Running has evolved for me over the past 3 years. I remember starting out doing 3km runs, 3 times a week around my neighborhood (well, 3km is just one round around the block la...pfffft) to lose weight. I progressed to doing 5-7km in preparation for my first few races. Some discipline finally paid off and i started enjoying being fitter.
During these races, i saw many familiar faces and thought, 'if they could do it, why can't i?'. I guess that's when my obsession started. I admit that vanity and ego played their part; I signed up for longer distances and trained my knees out for them.
Now, after having completed couple of full marathons, a handful of Olympic triathlons, some duathlons, many biathlons/runs and an Ironman, i find myself running for a different reason.
I run because i want to get away from everything else. Some quiet time thinking about the challenges ahead and enjoying God's presence. And during one of my longer runs tonight (i did about 22km?) I had couple of prayers answered...
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The verse, Psalm 68:19 "Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits..." finally sank in. The words 'loads', 'daily' and 'benefits' just popped out at me and despite the new year/challenges coming up, i'm reminded to take things one day at a time.
I've also prayed about being in love again. Remembering all my past relationships and looking at couples around me, it dawned on me that being in love meant not drawing my identity and security from my partner. My needs of love, attention and affection must ultimately be grounded on God. Being in love means being selfless, but every man/woman gets depleted somehow. Not when they keep drawing from God.
I realised i've been too selfish in my past relationships. I've not been fair (to say the least) to all those who have given me nothing but support, understanding and love. They've either left me, or due to my (selfish) needs, i've let them down. I may not realise it then, but the reason i got upset/angry at my partner(s) then was i expected something from them. If you become less selfish of your own needs, you'd genuinely care for your partners, there won't be any infidelity and alot more understanding and less anger/fights.
I agree that the world's divorce rate would be cut in half if husbands and wives become less selfish and actually start giving.
I owe that to the next girl who captures my heart. All i will do is to love her. She don't have to worry about me, cos God's covered my needs. My only and best reward will be to see her happy.
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As 2010 winds down, i'm going to miss many things. The colleagues and (strange) friends i've made during the last three-and-a-half years at work. The deeper bonds i've made with my schoolmates. Especially when we guys fell out of our relationships like dominos. Hey, at least one good thing came out of that!
And lastly, i'm going to miss running.
My Asics when i first got it. It has served me through two Olympic triathlons, one biathlon, one marathon and the Ironman. It's dying now..the seams are splitting.. but let's do it one more time k? one last 42?
It seems like this year's 42km will be my third..and my last. Sadly, my knees don't seem to agree with me anymore.
2 hours and 22 minutes is alot of time to think, reflect and pray. and that's what i did this evening.
(pictures have been blurred to protect the identities of those caught on camera)
