Argh

Didn't do the stanchart marathon and am still having withdrawals. It's irritaing to see people post their marathon experience on Facebook. Yes, i admit i'm a sore loser that way...so i deactivated my FB account. Ha!

Yeah yeah..childish. So what. It's my account and i wanna take a break from all the drama there.

Oh well, it's been a really horrible month with work sapping alot of energy and time. I've barely clocked any mileage and my belly is spilling over my belt.

Less than 4 months to the Ironman!

Giving 2011 A Miss

I will not be running the 42km this year after all. Decided a week ago to give this year's edition a miss. If anyone is interested to have a free slot, please let me know. I will be uncontactable next weekend. Time to look forward to the next big race, Ironman 70.3 in March.

Panic Attacks

I panic when i think about how it's effectively 6 weeks to 42km. I have been training but not for an endurance run. Instead, i've been clocking a fair bit of time on the bike, treadmill and strength/conditioning at the gym. I've only been covering 16km runs at least once a week. That's nowhere near the 21km-30kms i used to do the past couple of years. But then again, will the training on the bike and gym help? I'm not too sure. I doubt so. My breathing cycles have gone all haywired, i've been breathing for a 2hr run max. If i were to go for 5hours (or more) i definitely can't keep pace. Damn. Guess i really have to relook the training schedule for the next 6 weeks and salvage as much as i can! Oh and yes, i still haven't cleared my FRIGGIN' IPPT!!! ARGH!

Still shaky

My time's really divided on work and training. Sucks then when i'm done, nobody else is free or it's too late. But it's something i said i would do and i'm sticking to it. Also sticking to my decision made last week and so far so good. Doesn't feel entirely OK, and i don't expect everything to be a bed of roses, but at least there's a clear direction and i'm moving towards that. Definitely not worth my emotions and energy thinking too much about everything, but just keep my focus on the things that do! And for now, it's my last chance to pass my IPPT next week so i can focus on endurance training for the marathon and ironman!

Day 1

Your Registration Has Been Confirmed

18 March 2012 will be the day to look forward to – Ironman 70.3 Singapore. I’ve been thinking about doing the half –Ironman again for quite some time now, having missed out on this year’s edition. But i’ve been yearning to get my focus. I’ve been distracted for far too long now and i miss the simple life of putting all my attention and focus on training. The process is painful in most ways, but one thing is for sure – the feeling at the end of the day/race is absolutely rewarding.

I’ve had good and bad races, but they all come with a reward. There’s always something to take away from each and every race.

Work has been a real drag and it’ll be a challenge to balance work and training for the next 6 months. But it can be done. I’m guessing that my social life will take the biggest hit. I will definitely miss the time hanging out with friends but it’s something i have lived with a couple of years ago, i can do it again.

Preparation for this year would be challenging for me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Physically, i’ve totally lost the game and i’m nowhere near my fittest during the 09/10 season. Mentally, i’m not confident having not clocked enough mileage during trainings and emotionally – oh boy.. there’s just been so much drama, i have to admit that this race is a big excuse to just escape from it all.

Time to start feeling good about my body again, time to feel prepared going into the race and time to cut away silly distractions that don’t do me any good in the end.

Things are really simple now – a 42km in Dec and an Ironman Tri in March. Guess that means that...Training. Starts. Now.

Gotta keep running

Life is so much simpler if i just keep running..

Don't have much time left to my 4th full marathon. I'm still clocking 14km during trainings and i've not broken the 30km mark since...last year's race. I've been distracted with a particular personal issue, but i pray that it'll get settled sooner rather than later. Because i don't want it to drag on any further.

But back to racing. I'm very much inclined to sign up for Ironman 70.3 again. I miss every single minute of it - the hours training, the sacrifice, the pain and pleasure during the race itself. And all this just made me miss the friends and a particular someone who was always at my races and supporting me in just about every possible way. I do miss her and sometimes i wonder if i'll ever find someone as supportive as she was to me. Can't help but think i could have been better to her.

Wish life was alot simpler, but i do acknowledge that it's all part of growing up and coming of age. Yes, only one thing is needful, to keep seeking Jesus Christ and all these things will be added onto me. I just pray that i find a way to rid myself of certain negativities. Is it possible to be happy 24/7?

If my body could, running non-stop would do the trick for me. Haha.. 

But for now, it just makes the most sense to distance myself from certain emotions, relationship traps and preserve my heart, mind and soul for just work and training/racing. So help me, Jesus.

Singapore Bay Run

9 years on, I participated in my second Army Half Marathon, or a sexier name would be the Singapore Bay Run. In 2002, when I could barely survive the mandatory IPPT 2.4km run, I needed to run the 21km to pass out from my SISPEC course. I remember running up Sheares Bridge with literally a whole platoon of sweaty smelly army boys. The only thing that kept me going was my hormones.

You know how girls like to wear sports bras to races? In 2002, with 19km left, all I could do was to fixate my eyes on this girl wearing a black sports bra and did my best to keep up with her. Yes, every single dirty thought a hormone-raging, sex-depraved army boy could think of was manifested in me running after a pony-tailed girl in a black sports bra. I think I finished the race in slightly over 3hours.

This time, it was a girl in a white sports bra.

Before I get to that, I must say that doing 21km under 2hours has been my best result so far. And it can only be a miracle from God, because I almost didn’t make it to the race. Was chilling with friends the night before, and only had 2 hours to sleep before trudging down to the start line at for flag off at 5.15am.

I wasn’t sure if I could survive, much less complete the race.

Somehow my body felt good and despite my head telling my body that I’m going to fast at the early 5km mark, my body just kept going. Maybe it was still sleeping.

But I did feel abit of burnout in my lungs at about the 7km mark and the fact that I couldn’t shake the crowd, make it uncomfortable to breathe or pace properly having to keep overtaking. That’s when I thought I would just pace someone.

Someone wearing a white sports bra. To whomever you are reading this, thank you.
Pacing you for a good distance after the 10km mark definitely helped to get me past the first wall. And it was smooth sailing all the way to the finish line. Overall, it was one of the best races I’ve felt in a long time. Thank God. Best part was, I had enough energy to walk to town, take a cab back, have breakfast (yeah, I didn’t even eat for the race) and then go to church. Awesome awesome stuff.

Phew. I wouldn’t recommend what I did for anyone out there going for their next race, but hey. Jesus Christ saved the day, even for perverted runners like me who pace sports bras.

I hope there will be more sports bras in Dec for my next race, 42km!

Oh no.

21km this saturday but i'm nowhere near race ready. I'm still recovering from a bout of flu, fever cough. I barely did 4km today when my body decided to shut down.

It's bad. But at least i know i've got the drama out of my system - I can't handle all the girl drama so i'm doing what i do best, walking away. Sad thing is alot of friendships at stake is going out of the window. I guess i can handle that.

Got too much to handle at work and time to prepare for Dec's 42km.

Goodbye drama, hello focus.

Choices

My time is running out and i have to make a decision hard and fast. Usually a good run would help clear my mind and set my heart at peace.

This time, i don't even have the mood to run. I changed into my kit and just sat there - i couldnt even lift myself off the chair to lace up.

I'm not depressed, i'm not sad. It's a happy problem you could say - but i'm just afraid of making promises i cannot keep. Saying things that i have to take back.

Maybe not so bad la. But my focus has clearly been off. 21km less than 2 weeks' away, i need to get my focus back where it should - juggling between gym and distance running.

Always.

OSIM 2011

Time for my race update! In short, I not only failed to improve my timing, I clocked slower and dropped in rankings. Depressed? Nope.

Firstly, there are legit reasons I could use as an excuses to explain the drop in timing. This year’s waves were tough. I found my strokes and rhythm all over the place, bobbing up and down and tossed off course. I found my swim leg down by a whopping 3 minutes.

The bike leg was surprisingly painless. Although I did clock a time 2 minutes slower, compared to last year’s race, my legs still felt fresh after the 40km. Oh did I mention that I only found out it was a 4 lap bike leg at the very last minute before the horn went off? A friend I met (Thanks KK!) at the start line casually wished me all the best for the 4 laps on the bike – say what? 4?!

Then on the bike leg, I actually asked fellow cyclists if it was 4 or 6 laps. Some said 4, others said 6. In the end, based on plausible timing, I settled for 4. Pity those fellas who said 6 and actually did it. That’s extra 20km on the bike. Wa. Might as well go do Ironman. Suayamakalaosai.

Anyway, back to the race. By the time I racked my bike, my legs were surprisingly fresh. I glanced at my watch and I knew I needed to do a hell of a run to make back the time. At about the 2km point, I figured I couldn’t beat the clock at the risk of burning out of air too soon. So I decided to just screw it, take my time and enjoy the race. Since I can’t beat the clock, let’s make this a race to remember.

And remember I did.

Race lesson #356 – Never try a power gel for the first time at the race itself. Sublime Lime flavor my arse! Rar!

That lime-flavored gel gave me the runs. I getting the runs while I was running. I was seriously fighting the urge to go take a poop. I was farting uncontrollably midway during the race. But heck I was too tired to care about people giving me stares or pinching their nose at me in disgust.

I clearly remember trying to psycho myself saying, “you can’t sh*t…you can’t sh*t…cos got no toilet paper..cos got no toilet paper”.

Don’t laugh. It worked.

And other than the minor breaks in running rhythm to break wind, overall I’m glad I kept pace throughout the run and viola! I managed to cut my run time.

So all in all, I clocked 3 minutes slower than last year. As I said, I could blame it on the choppy waves and tummyache, but that should be acceptable in every race and I’m not kicking myself about it. I’m glad I kept a good pace throughout and that, more than anything else, has motivated me (not out of anger and disappointment) to race better, train harder.

Next up in 3 weeks… 21km!

Sick To The Max

What rotten timing - Got sick the past week and a half... and with race day next week, i'm really gonna race on a miracle.

Only clocked 3 runs of a total of 32km, 1 swim of 2.5km this week. No bike. Best part is...even with a throat and nose full of phlegm, i'm still indulging in junk food and late nights...

I'm way beyond panic now - just gonna wing it next Sunday. Oh man oh man...

Panic Attack...

I'm having a panic attack. It's effectively one more week to race day (taking taper period into consideration) and i haven't been on my bike since...last year's race.


Physically, i was prepared to wing it - longer runs and swims should improve my overall stamina. Yes, agreed - but when i was going through the race route in my mind, i realised i could be really rusty in handling my bike now. Especially the steep upward turn 50m in front of the Bike Out.







I've seen people crashing at that turn. I personally think it's the dumbest idea to have a sharp turn so close to the transition area and where earlier waves of bikers are coming in hard and fast from a long (overtaking) lap. Stupid.


But excuses aside, i should have, could have done more to train. Oh well.. as race day approaches, physical training always tapers down, while mental preparation ramps up.


Whether i've done enough, it's too late to debate that now. I'll just trust in whatever i've done and use whatever i've got to swim/bike/run an injury-free, fun and fulfilling race come Sunday after next.


So help me, God. :)

3 more weeks

Not sure if there's anything much to do...with only 3 weeks left. Must keep my focus, be in good emotional and mental form.

I must not let anything distract me. Not now.

I may have gotten everything else wrong..

.. but you will always be the only thing i got right. :)

It's not easy juggling my time, emotions and energy at work..with running/swimming for July 31. It's tough when i'm physically worn out, emotionally drained but mentally buzzing. I have selfishly pursued my own passion and dreams, i admit i don't have time to even give you attention - but you stand by me and support in ways, big and small.

Yes, sometimes i overlook them.. i don't notice until i stop in my tracks and look back at where i've been and where i'm going. But i'm not perfect. I'll do what i can,

But thank you. :)

Down in the Valley

Feeling like it's the absolute pits. Was hoping to bring the training up to speed but since i crashed on Sunday, i haven't done anything. Anything but work.

I've been posted inhouse. So effectively, my time is split between client and agency. Effectively doing two jobs at two different locations. All that on top of new accounts. And as if that's not enough, alot of people have been missing for various (legit) reasons. It's absolutely insane. Actually it's manageable - except that it's taking up ALL my time.

Say what? Another event? pffffft..

I don't even want a break to train. I just wanna take a break to go on a holiday. Thinking of Bali? Or maybe that dive trip i've been wanting to take for years, finally be a certified diver. Woohoo!

But the OSIM triathlon coming up and the army half marathon beckons. How like that you tell me? I'm super pissed and frustrated.

And that distraction is back. Oh gosh.. it's going to be a test, cos when at my weakest, even the simplest of words can sound like sweet honey.

Gotta keep calm, stay strong, focused and persevere. If you're not going to help me, then stay away.

So what's next

So it's been a fairly good 3 weeks.. did (mostly) what i set myself out to do. Was really tied down with work and i couldn't help but feel i neglected some time with my friends.

Work is going to take a huge change - Frankly, i didn't think i had a choice in it and given that the new post would start on Tuesday, i guess my bosses couldn't say 'no' to the client right? Well, since this 4 month stint is already in place, i guess i'll take it in my stride and make the best of this opportunity.

Thing is i've gotta make training work. I've got my sights set on OSIM triathlon in July, Army Half Marathon in Sept and of course the StanChart Marathon in Dec.

Speaking of which, 3 weeks and i find myself struggling with the normal 12km yesterday. Perhaps i was just tired out but i couldn't help to think that all the long runs did sh*t for me. Felt really demoralised, i overate this weekend and it certainly didn't make me feel better.

Sometimes, the news at work, the lows in training and the fact that i've given so much/sacrificed alot for all this with no returns just makes me feel so stupid and just wanna throw in the towel.



But i'm not weak. Maybe i won't see the results just yet. Or maybe i need to rethink what i'm doing wrong. Even if the work situation is proving to be a difficulty, there's always a way. I gotta keep my chin up and face it like a man...like the athlete that i set myself out to be, like the athlete i am.

Condemned..

Thing about running long distance is your feet gets sweat-soaked for 3-4hours every run. Yeah, after couple of runs you live with the discomfort..but the i think it's come to a point when there's no saving my toes..

warning: the images below may be disturbing to some. viewer discretion is advised.

Ok, looking at these photos...i'm kinda grossed out by my own feet. Yucks.

2 down, 1 more to go..

It's been a good 2 weeks. In summary, i did regular 20ks, got my swimming arms back and still managed to find some time to meet up (although not as regular) with the peeps. Work has not been kind though. I've found myself taking the lead for alot of accounts due to colleagues/bosses taking long leave and sick leave.

Even having to work late many nights, i don't know how, but i still manage to squeeze in (recovery) runs! Awesome i say.

So 2 weeks down, 1 more week of intensive training to go.. then it's a whole new regime for the big day - July 31.

I've stopped thinking about my target. I'm enjoying my training now and i'm learning a whole new perspective of it - discipline.

I get injured, failed to lose weight, slow improvement despite hard trainings..all because there's no discipline. I MUST do my warm-ups and cool-downs proper. I MUST watch what i am putting in, and i've just learnt that i MUST do recovery sessions.

And i'm enjoying all that! Whee!

Quickie

5 days into June, so far so good. Training has been up, i've done regular 22 -26km runs. Unfortunately the latest one on Friday night really killed the knee, i actually walked back for a good 10km home. Yikes..

I read that runner's knee is due mostly to uneven development of the quad and hamstring muscle. Guess i should do more strengthening for my hamstrings!

Anyway, it was a really depressing walk home from ECP that night. But that's when i remembered when i crashed on my living room floor, the afternoon i got home from my first Olympic tri.. and she was there to put a ice towel on my head and stood by to take care of me even when i just K.O-ed from utter fatigue.

Hmm, i really missed that. Guess it was one of the things i took for granted - as i pursue my goals, it's really nice to have someone to support you that way.

Well, time to suck it up and recover quick cos i got more long(er) runs, swims and rides to do in prep for July 31!

Seeya Suckers!

I’d rather be physically and mentally exhausted from running a marathon than being emotionally drained from handling all drama and office politics.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just excommunicate yourself away from all the drama because I find that burden totally unnecessary. For whatever reason, friends do not talk, innocent people get dragged in, camps form within the office and emotions run high. The only running that should be high is the one that involves pounding the pavement every alternate night.

Oh well, what a fitting way to start 7 weeks of intensive training. I’m really going to miss the company, laughs and support I’ve been getting from my peeps. Suddenly it seems like everyone’s gone! (for reasons, good or bad) But I guess my shoes, that lonely track and that start line remain.

Oh, I know you’ll never leave me…even when I neglected you for so long. Felt good to do long runs. I hope I’ll make the 20kms a regular session – every alternate night. And I felt a familiar soreness in my arms after doing 1.5km pulling at the pool for my main set. Oh my, how I have neglected my swim.

You may call all that my distraction; running away from my feelings and emotions. I look at it as running into something that gives me great pleasure and joy.

Where's Mikey?

My latest 22km running route. i guess i'll keep running this route until my heart or my knees tell me not to. Whichever tells me first.

Peace, not like the world gives...

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch like me. Let it be known that on any other circumstances, i would be a total wreck; depressed, emotional and melancholic. But through our weaknesses, God's strength is glorified.

I..am...HYPED. I seriously cannot ask for more. I've been experiencing favour upon favour at work. When i thought i was going to drown and die, time and time again, i get pulled out by some miracle and everything turned out well.

I've had enough time to train and it's slowly getting better. But i'm not giving myself the pressure to perform. I believe i'll hit my target. But most importantly i'm going to enjoy each and every session as i'm reminded that that's my joy, my passion - to train, to race.

And it's been one hard month, but i finally broke my no-alcohol rule. (I can so hear you snigger right about now. Oh shut it already)

Yes i had a beer. And then i had wine in the evening. Might as well go all out right? But there shall therefore be no condemnation! And i'm back to running 12km this evening. And it felt soooo awesome. I can't wait to do consistent 14ks for regular runs with a weekly 20-24km!

:)

I'm glad. Work and training has taken a huge uplift and the reason for that is i started trusting in God, talking to Him and turning to Him with every single worry, care and emotion..i just kept throwing it at His feet.

And through that, He's heard my heart, soothed it and have given me a clear mandate to trust Him and only Him with it...well, for now. It'll take alot to get it back. But at least i know that she would have needed to get it from Him..and i trust noone else to take care of the keys to my heart than God.

Time to keep moving on!! Time to keep running on!!

The One About Food..

I live in Singapore, so much good food..

Must. Control. Got no time already. 2:35 is less than 8 weeks away. Must. Focus.

Long Weekends

Gotta love long weekends. No work means running in the late morning, getting a swim in at lunch time and leaving the rest of the day to chillax.

Work sucks. It just takes up the entire day, drained you mentally/physically and gotta rush home to run or to the pool to swim.

I had fun the past week..managed to have good food with awesome friends even with all the training in is so, so awesome.

Yamcheon meat!

best French toast i've tasted yet! at Mimolette!

Things are improving. There are still some ups and downs but it's getting better and sooner than i expected actually. Holding steadfast to my goals and beliefs.. keeping my heart safe, my mind sharp and my body in health for the challenges ahead...yeah, the challenges emotionally and physically.

It's already May. 3 more months.

Any other changes?

I’m not a professional athlete. I’ve come to terms that I will never be. Injury, age, time and potential have all passed me by. But that doesn’t mean I am not committed to the sport. Neither am I just there for the fun. I still want to better my time and never stop improving.

In the process of doing so, I’m giving up on a lot of other indulgences. And even though there are no tangible returns, at least not the money, fame and glory the pro athletes get in return, I am just riding on pure pleasure.

It’s funny how the past 3 years have undoubtedly defined who I am. I never thought I would do/say the things I did and picked up a sport that I absolutely am addicted to.

And now that I see myself not changing (in terms of character and personality) anymore, I can safely say this is who I’ve become and I’m finally grounded on my beliefs, goals and desires.

I may never win a world championship. And that isn’t my motivation. I just love what I’m doing and will keep on doing it. That’s who I am and will always be.

Do you know who you are?

Focus.

Tough times are ahead. Tough times that i must endure. I am an endurance athlete, so i damn well better endure.

Discipline, determination, focus and strength. All by the grace of God...

The Breakdown

So the target is a 2:35 timing for 31 July 2011. Surely, that must be a very realistic target considering that I’ve hit a 2:46 last year. I believe 2:35 is a very conservative time and if all things go smoothly, I might do even better. Referring to last year’s rankings and timing, a 2:35 timing will put me in a top 20 spot. My swim is comparable with some of the top finishers, my run time is not too far away and I should see improvements with the training that is to come but the bike leg is the obvious spoiler.

Yes I admit I haven’t been on Felicia for a decent amount of time, let alone be race-ready. But I hope to change that during the last 2 months leading up to the big race. It’s a no-brainer that in a triathlon, the longest distance and time-spent on the race is on the bike. I need to put in SOME effort into the bike.

So here’s my ‘realistic’ breakdown for 31 July,
1.5k swim – 0:25 (-2mins)
40k bike – 1:18 (-5mins)
10k run – 0:52 (-3mins) TOTAL – 2:35

It may look easy, like it’s just a couple of minutes, but in a quick environment, especially on the bike, one second can actually cover quite a distance. I still believe it’s a realistic target to achieve but it’s definitely not a walk in the park, literally. Focus, focus, focus. 2:35, top 20 position.

All things made new

Awesome sermon this morning. Learnt so much about resentment, bitterness, showing love and undeserved Grace. It was a good wake-up call for me.

Most importantly, it assured me of my decision. No more striving, no more expectations, i'm going to enjoy the ride. I've made my choice and i'm going to miss alot of things/people... but there's only one thing on my mind now. And that is..

2:35

This blog is a training log and that's what it should always have been. two, thirty-five. Let's do. Here we go.

:)

They say all good things must come to an end...

... honestly, i wish it never did. Maybe we could start. But i guess i'll never know.

in 5 hours

I should be asleep but i can't. I gotta be up in 5 hours to prepare for the 12km run later. I have half the mind to just skip it. Main reason being travelling and logistics will be such a chore. I've lost my motivation to race.

This is bad. It was a good week leading up til this weekend until last night. I realise now how far away i am from what i was over a year ago.

But life is too short for regrets and for wasting more time. I gotta make up my mind, put on my shoes and run with it.

Away from all the distractions and all the futile efforts that i know will eventually amount to nothing. Time to run along.

Over view

My first race of 2011 will be the 2XU 12km Compression Run happening in 10 days time. Like most other races, I do not feel prepared for this event. With an average of three 12km runs a week, I am highly doubtful of doing a personal best, although finishing it will not be a problem.

I have no problem being mentally ready for a 12km run race as well; having done marathons before, I still find the latter more mental than physical. So my only wish for this race is to kickstart my motivation to train hard again.

I used to remember training 6 times a week, alternating between running, swimming and abit of cycling to prepare for triathlons. Those days made me sacrifice a lot of time with close friends. During the start of the year, I’ve admittedly neglected training by catching up with these friends and making new ones in the process. I have no regrets and someday perhaps I can say that I found that happiness by growing that special bond with a special someone.

Growing that special bond would mean spending more time and emotional investment. Will I be ready to do that when the opportunity really presents itself? I know I will not say ‘no’ when that happens, but not because I’m easy (I can hear your sniggers), but because if I’m already at that stage, it means I’ve already given it enough thought to know that that is what I want. And as selfish as it may sound, I want a happy relationship, to always have a good laugh with my peeps, and a healthy career.

Although it does not feel like it has been only three months (feels so much longer), I’m glad I’m back at a challenging environment that is giving me a lot of opportunity to improve, and prove, myself. I’m learning so much and am constantly being exposed to industry experts and am soaking up the experience. I have toyed with the idea that since I’m still young and single, I’ll gladly accept an overseas posting if given the opportunity to.

But all these plans to further develop my career overseas and training hard will take a backseat if I ever get into a relationship again. Will i?

Going up and going out

It was my best training shoe yet...

so when i saw the next edition in bright yellow...

i just couldn't say no.

Had my first run with the Gel Cumulus 12 and i must say the chunky size was something i didn't miss, but the cushioning was a good welcome for me.

Plus... my shuffle and nano are ready for collection, so that means music will be back. I'm hitting a plateau at 12km, i'm hoping the music will help me break it to 14km again. With OSIM just months away, i need to bring up the pace.

Guess i had been distracted the past month, but i foresee a slow winding down where i'm accepted situations better, understanding myself better and beginning to see clearer too.

And with acceptance, i'm learning to be more patient. My time is now.

Seven Days

In the past week...

My Nano died. Seriously. Nothing left but a black screen and no volume.

Short trip to Kuala Lumpur again...

... and had the good old hawker food that's slowly disappearing in Singapore.

Busy but fun times at work. Lotsa getting to know the team even better amidst all the crazy deadlines and client requests.

And of course, the usual weekend session.

So...i really need to train more!

Another junction

Time flies. Before we know it, March is over..end of Q1 2011. Can you even remember that incident in 2010? Seemed like yesterday right? You can almost picture yourself in that very situation, with that very same emotion. So what exactly has happened for you this 2011?

In the short span of 2.5 months, i've missed 3 major races i had planned for. I've been distracted mentally and emotionally. I can't say that work is responsible. It's been mad busy with days of phone calls, meetings, reports, planning, more phone calls, more meetings...but i've always managed to knock off before 8pm on (not all, but) most days.

So i have no excuse to not put on the shoes and go for a run. It's been recently that i'm slowly getting back to fitness. I just have to keep my focus and remain disciplined.

I can safely say i've systematically rooted out the problem, found a solution and now it's time for execution. Slowly and surely, it's gonna be (another) new chapter that's definitely alot calmer, happier, more fun perhaps and it'll be...

AWESOME.

For The 1st Time

There's nothing a good run can't fix. That may not be totally true now, and that's very frightening. Perhaps my runs have finally met their match in the biggest situation, yet.

I didn't know what to say and i didn't know how to say it. What is it that you want me to say? Just tell me what you want to hear, and i can give all my secrets away.

But what's the point in saying it when i know what the answer will be? And when i thought i would have sorted all this out after a good 12km, i was terribly wrong.

Now i'm wide awake, unable to get to sleep, aching and more confused than i started. But with a banged up knee and a restless heart, i can't run this off now.



Gotta find a new way to get this outta my head. For good.

My One & Only

31 July 2011. It looks set to be the one and only standard distance i will be doing this year. So i'm all ready to make the best outta it.

It's never too early to start preparations. I might burn out too early, but given my work schedule, i'd say i need to start doing it now.

It's going to come with alot of sacrifice. Going to have to give up alot of rest, alot of my favourite food and perhaps alot of fun times with my buddies.

But it's going to give me alot of time to think about life and reflect on what needs to be done. I'm tired of being emotional and setting myself up for more disappointments. It's funny isn't it? We actually can see where the path is going, but what makes us want to continue going down?

"It's not the person you can live with, it's the person you can't live without"

2005

Surreal.

The End

Coldplay - The Scientist
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I Found It

Dear God, i know You have forgiven me for these emotions. But i absolutely am not regretting them right now..

I am so wanting this feeling right now. I want to race. I need to race.

This confusion, loaded with doubt. A hint of self-pity. With a dash of remorse and helplessness. Mixed together to have a taste of helplessness and captivity...just makes me want to run, run, run.

This feeling is back, it's what drove me out of immobility, overcoming the inertia and into consistency.

I have the tools i need now - the images of the past and future. Images to make my present stronger.

I found it again, and i'm going to ride it harder than ever before.

Looking back at old posts...

FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2009
After that concussion on Monday...

Tue: Interval training, Running
Wed: Long Running
Thursday: Swimming
Today: Running...

And i did the 8 laps in an all new 47minutes 30sconds! Maybe i shouldn't keep thinking about when i'm going to hit the plateau. Maybe the one thing i should quit is that defeatist attitude and if i can keep going faster, then so be it.

I'm keeping in mind that i have two Olympic distance triathlons coming up in August and September. An IPPT to do in October that i'm aspiring to get gold (yes, i never got a gold in IPPT, but that has got to change. If there's a time to break that duct, it is now)

Tomorrow: Swimming and (hopefully) Cycling

Is it just me, or is cycling in Singapore tough? To be fully prepared for a Olympic distance triathlon, that's 40k of cycling. Is there any decent route in Singapore to clock that kind of mileage without the crazy traffic? And the right timing to juggle work hours in? Yeah, i thought so.

Need to step up the training! OSIM international triathlon, Tri-Factor triathlon, Stan Chart Marathon... oh! and did i mention..

Aviva Ironman Triathlon 2010!

Has anything changed? I had a good run up to the IM2010. I remember telling myself i must do better. What happened to that vow i made to myself?

I broke away, thought i had found a reason to stop training/racing, but that reason has continually left me. Maybe someday i will believe in it again, and this time, it will come back to me.

But i guess for now.. it's time i give it all up and go back to where there is freedom...even if it's just for that 10km on the road, alone and loving noone else but myself.

I am coming back...

Really need to..

Missed the Singapore Biathlon this weekend and i missed training all week while recovering from a flu.

And tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I don't think i've ever celebrated Valentine's Day much. Even when i was attached, i don't think i did anything extravagent. Guess i'm just cynical about a day that has become over-commercialised.

So in my individual attempt to mock the day tomorrow, i've gotten all ready to run my legs and lungs out. Just me and the tracks...

I admit that every time a good thing comes my way, i am afraid to believe in it, or to act on it. I just run away. I don't have the patience to wait for it to mature. I just run.

I know better now than to fill my head and heart with useless emotions. I'll just plug in to my new toy and do what i do best...

OMG, it has a friggin pedometer installed in it! If this sweet baby can live past a year, i'm more than happy.

Maybe two weeks of hardcore of running and swimming will get me back in physical shape, emotional stability and back to race-ready fitness.

Here we go..

Input vs Output

So far, still no races planned for 2011. Was supposed to sign up for couple of runs in March, but i have missed the registration deadline in January, so i'm left races-less.

Once again, Chinese New Year is the season to overeat and spend all day visiting relatives. I'm glad i managed to eat only 2 meals a day (big meals nonetheless) and got a run in this afternoon.

But it's been really hard to stick to a firm training schedule. More often than not, i'm working til late during the weekdays, and sometimes missing meals. I can't remember how many times i've had snickers for lunch.

Yup, i even stocked up on snickers. That's bad it is.

With whatever remaining time i have left, i've been hanging out and meeting my babes and dudes cos i really miss them. With great company, comes great food...

Oh gosh, i really do need my peeps to just chillax and forget about the weekday grind. :) Mucho lurve to them.

But i guess there are consequences. Been 6 days since my last run and this is what happened...

Epic Fail. Hahaha...

I believe it can be done and it's definitely been done before. Juggling work, friends, family and training. I'm sure you know someone who is doing it. It's not easy, but it can be done.

I'm gonna learn, suck it up, get disciplined and do it all over again. Hopefully, i'll be one of those guys you know who can work, train and make time for all my awesome friends!

You win some, you lose some...

I said i'll not do it, but i did it..again. I ran.

It's been so long since i felt this way, running. Then the memories came rushing back when you're near exhaustion. Even after a long tiring day, i'm glad i did.

Cos sometimes, that 10km run does more than take your breath away (literally).. it makes you dig deep within yourself to find that one true desire you have inside you. It peels away all the peripherals and superfluous. It mercilessly throws away those feeble attempts to motivate yourself with petty anger and fears, and forces you to drag out the deepest demons and ride on them as if you force your body to limits you never thought you could reach.

Then the memories and emotions play like a movie...

I have forgiven, but i will never forget...

Everywhere i'm looking now...

Almost to the end of the 1st week of 2011. Wasn't the start i expected, but i guess some changes are good. Sometimes, it's best to just let things go out of plan, go thru that ride, experience the journey, have a story to tell others at dinners and just be surprised...

I still think about the aussie trip.. i must say the withdrawal for this trip is one of the worst i've had. It just felt like this coming back to spore is totally new and the life i should be living was back there in melb/syd.

of course, it would be a different feeling if not for these guys...

miss them loads.

I thought that i would start 2011 training again. I was really inspired during the road trip around beautiful australia - inspired to do a race there. The beaches are beautiful (despite the cold and merciless water and tide), sand is so smooth, and the roads are perfect for the bike and run.

Where the skies have no end, the heavens meet the earth... i really hope to be racing in such picturesque beauty someday..

Unfortunately, it's been 5 days now, and i'm still having menstrual cramps. Yes you heard me right - menstrual. The doctor gave me menstrual pills cos i have "abdominal cramps". FML.

So i haven't been training for a month. And i don't know if it's the bloatedness or just fats.. but my tummy is really bloated. It's freaky. I look like those starving african kids.

I just hope to recover quickly and get back to training again. I haven't signed up for any races this year, no Ironman, no biathlon, duathlon, OCBC cycle.. i'll just focus on the OSIM tri, Stan Chart marathon and maybe one more Olympic tri, maximum 3 races.

But then again, not everything goes according to plan, right?

Remember those walls i built?

Well, baby they're tumbling down...

New

Went on an awesome trip with the dudes to melbourne/sydney. Didn't do much touristy things cos most places were closed during the Christmas/New Year season, but having their company and alot of laughs were the best part of the trip.

I'm not looking back at 2010 and list the things that i've accomplished.. but looking forward to this new phase.

Ironically, i'm on MC on my second day. My table's not packed and everything is in a mess. Damn.

Well, not the perfect start to 2011, but it's a start nonetheless..