Time is Flying...

Third time's not a charm. Not only did I not do a PB 10 days ago for the 42, i was 3 minute slower than what i clocked last year.

But it wasn't an entirely disappointing race as i reached a new threshold of 35km, still feeling fresh and keeping pace. Training picked up well, (but still insufficient in my terms) and i've been running 20kms regularly. Experience also played a part as i was not bothered much about discomfort, blisters and hydration.

I managed to keep time til the 37km mark until the heat and humidity got the better of me and i was walking up the unsheltered and uncompromising ECP next to MBS. Saw many dropping out at the sides during this time and there was very little mental encouragement at that point of time.

I'm also very thankful that the knees held up. With both my knees and ankles taped up, there was surprisingly no ache. Well, at least not until the past 3 days when i've started running again!

All in all, the race went well and i know i've said that this could be my last. But how could i go out with timings slumping with each passing year? Even my triathlon hero, Chris McCormack proved that point. He came back to from 2007 to win the World Ironman Triathlon title in October.

It's a fantastic year for me with many memorable races. Going to end the year off with a bang! Looking forward to a couple of trips and then it's going to be a new year with a great new team, growing new friendships, maturing with the old ones and finding her!

At the meantime, i'll just keep running and chasing that lovely dream!

Back from the Dead

Yes, i did drag my lazy ass out of bed to run my third marathon. In summary, i did 5:25 in 2008, 5:55 in 2009 and 5:56 in 2010.

I'm not too disappointed though. I managed to run at a good pace til 35km when i started the run/walk cycle. Glad that most of my training paid off, but there's still so much to be desired to get my body more prepared for a longer race.

I shall give my customary race report in time to come. For now, i'm just glad to be back from the dead. Fell really ill on Monday evening and took the next couple of days to fully recover. So yes, i'm back!

And i can't wait to get to running again!

*
I see some photos of friends who ran on Sunday.. whether it's the 10, 21 or 42.. i feel inspired by each and every one of them.

The person who ran the 10, now feels inspired to run the 21. The person who overcame the odds and did the 21. The person who completed his goodness-knows how many gazillionth 42. Each and every one of them had an inspiration to run and i can't help but be inspired by these ordinary people with an 'ordinary' reason to do something extraordinary.

Thank you for your inspiration.

grumpy...

3 days to to race day and i've finally gotten down to planning the logistics. It sucks.

Consider the fact that you'll not only be on your feet for the next 5hours, you'll be running. And in my case, with a really bad knee. So you'll definitely want to plan well and get to the race and home safely, easily and in one piece.

It's going to be a challenge this year.

I'm not spoilt, i have done the marathon all by myself, without any support, before. But the biggest curveball here is that the start and finish line aren't at the same place. Let me lay it out for you.

Driving there? It won't help much because start and end are at different locations. Yes, there are shuttle buses to get you back to the start but with 2,000+ runners? Good luck with waiting.

I drove last year and at least i could dump my belongings in the car and just carry the carkeys. Since i'm not driving, where am i to put my barang barang? There are bag collection points. But once again, consider the crowds. Plus, the fact that the 42km baggage collection point will be at the F1 building; quite a distance from the finish line.

All that, and the fact that you just completed 42km?

Oh gawd... i might as well crawl my way home.

[ok, that was a really grumpy post. but don't worry, the writer is fine. He is looking forward to a long overdue break from work/technology; spending the final weeks of 2010 travelling!]

Not All About Running

I'm actually glad that amidst all the training and dieting, i am still able to find some time to chill with close friends and have a few drinks (in moderation).

(pictures have been blurred to protect the identities of those caught on camera)

i'm happy to see my peeps happy!

Frankly, i won't say i'm completely prepared for next Sunday's race. But then again, will i ever be? I'm actually pleased with being able to steadily complete 22-24km during my regular runs. The longer runs, even up to 30k, should be ok; breathing still in control. But it's the ache in the knee(s) that is the problem. I hate those sudden sharp jerks - makes me look like i got some spasm. Pretty embarrasing stuff if you ask me.

I've been heavily taping my knees and ankles. But even with the tape, i still feel my joints, creaking - that's definitely not a good sign. I only have a few more long runs before the 42k. It's gonna hold up. Oh God... it will.

What now?

Does this mean i can't run the 42km in 2 weeks' time?

My knee is not in good shape. Sigh.

UPDATE:

Sigh.. i just got photos from this year's OSIM tri. Made me miss racing and training.

Had a good friend leave a comment on an old facebook photo album; an album of my first sprint triathlon. I thank him for his encouraging words..

Guess it's all part of the Big Daddy's little way of cheering me up and getting me motivated again.

22 in 2:22

Running has evolved for me over the past 3 years. I remember starting out doing 3km runs, 3 times a week around my neighborhood (well, 3km is just one round around the block la...pfffft) to lose weight. I progressed to doing 5-7km in preparation for my first few races. Some discipline finally paid off and i started enjoying being fitter.

During these races, i saw many familiar faces and thought, 'if they could do it, why can't i?'. I guess that's when my obsession started. I admit that vanity and ego played their part; I signed up for longer distances and trained my knees out for them.

Now, after having completed couple of full marathons, a handful of Olympic triathlons, some duathlons, many biathlons/runs and an Ironman, i find myself running for a different reason.

I run because i want to get away from everything else. Some quiet time thinking about the challenges ahead and enjoying God's presence. And during one of my longer runs tonight (i did about 22km?) I had couple of prayers answered...

*

The verse, Psalm 68:19 "Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits..." finally sank in. The words 'loads', 'daily' and 'benefits' just popped out at me and despite the new year/challenges coming up, i'm reminded to take things one day at a time.

I've also prayed about being in love again. Remembering all my past relationships and looking at couples around me, it dawned on me that being in love meant not drawing my identity and security from my partner. My needs of love, attention and affection must ultimately be grounded on God. Being in love means being selfless, but every man/woman gets depleted somehow. Not when they keep drawing from God.

I realised i've been too selfish in my past relationships. I've not been fair (to say the least) to all those who have given me nothing but support, understanding and love. They've either left me, or due to my (selfish) needs, i've let them down. I may not realise it then, but the reason i got upset/angry at my partner(s) then was i expected something from them. If you become less selfish of your own needs, you'd genuinely care for your partners, there won't be any infidelity and alot more understanding and less anger/fights.

I agree that the world's divorce rate would be cut in half if husbands and wives become less selfish and actually start giving.

I owe that to the next girl who captures my heart. All i will do is to love her. She don't have to worry about me, cos God's covered my needs. My only and best reward will be to see her happy.

*

As 2010 winds down, i'm going to miss many things. The colleagues and (strange) friends i've made during the last three-and-a-half years at work. The deeper bonds i've made with my schoolmates. Especially when we guys fell out of our relationships like dominos. Hey, at least one good thing came out of that!

And lastly, i'm going to miss running.

My Asics when i first got it. It has served me through two Olympic triathlons, one biathlon, one marathon and the Ironman. It's dying now..the seams are splitting.. but let's do it one more time k? one last 42?

It seems like this year's 42km will be my third..and my last. Sadly, my knees don't seem to agree with me anymore.

2 hours and 22 minutes is alot of time to think, reflect and pray. and that's what i did this evening.

Done

Everything is going to change.

Keeping My Eyes Open

Finally ran 19km last night. Surprisingly, it wasn't that painful. The knees starting aching during the last couple of rounds, but overall it was a smooth run as i wasn't left panting.

Made sure i ate well and stretched to recover well. But with only 4 hours of sleep, i'm really struggling to stay awake today..

.. oh i was so tired i even forgot to get coffee. Will probably grab some during lunch before the afternoon meeting.

Hmm..and i'm starting to feel the aches in my thighs. I want to do another 19km tonight and i need to do some late-night shopping.

Please, let it be so!

The sinner seek Devotion

I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, this salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
We are redeemed
I'm believing, trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
To take up my cross and follow You Lord

When You stand, the tall tress and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees
I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, this salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
We are redeemed
I'm believing, trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
To take up my cross and follow You Lord

When You stand, the tall tress and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

Died to My Dreams...

..and i surrendered to God.

After a hard week training, nothing was as welcoming as a long weekend away from work. I had some quiet time to do more runs, pray about the big decision i am about to make and ultimately getting back up to where i belong.

The pressure of training and performance during races destroys the joy and passion i have for the sport. The expectations at work and home ruins relationships that should be enjoyed. All my hopes and dreams, i surrender them all.

In a Blink of an Eye

So i turned a year older over the weekend...

Thanks Guys!

Can't imagine we're all the age we're at. It seemed like yesterday when we were doing the craziest sh*t 10 years ago. Hey wait, we're still doing it. Guess some things never change.

Now that all that partying is out of the way, i really really have to get down to business. 42km is just 5 weeks away.

A usual sight, almost every night

I have to put in more hours into training. Not just for the 42km in December, but hopefully for the Ironman Tri in march. The only thing that's stopping me from registering is i don't see a point in taking part when i'm not fully committed to train for it. Over 50% of the field has been snapped up...gotta decide soon!

Time is slipping by. Another year has passed, i've gotten a year older, we're almost to a new year and before i know it, i'll be at that starting line...

...

sigh.

On my Knees

The eternal debate on running wrecking your knees,

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/13/phys-ed-do-marathons-wreck-your-knees/

A long but interesting read. The article publishes test studies and tries to present an unbiased opinion by presenting both sides of the arguement. I say 'tries' because the test was already skewed to prove that running marathons do wreck the knees.

But does that mean every single marathon runner is destined to have arthritis?

With proper diet, warm-up/stretching and a steady training programme, runners need not punish their knees. Post-training and race recovery is just as important.

The only uncontrollable condition would be genes. But you can do a body analysis (expensive) and have a training programme specially crafted to your current condition to train within your physical limits.

I have to admit, i'm afraid that with my current knee condition, i may not be able to go as far or as long as i want to. But then again, just like any other form or exercise, it is meant to strengthen and condition the body. So i'm all for proper training to strengthen my knees.

So train hard, train well, train safe. See you at the finish line!

"Pain is weakness leaving the body" - Guerrero, Oklahoma City University

just what i needed

Had a really contented week. Did most of my shopping, met up with the ex-colleagues for another sushi buffet on thurs, met the doodes for movie-night on sat and topped it off with an awesome race-day-sunday.

There was a heavy storm on saturday night and i almost decided to give the race a miss when it was still drizzling on Sunday morning.

The Battlefield

Although it wasn't the best condition for racing, i'm glad i didn't miss it in the end. The transition area was muddy, the waters were the roughest i've ever swam in and the bike leg was dangerously crowded (the kids race shouldn't have been flagged off that close to the adult races).

Surprisingly, i managed to do a sub 2:50 timing! I cramped up with 6km of running left, but managed to keep running with nothing but mental. Remembered praying alot, talking to God to distract the pain and i clearly remembered saying if God will let me finish the race without walking, i'm definitely going to church later.

And He really did.

I even got to meet a good friend during church and had a nice time catching up with her. Awesomeness.

Well, it's gonna be another awesome week. When my legs finally recover, i'm gonna hit the road with my new shuffle and new shoes!

42km, here i come!

:)

Finally did some shopping! I guess this is how the ladies feel when they get a couple of nice dresses or designer bags?

I'm all hyped to train even more..i've got my music, a new kit, new shoes and even Felicia got new trainers! Hyped up!

Isolation

Finding serenity in isolation. I've been sticking close to my training and diet, mostly due to this Sunday's race at ECP. But i'm absolutely loving the effects.

Been running and swimming every other day. The diet is good, enough carbs for training, no alcohol. And with enough rest (no late nights), i'm physically and mentally satisfied.

To give myself a pat on the back...

i got me the new shuffle!

And, I'm planning to go get a new pair of racing shoes tonight! I'm eagerly waiting for my blue shuffle. It should be coming any day now. Finally gonna put some music into my runs, which should be getting longer.

More importantly, i feel very much contented doing these 'simple' things. The past ten days have been quiet but this simplicity has been sweet. No more crazy sh*t, no more schoolboy emo-ness and even though the circumstances may sway every now and then, they become irrelevant when you've got your head screwed on the right place.

Ha. I think i've finally grown up. It's time to go live life to the fullest... the REAL life.

Glad my training's back on track. So. Very. Glad.

Stomache

"Oooo...i don't feel so gooood"

I got myself carbon pills, i hope my tummy gets better so i can be ready for next weeks' race. It sure looks like this weekend will be a quiet one for me.

I have to make sure there's a toilet (stocked with toilet paper!) within a 500 metre radius. Other than my errands, i think i'll just stay at home and watch the F1. Was planning to chill with friends, shop for tech/clothes and finish up my training before tapering. Looks highly unlikely now.

Sigh, there goes the weekend. I feel really shitty now. No pun intended.

I just had to share this

Breaking away from tradition, today's message was really powerful and i needed to share it.

Don’t Let Your Past Rob You

Philippians 3:13–14
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Are you living a life of regrets thinking, “If only…”? “If only I had that college education… If only I had married the right girl… If only I had taken up the other job… If only I had not made that stupid mistake…”

Is your past robbing you of the joy of today?

Then forget your past!

You might say, “But Pastor Prince, you do not know what I have done in the past!”

Consider Paul. If the devil had anything to bring against Paul, it would be reminders of how he had persecuted the early church and caused the deaths of many, including Stephen, the first Christian martyr.

Paul had done horrendous things that were hard for him to forget. But he had such a revelation of God’s awesome forgiveness that he could say, “forgetting those things which are behind… I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.

Beloved, God has forgiven you of all your sins. He has completely forgiven you and declared, “Your sins and lawless deeds, I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17)

Like Paul, you can forget your past, the wrongs you have done and the hurts you have caused others or been through yourself. God can take the tears of yesterday and transform them into the miracles of tomorrow. He can restore to you in all abundance what you have lost. He can cause all things, even the painful events of your past, to work together for your good. (Romans 8:28)

God’s Word says, “The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” (Isaiah 58:8) His glory will cover your past. Wherever you go, His glory covers your past. It is no longer the same past that you know of because His glory has descended on it. Your past is past. It has been wiped out. It is gone! So don’t let your past rob you of today’s joy any longer!

© Copyright Joseph Prince, 2006. All rights reserved.

Ding Dong

Less than two to weeks to my first Olympic triathlon since May. Not satisfied with training to do a personal best, but i'll enjoy the race anyway. Training during these last weeks (before tapering) were going good. Not until the past weekend!

Blooie's!

Diet was totally out the window. Had Dim Sum to celebrate Grandma's birthday, had couple of beers, burgers, popcorn, chicken rice, belgium waffles with ice-cream and prata! [don't worry, i still managed to avoid pork/beef..the burger is chicken]

After a commendable attempt at climbing back up the fitness ladder, i'm now having diarrhea probably from the sudden overdose of oily junk food during the last two days.

I'm still going to run tonight, swim tomorrow, run again, run somemore then swim. Even if i have to poop in my pants!

...i am determined to.

Motivate

There's no secret to it - stagnate and perish. If i don't continue training, i'll backslide. And it's very painful to climb back up to a reasonable fitness level.

Last night's swim was painful. My arms were sore in the middle of the swim, when the aches usually come the next day. So you can imagine my arms, neck and back today at work. Sigh.

You would have thought that after all this training, it should be getting easier. I've accepted the fact that it never will. If it does, that would mean stagnating. Even champions don't remain status quo, you keep going until you can't go on anymore.

I've said before that if i had the choice and more importantly - the talent, to become a professional athlete, i would. I guess it's OK to complain every now and then (training is tiring, so sian, etc) but at the end of it all, it's the passion of 'doing' that will drive me to keep going.

I read in the papers that an Australian runner is planning to run from North to South pole for the Red Cross. It's these little bits that help remind me why i'm risking my knees, wasting my evenings in solitude and spending most of my salary on equipment/events to 'torture' myself.

But just for tonight... i take my motivation from UFC fighter, Tito Ortiz's comeback.

Today is just today. Tomorrow is another matter altogether. Tonight's run is just tonight's run.

Eid Mubarak

It's been a long month, but i've not eaten pork and had alcohol during this time. I doubt i'll be at peak performance in 3 weeks' time, but at least my training is slowly picking up.

This week marks the end.When ramadan comes to an end, and the holy month of fasting is over.When all the incense paper is burnt, the hungry ghosts return to the underworld...

...all except the ghost of Mambo.

"waddarp yo! gao says it's time to partayy!"

No hangover the following morning, but it was one of the most uncomfortable day at work. Not to mention the next run i had. alcohol and training definitely don't go together.

Well, it was a fun night nonetheless...but it's back to training! 1 oly triathlon and 1 full marathon for 2010!

"Full steam for HP-Trifactor triathlon"

Full-steam-your-head la. Yeah, that was written in my diary couple of months back when i was charting my training for October's race.

I'm still feeling slack and i've less than 4 weeks to race day. I've never been this unprepared, ever. I've not touched chlorine water for 10 days. My bike tyres have gone flat. I've not ran more than 18 km during the past 10 days.

It'll be a miracle if i can finish in a decent time. If this laziness keeps up, it'll be a miracle if i can even finish the race.

Worst part is, i have the motivation of a couch potato.

... i can't even be bothered to bend over and pick up that book.

Haunting

Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh reckless abandon,
Like no one's watching you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

Songs of desperation
I played them for you
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A moment, a love (won't stop to surrender)

-Sweet Disposition, The Temper Trap

i wet myself...

Ok, suddenly i feel anxious. IPPT is in couple of days' time and i've been eating well...too well. Going to have a feast on Friday night with the colleagues, a buffet tonight with the ex-colleagues, and had a food tasting session at the Shang last night...

That's three consecutive nights of stuffing myself. And then IPPT on Saturday morning. The thing is, i still feel the same as i did 5 years ago when i was at my fitness-worst. Knowing i do Ironman triathlons, you must be thinking 'wtf la.. IPPT is what compared to your races, still scared for what? then people like me so fat and never exercise can just go and die la'.

Wait, wait, wait...

Let me explain. You see, it doesn't matter whether i'm a couch potato or an olympic champion. IPPT is still a test, it is still a form of 'race' in which i am expected to perform. So naturally, i would want to perform well. I do agree that if i'm the latter, perhaps i wouldn't be as as anxious, knowing that i can probably get the gold incentive... (but then again, if i'm the former, i wouldn't be anxious at all and just screw the test altogether and sign up for Remedial Training immediately...cue *FML*)

So you see, i believe that feeling anxious is inevitable. And i guess that applies to everything in life as well; especially at work, like meeting deadlines, clients, appraisals. Perhaps this even applies to when you're going out on your 14,724th date.. you still feel that anxiousness?

If it's unavoidable, might as well embrace it. After all, it's this anxiousness can help spur us psychologically (if contained at the right level). At least i know for sure that it does povide the adrenalin to push the body beyond its normal limits. Just that as of now, i'm trying to contain it to a good level...

Can't be helped that i don't feel as prepared as i should with so much feasting just before the test, and this week basically derailed the training schedule for October's triathlon and December's marathon. Sigh.

Oh well, as for saturday's IPPT, even if i don't get the gold incentive of $400, at least the gahmen is giving me $10,500 for the National Service Recognition Award. So i should learn to just chillax!

Thank you la, Mr. Lee..*wee weet* So hamsum!

So How Now, Brown Cow?

IPPT this Saturday. I feel more motivated to get the cash because it's going to go to my nanny's family. It's sad to hear of (yet another) death in her immediate family. Mother-in-law, husband and sister... all in the span of 2 months. Well, even if i don't get the monetary incentive, i'm going to give anyway. :(

And even with the three consecutive dinner-meetings this week, i believe i'd be in good form for the test. I figured that even if i can't do my runs, i can still allocate an hour at night to do 200 sit-ups and 100 push-ups. Heck i can even do it in my room, half nekkid.

Yes, i'm building on my core. But it's kinda challenging. I'm feeling the ache in my upper body and i like it. But i can't seem to feel anything at my abs. It's THAT bad... i actually did 200 sit-ups in the park yesterday, until i 'struggled' to lift myself up. Was expecting to feel sore today, but noo... i feel BLOATED. How come like that?!

I'm motivating myself to get some definition with this photo...

2008 OSIM triathlon.
Don't you just want to reach in and pinch that layer of giggly lard? *Mmmm*!!!

Concentrated and Focused

At the end of it all, if there's only one thing that matters, one thing you can change - what would that be?

If there's one thing i've learnt, it's to be focused. Most times, our judgement and problems get clouded by our 'innate intelligence' that brings in too many factors, possibilities, different outcomes and 'what if's. Work problems, relationship issues and now my training - i see that getting to the root of the problem and addressing it solves the problem quickly, effectively and with alot less heartache.

I can safely say that i've maintained my fitness to a good level. I can complete Olympic triathlons and finish marathons without (major) injury. But pushing up my rankings and doing personal bests requires me to get out of this plateau.

I've been increasing my distances steadily, but my body is not responding too well. My knees are getting busted and now i feel it at the ankles too. I know something's amiss when physically, my body is not getting into the shape it's supposed to be (to perform) on top of all these injuries.

It's my core. I believe i've been neglecting my core all this while. I should do adaquete warm-ups/stretching (aiyar, i admit i lazy sometimes...ok, most of the time) to loosen the core and prepare the body for work and after my runs, strengthen it with more crunches and planks.

not only because it looks good, a body like this means you got a 'core'. I want.

... addressing the one thing that is truly needed and everything else will naturally fall into place.

A Lame Excuse

One week of inactivity for me is like a decade of hibernation. It's been a really rotten week after monday's holiday when i was all set to achieve a challenging training program this week.

Of the years i've been running on this route, i finally had my first fall. I was really pissed at that chinaman who didn't bother sharing the walkway with me. I should have just rugby-tackled him. But i skipped onto the grass patch to avoid him, and who the hell throws a multiple plug adapter in a park?! Some idiot did and my left foot landed right on it, causing my ankle to overpronate and i couldn't believe what happened next.

I remember tumbling forward, then rolling onto my back into the drain. I could feel sand, twigs, dried leaves in my hair, stuck on my perspiring body. i was flat on my back looking up. Then i felt it. A sharp pain through my left ankle.

F*CK.

Then i sat up and my natural reaction was to grab the ankle tightly. "Sh*t, cannot run already" was my first thought. That's when i saw him.

That friggin' chinaman was couple metres in front of me now, staring down the drain at me. I looked at him, clenching my teeth in pain. He looked at me. I wasn't sure if i said "help" because i was dealing with the searing pain and was still in abit of shock. But that mofo just stood there. Best part was, he looked around to see if anybody was nearby.

Noone. Then he looked at me. And..walked off.

It's been couple of days now and i still don't believe it...
1. You didn't bother to at least lean aside so we both could pass each other.
2. Who the fark throws a plug in a park.
3. You looked around to get help. ...NOT.
4. You left me sitting in a ditch.

FML.

Fat, Fatter, Fattest

I put on weight. 3kilos to be exact. I've stepped up training and been increasing my distances steadily.

Longer runs and swims mean that my appetite is insatiable and i've been eating everything and anything. It's weird.


I'm actually running more but i'm getting fatter. I know that i haven't been watching my diet; i've been eating whatever i can get my hands on. Like by the time i finish my 2 hour runs, i'm only left with ordering Macs. Either that or instant noodles. And i eat ALOT, to satisfy my hunger.

My tummy is back.

So my body is burning more fuel but i've been putting in crap to (over)replace the burnt storage. No wonder i've put on weight. (note: my exercises are all cardio, no weights, whatsoever) Think i really need to buck up on the diet part, especially when i'm training harder than before.

I keep telling myself this too, but i really gotta start cutting down on the late nights and the vices that come with it...

... but i've just gotten to know Mister Mac.

Kiss & Tell...

I'm not one to kiss & tell. So...i'm not telling. Moving right along, that was one helluva weekend. I know i said i wouldn't do alot of things; but i did. And many things i didn't know i can do; i did.

I still got three 15km runs to complete by this week and i plan to do one after work today. My knee is the last thing i'm actually worried about. My lungs and my liver/stomach..i hope they hold up tonight man. Yikes..

What a weekend...




... how about it...one more time?

Very Careful Now

I'm being very careful. If it means i'm getting smarter, then it's a good thing i've become more selfish and not be so open to just about giving attention, money, favours and most of all, my love, so easily.

Going to focus that attention and not risk further injury. I'm really grateful to those who have showed me concern. Yes, i'm easily touched, i wish i can reciprocate but i can't. Not yet. While its nice to see people turn up at races to show support, it's the people who are there during rehabilitation and the unglamorous times (during injury) who really care.

Money has never been a problem for me, i guess i don't live a lavish lifestyle. I could finally pamper myself on a pair of Newtons and then Oakleys. It's only right for a gentleman to pay on a date, but only if she's a lady. It's shocking to see girls expecting to be impressed and have the extravagant dinner date and shopping paid for (even on the first date). I've been 'poor' before, and when i see a girl who's willing to stand by a guy during the bad times, she deserves nothing but all that i've got. But i need a new pair of running shoes.. better break into them before my upcoming races!

I'm not going to give favours away as easily as i used to. Sometimes i feel like people just wanna make use of your connections - to know your good-looking or famous friends. That's bloody shallow. But i guess it's normal when it's called 'networking'. Yeah, lose weight, gain friends.. but are those 'real' friends? Anybody can be part of the crowd, cheering you when you're a champion, but true friends are the ones beside you when you're limping to the finish line at last place.

By being selfish, i hope i'll be selfless when it comes to love. Being nice to just about everyone is wrong; the girlfriend needs to feel exclusive. I can't decide if i love running or swimming more, but she must definitely feel like i love nobody else more.

i heff all i need..

I need to be more careful now. I've already risked my knee, can't afford to break another part of my body... the heart. :)

Down

My worst run, tonight. Depressed. Didn't finish the run. Busted the knee.
F*ck.

###

Updated on 22/07/2010:

Physically alot better. I can't keep my right knee bent for more than a minute before it starts to hurt. Manual driving was a real bloody torture. Sigh.

Ok, it's not so bad. I'll be physically better. Water-exercises later will help sooth the pain. I'm still really sore (no pun intended) about not being able to finish the run. The feeling of quitting is alot worst than losing. I almost finished, i had 2km more and i gave up. I f*cking quit.

Been telling myself it's only a run, don't risk permanent (or isit already?) injury, there's more chances to run, etc etc...but it's like consoling myself. So how am i supposed to do to get better if i don't break this barrier?

I'm planning to do a OD tri on 3 Oct before the 42 in Dec. I need to push myself to another level or it's just gonna be the same results again, again..again.

Feeling like crap. I can't even imagine feeling worst than this.. perhaps after my first OD tri in 2009? Talk about that..CRAP...dammit, angryy... !#%^*

ROAR!!!!!

One or Two

I'm (kinda) glad nothing happened last night. Was so tired from work, i totally collapsed. Bad news is i didn't run and i ordered Mac's. At least i got enough rest and i didn't put the 'real' bad stuff into the system.

And because i had sufficient rest last night, i should be good to do a long run AND a swim. While i was packing the gear this morning i was thinking about the days when i did all three. I ran in the morning, swam in the afternoon and biked in the evening. It's not easy (totally crash on the bed after a day like that) but the feeling you get from accomplishing a full day of exercise is very rewarding.

I miss that.

I don't even know if i can attempt to do a swim or run later. It's almost time to knock off work; I plan to do the 15km run in the afternoon (since the sun is not out yet) and maybe hit the pool in the afternoon. Really hope to get abit of sun while i'm at it.

I looked back at my old photos and i want to go back to be like how it was...

except that i'm moving forward with this.

Paint me my ending...

Yes, i'm listening to emo songs. So sad. Well, perhaps it's the fact that i haven't touched cholrine water in 3 weeks. I know what's gonna happen when i hit the pool later...my lungs will feel like they shrank by 74%

I'm gonna feel like i'm completely made of lead. Probably sink right to the bottom. Darn. How could this be? I used to love swimming; not just it's a break from running, but i really enjoy stroking, toning the arms and legs and expanding my lungs. Oh man, what am i gonna do now..

###

UPDATED (16/07/2010): So nice to finally touch water again. Yes, as expected, my arms couldn't pull as efficiently as they should and my shoulders + back are aching from the 30 laps of (mostly) pulling and kicking.

I'm apprehensive about tonight. No, not about doing the (15k) run later, but what's gonna happen after that. I got a feeling that i won't get enough rest, then i'll turn up to work tomorrow like a zombie and won't be able to get my afternoon swim done. Needlessly to say, there goes another precious opportunity to get some sun.

I'm really disgusted with my paleness.

'Ooo..me so sexay'

Damn, if i get any whiter, i'm going to glisten under sunlight ala Edward Cullen. FML.

Inspired

When training gets mundane, it's time to get yourself motivated again. But for some, it's more than being motivated, it's finding inspiration...



And it's more than just training; it's about life and how we are going to live what's left of it. For me, i'm taking it every kilometre at a time for as long as these knees will let me.

And now... for something new

I'm going to stop, really. There's no more excuse not to. My knee's recovered considerably, my fitness is back, i'm ready to go longer, faster and be fitter.

It's time i draw a proper plan and stick to it best i can. 4 runs, 3 swims a week. No meals after 10pm, no fried food, more fruits and fibre.

And while training for Dec's 42, i guess my IPPT before October will help me gauge my progress. Time to cash in on that four hundred.

I'm praying that from now til then, i stay injury-free and my schedule continues to allow my training. Feeling really good about all of it, i see everything falling into place and i'm really happy. Thank God.

I had this funny dream... that i was running the marathon with her. It's her first marathon and she's nervous, but i assured her that i'll run it with her all the way. And we did...round the bend, what a relief to see the finish sign.

The crowds on both sides are cheering us down the final 200 metres. And though she's tired, i can see her smile from accomplishing a gruelling 42km. Kinda reminded me of the feeling i had when i completed my first 42.

She's holding my hand now, looking straight at the finish and soaking up the cheers. I hold her hand and we jog slowly towards the final stretch. She is amazing; i can feel her pulling me along now, the pain a couple of hours ago seem to disappear as she's really enjoying her achievement.

Just a couple of steps away, i grip her hand tightly and i pull her back. She turns and i see that smile facing me now. I can't believe how beautiful she looks, even after running a friggin' marathon. Her smile fades and confusion sets in.

"What, why are we stopping in.."

I made sure she's looking at me. I looked straight into her eyes and suddenly the cheers become muted. The other runners running past us become shadows, a blur... as i see her face radiate with charm.

Perhaps it's my problematic knee acting up after five hours of running... i get down on one knee..

"I don't want to finish this race without you... I want to run the rest of my life's race with you; i'll be running behind you, cheering you on when you are tired. I'll be running ahead of you to help guide you, and i'll walk through every painful moment with you, your hand in mine."

I can see her eyes widening and i think i see a crowd staring at us. I think it's kinda moist, but i take out a silver band from behind me. (i think, 'thank goodness i didn't get an abrasion from carrying this')

"I want to cross, not just this finish line...but my life's finish line with you... will you let me?"

...Will you marry me?

The painful climb

It's been two weeks since i'm back and as expected, it's the painful climb to get back my fitness. I've only been running and it's really painful both mentally and physically. My lungs are like the size of my fists; i run out of breath after 15 minutes of running. I miss going 2hours non-stop.

I haven't even hit the pool yet and i already feel like i'm becoming translucent. I miss the healthy tan but i'm really lazy to swim and late nights have not helped either. At least i feel like the alcohol and bad stuff is coming out of the system. During my first few runs last week, i can almost imagine me sweating out beer. Slowly but surely, i'll feel clean and pure. (damn sounds like i got STD)

I believe the European diet is alot healthier. Though we have several courses per meal, the food there is never (or very seldom) fried. There's no chili like what we have in Asia, so there's no greasy/oily chili sauce. The only thing about the European diet is that it can get salty and is carbo-heavy. Well, the latter is good for the long endurance training right?

In terms of training motivation, i'm glad that i'm finding some renewed peace and joy. I know i used to channel all the anger and emo-ness into my runs and that really worked. But as all that negativity melts away, i find myself running with pure motivation to get stronger/faster. I take inspiration from the great Chrissie Wellington; she's such a joy (literally) to watch.

My life's not altogether perfect at the moment and there are still a few question-marks, but i'm focused on what i need to do and prepare for future races. I'm starting to find time to meet up with friends and family too, so what more can i ask for? I'm sorry if my training made you feel like you were not important. Hey, i promise that's all different now. I'm just a SMS away, let's meet up!

July

Half of 2010 has gone by. It's time to make the other half better! With only the December's marathon to train for, i will be missing the triathlon. However, i promise to sign up for next year's edition and my second Ironman triathlon. Perhaps, i will look forward to finally doing an overseas race!

On another note, i am experiencing technical difficulties. Many of my social networking sites are down/deactivated. And that is a blessing in disguise. It's good to keep things simple and spend more time with you - the people who really matter.

No more pretentious pictures, comments, tweets and 'likes'. If you need me, you've got my email at least. If you want to, you've got my handphone number and i'm just a SMS away.

I'd rather talk to you and meet up over a good meal/drinks. That's how serious i want to be with you!

If not, i'll keep myself busy with what else...training!

Munich, Salzburg & Vienna

I'm back from Germany/Austria. Although it was a 'work' trip, i'm glad i had some pockets of time to enjoy. Overall, it was the people i was with that didn't make it feel like work. Thank God for that.

That's George, one of my roomies. He's European (durh) so he's like the perfect companion. Got to appreciate the culture abit better thanks to him.


I was with the cutest bunch of kids; kids who say the darnest things. They made the trip more memorable and fun.


And of course, there were loads to drink. Actually, i drank every single night i was there. I dont remember drinking much water. In a single day, i had five different alcoholic drinks. Beer was like standard beverage at lunch, red wine during dinner and all sorts of hard liquor (like whiskey) after dinner.

It was fun the first couple of nights, but at the third, it was just tiring. We had to work the next day too, so that was bad.

The diet was mostly mashed potatoes, pork, salad, soup and alot of freshly made bread. Surprisingly, i think it was a better diet than what i've been having in Singapore (apart from the carbs).

So it was a good break and i'm supposed to start training all over again tomorrow. Sigh.

At least when i train, i remember the clear waters and long roads i saw during this trip. Makes me wanna come back and do a race here someday...

Break

"Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When i won't have to leave alone
About the times, i won't have to say.."

I'm leaving on a jet plane. Be back in 2 weeks.

Bed-ridden

For the past 12 hours, i've been planted on my bed, only to get up for meals and trips to the toilet. And i hate this.

It's a good break from running and swimming every other day. I think i'll be good for a swim tomorrow and soak in some sun. I'm gonna miss training as i'll be away in Germany/Austria and i hope i don't backslide too much. Yikes.

But for now, i just need to get out of bed. In a way, i did deserve it. Got kinda upset, had a long night (us four, finally!) and this is what you get. Worst morning/afternoon ever. Gosh if i can remember, i think i was really quiet in the corner and just kept pouring.

Argh, no comments. I'm just looking forward to the time i'm totally immune to all of it. Won't be long i guess. I can feel it coming. Tricky thing is, i might slide the other way. Nothing exactly wrong with that, but it just ain't the most 'acceptable' lifestyle. You know what i mean?

Stop imagining la. It's not what you think it is, you sick perverts.

Just Two.

I'm thankful for whatever life is throwing at me; i'm taking everything as a learning phase and it's all about becoming a better person at the end of the day. I've come to realise that i've found stability in two things - Jesus Christ and training.

I don't doubt that everyone has a conscience and know when they made a boo-boo. Guilt and fear is a clear indication. Worry is the subtle cousin that tends to come before that.

I know i haven't exactly been the best role model at times; i curse when some driver cuts my lane, to being a total jerk when it comes to people's feelings. The best part is that it's not about me, but how great is a God that knows how much i am failing and with the purest form of love, He forgives and turn my screw-ups around to bless me abundantly.

"God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more abundant." - Romans 5:20

I'm really comforted and loved to have that assurance.

Running/training has also given me so much in keeping me sane. It takes on so many different forms for me. A run after a busy, emotional draining day just lets me spend time alone, collecting my thoughts in prayer and getting my bearings right for the task ahead.

On other days, the anger is displaced when i pound the road or crawl up and down the pool during the evenings. Better than keeping it inside and going crazy, a run/swim always helps to diffuse the frustration.

I know i've neglected my two loves from time to time. The best part is, they've always been there even when i haven't. Everytime i need to, for as long as my knees can take me, the track will always be waiting for me to visit. I thank God that He'll never leave nor forsake me too. He's really awesome and is always just a whisper away.

I'm really blessed to have the two with me. But somehow, i got the feeling that there actually might be a 'three'...




...all along.