Seeya Suckers!

I’d rather be physically and mentally exhausted from running a marathon than being emotionally drained from handling all drama and office politics.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just excommunicate yourself away from all the drama because I find that burden totally unnecessary. For whatever reason, friends do not talk, innocent people get dragged in, camps form within the office and emotions run high. The only running that should be high is the one that involves pounding the pavement every alternate night.

Oh well, what a fitting way to start 7 weeks of intensive training. I’m really going to miss the company, laughs and support I’ve been getting from my peeps. Suddenly it seems like everyone’s gone! (for reasons, good or bad) But I guess my shoes, that lonely track and that start line remain.

Oh, I know you’ll never leave me…even when I neglected you for so long. Felt good to do long runs. I hope I’ll make the 20kms a regular session – every alternate night. And I felt a familiar soreness in my arms after doing 1.5km pulling at the pool for my main set. Oh my, how I have neglected my swim.

You may call all that my distraction; running away from my feelings and emotions. I look at it as running into something that gives me great pleasure and joy.

Motivate

There's no secret to it - stagnate and perish. If i don't continue training, i'll backslide. And it's very painful to climb back up to a reasonable fitness level.

Last night's swim was painful. My arms were sore in the middle of the swim, when the aches usually come the next day. So you can imagine my arms, neck and back today at work. Sigh.

You would have thought that after all this training, it should be getting easier. I've accepted the fact that it never will. If it does, that would mean stagnating. Even champions don't remain status quo, you keep going until you can't go on anymore.

I've said before that if i had the choice and more importantly - the talent, to become a professional athlete, i would. I guess it's OK to complain every now and then (training is tiring, so sian, etc) but at the end of it all, it's the passion of 'doing' that will drive me to keep going.

I read in the papers that an Australian runner is planning to run from North to South pole for the Red Cross. It's these little bits that help remind me why i'm risking my knees, wasting my evenings in solitude and spending most of my salary on equipment/events to 'torture' myself.

But just for tonight... i take my motivation from UFC fighter, Tito Ortiz's comeback.

Today is just today. Tomorrow is another matter altogether. Tonight's run is just tonight's run.

One or Two

I'm (kinda) glad nothing happened last night. Was so tired from work, i totally collapsed. Bad news is i didn't run and i ordered Mac's. At least i got enough rest and i didn't put the 'real' bad stuff into the system.

And because i had sufficient rest last night, i should be good to do a long run AND a swim. While i was packing the gear this morning i was thinking about the days when i did all three. I ran in the morning, swam in the afternoon and biked in the evening. It's not easy (totally crash on the bed after a day like that) but the feeling you get from accomplishing a full day of exercise is very rewarding.

I miss that.

I don't even know if i can attempt to do a swim or run later. It's almost time to knock off work; I plan to do the 15km run in the afternoon (since the sun is not out yet) and maybe hit the pool in the afternoon. Really hope to get abit of sun while i'm at it.

I looked back at my old photos and i want to go back to be like how it was...

except that i'm moving forward with this.

Paint me my ending...

Yes, i'm listening to emo songs. So sad. Well, perhaps it's the fact that i haven't touched cholrine water in 3 weeks. I know what's gonna happen when i hit the pool later...my lungs will feel like they shrank by 74%

I'm gonna feel like i'm completely made of lead. Probably sink right to the bottom. Darn. How could this be? I used to love swimming; not just it's a break from running, but i really enjoy stroking, toning the arms and legs and expanding my lungs. Oh man, what am i gonna do now..

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UPDATED (16/07/2010): So nice to finally touch water again. Yes, as expected, my arms couldn't pull as efficiently as they should and my shoulders + back are aching from the 30 laps of (mostly) pulling and kicking.

I'm apprehensive about tonight. No, not about doing the (15k) run later, but what's gonna happen after that. I got a feeling that i won't get enough rest, then i'll turn up to work tomorrow like a zombie and won't be able to get my afternoon swim done. Needlessly to say, there goes another precious opportunity to get some sun.

I'm really disgusted with my paleness.

'Ooo..me so sexay'

Damn, if i get any whiter, i'm going to glisten under sunlight ala Edward Cullen. FML.

The painful climb

It's been two weeks since i'm back and as expected, it's the painful climb to get back my fitness. I've only been running and it's really painful both mentally and physically. My lungs are like the size of my fists; i run out of breath after 15 minutes of running. I miss going 2hours non-stop.

I haven't even hit the pool yet and i already feel like i'm becoming translucent. I miss the healthy tan but i'm really lazy to swim and late nights have not helped either. At least i feel like the alcohol and bad stuff is coming out of the system. During my first few runs last week, i can almost imagine me sweating out beer. Slowly but surely, i'll feel clean and pure. (damn sounds like i got STD)

I believe the European diet is alot healthier. Though we have several courses per meal, the food there is never (or very seldom) fried. There's no chili like what we have in Asia, so there's no greasy/oily chili sauce. The only thing about the European diet is that it can get salty and is carbo-heavy. Well, the latter is good for the long endurance training right?

In terms of training motivation, i'm glad that i'm finding some renewed peace and joy. I know i used to channel all the anger and emo-ness into my runs and that really worked. But as all that negativity melts away, i find myself running with pure motivation to get stronger/faster. I take inspiration from the great Chrissie Wellington; she's such a joy (literally) to watch.

My life's not altogether perfect at the moment and there are still a few question-marks, but i'm focused on what i need to do and prepare for future races. I'm starting to find time to meet up with friends and family too, so what more can i ask for? I'm sorry if my training made you feel like you were not important. Hey, i promise that's all different now. I'm just a SMS away, let's meet up!

Just Two.

I'm thankful for whatever life is throwing at me; i'm taking everything as a learning phase and it's all about becoming a better person at the end of the day. I've come to realise that i've found stability in two things - Jesus Christ and training.

I don't doubt that everyone has a conscience and know when they made a boo-boo. Guilt and fear is a clear indication. Worry is the subtle cousin that tends to come before that.

I know i haven't exactly been the best role model at times; i curse when some driver cuts my lane, to being a total jerk when it comes to people's feelings. The best part is that it's not about me, but how great is a God that knows how much i am failing and with the purest form of love, He forgives and turn my screw-ups around to bless me abundantly.

"God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more abundant." - Romans 5:20

I'm really comforted and loved to have that assurance.

Running/training has also given me so much in keeping me sane. It takes on so many different forms for me. A run after a busy, emotional draining day just lets me spend time alone, collecting my thoughts in prayer and getting my bearings right for the task ahead.

On other days, the anger is displaced when i pound the road or crawl up and down the pool during the evenings. Better than keeping it inside and going crazy, a run/swim always helps to diffuse the frustration.

I know i've neglected my two loves from time to time. The best part is, they've always been there even when i haven't. Everytime i need to, for as long as my knees can take me, the track will always be waiting for me to visit. I thank God that He'll never leave nor forsake me too. He's really awesome and is always just a whisper away.

I'm really blessed to have the two with me. But somehow, i got the feeling that there actually might be a 'three'...




...all along.

Status Quo

I like the feeling of a half-filled stomach and muscle-weakened body. I've found my status quo again; after six continuous days of running and swimming, i've ran 35km and swam 7.5km in total.

Mentally, i'm focused on training again. Emotionally, i've cut myself away from all distractions. It's a real roller-coaster ride the past couple of months. I've been to many funerals, weddings and baby showers. Today, i went for a baby shower in the morning and i'm headed to an ex-colleague's wake later. News of my Inang's husband's passing last week is still fresh in my mind; my heart, thoughts and prayers going out to her and the family in Philippines everytime i run/swim.

It puts life into perspective. People celebrate, then they die. All too quickly. So make the most of it.

Emotionally, i've hit both high and low in love. After my swim earlier, i realised that i've had the blessed opportunity to know what love feels like, i've tasted utter rejection and despair and i know what it's like being 'loveless' and comfortable.

I take the three words, "I love you" very seriously. And i can't remember the last time i said it (though i can remember who i said it to), but when i do, it'll be the day i give my love away again. For now, under all these circumstances, i'm going to be comfortable with 'loveless'.

I'm stronger now. I appreciate celebrations like birthdays and weddings. I see them in better perspective and maturity. I have come to terms with departures and know that life may be brief for many, but its worth living.

Running with hope in my heart, i'll swim against the tide just to tell you, 'i love you'. Off to more runs and swims, training and prayer; putting everything in perspective.

Distrac..what?

Talk about drama...

Looks like training is taking a huge hit this week. Here's what my schedule was supposed to be like,

Mon - Run 10km

Tue - Run 12km

Wed - MUSE!!!!

Thu - Run 12km

Fri - Swim 2.5km

Sat - Swim 3km

Sun - Swim 2.5km

Fairly OK... but work has taken its toll and alot of other stuff has come up. Here's how it really looks to be,

Mon - Long meeting. Reached home at 3am

Tue - Freaking no mood. Big sh*t @ work.

Wed - ....MUSE.

Thu - Run 10km

Fri - Dinner + Drinks at Timbre

Sat - Swim 2.5km, go pick Auntie Conchita from the Airport

Sun - Church (of course), wine tasting with Miss Yeo and spend time with Auntie Conchita

Wait. That means i'm only gonna do one swim and one run. What the....

Tri*Factor Triathlon

My second Oly Triathlon and best yet! I'm happy i did 2 hour 35minutes!

What a Difference a Day Makes...

I came, I saw, I conquered. Maybe not so dramatic. But i am fairly pleased to say that i managed to swim, run and cycle today!

Swam my usual 2.5k after work. It was was an awesome swim. Perfect weather to boot, and i am quite sure i'll be sunburnt in the morning. (My arms look lobster-red).

Did an evenly-paced 10k run in the evening. I'm feeling the benefits of doing static station and interval training. Keeping a consistent pace was a breeze to say the least. I'm very sure i can complete the Olympic distance in 4 weeks, but of course, doing a good timing would be another matter altogether. 

The tricky thing about it being my first Olympic distance is my lack of confidence in deciding what my pace should be, or how much i should push? Should i remain conservative? Or risk burning out? I guess that's why athletes need coaches. 

Anyway, after the run, i'll be honest to say that i was tempted to rest. Well, i guess that's why i'm glad that i managed to push on and went to my usual riding route to do an hours' ride. Err.. i gave my legs a lactic bath. I could have believed my legs were filled with lead.

Overall, an awesome day of training!..

... and now i'm paying the price.