I like the feeling of a half-filled stomach and muscle-weakened body. I've found my status quo again; after six continuous days of running and swimming, i've ran 35km and swam 7.5km in total.
Mentally, i'm focused on training again. Emotionally, i've cut myself away from all distractions. It's a real roller-coaster ride the past couple of months. I've been to many funerals, weddings and baby showers. Today, i went for a baby shower in the morning and i'm headed to an ex-colleague's wake later. News of my Inang's husband's passing last week is still fresh in my mind; my heart, thoughts and prayers going out to her and the family in Philippines everytime i run/swim.
It puts life into perspective. People celebrate, then they die. All too quickly. So make the most of it.
Emotionally, i've hit both high and low in love. After my swim earlier, i realised that i've had the blessed opportunity to know what love feels like, i've tasted utter rejection and despair and i know what it's like being 'loveless' and comfortable.
I take the three words, "I love you" very seriously. And i can't remember the last time i said it (though i can remember who i said it to), but when i do, it'll be the day i give my love away again. For now, under all these circumstances, i'm going to be comfortable with 'loveless'.
I'm stronger now. I appreciate celebrations like birthdays and weddings. I see them in better perspective and maturity. I have come to terms with departures and know that life may be brief for many, but its worth living.
Running with hope in my heart, i'll swim against the tide just to tell you, 'i love you'. Off to more runs and swims, training and prayer; putting everything in perspective.
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