Happy

[This has nothing to do with my training]

Barely six months ago, i was grappling with relationship issues and a major turning point in my life. Admittingly so, i've done many things any self-respecting decent man would be ashamed of. The only solace i have now is i have buried my past sins, wiped the slate clean and at the very least, i have no desire or want to go back to who i was. All this would not have been possible without the grace and love of God that truly transformed my life.

I'm not done yet, not on this earth at least, and i know there's more to learn, more to grow and more to become. At this moment, i am at peace with myself. And i have been so for the past couple of months. The childish anger, insecurity and deeper condemnation that has unconsciously plagued me during my growing up years are finally dissapating and to say the least, i am truly happy where i am headed now.

If i may say so, i feel that finally, i see what true love should be and i understand all that i failed to do in my previous relationships. To love someone wholeheartedly, to give everything to that person. To put aside myself completely and live for another's dream. And to do that, i would have to be at peace with myself and secure with who i am. Of course, there's still that "risk", but that comes from fear right? And perfect Love casts out all fear.

I truly understand and believe now that there is no fear in loving someone. No insecurity, but total commitment. With whoever you are, you can support who he/she is and will become. To grow old and live forever.

I used to think i know who that person is. But not anymore. Because looking back at the events from the past month, i'm not going to regret what i have done or said. Because deep inside, i did it from a position of peace. I was truly at peace and reconciled with myself.

At least i can say, i was waiting, praying, hoping. But that didn't happen. Perhaps there's a deeper reason to things; as with many things in life we cannot control. While i can only do what i can, the rest is literally up to her. I'm ready, but she's not. Instead, anger, miscommunication and pain ensued.

After much thought, what i should do now is to present an offering of peace - That it is best for us not to speak at all. How ironic - when i'm certain now that i will not run away from my problems, the best solution to give happiness now is to do just that - walk away.

How ironic.

Everyone deserves some happiness, peace, love and joy. But sometimes we don't get all of it. Only God knows and sees the entire picture. At least He is for me.

So once and for all, let's close this chapter and finally move on. I cannot decide for you if your heart is not willing. All i know is i've been ready and i can't help but see how perfect it is...or now, how perfect it could have been.

It could have been.

Smile, because we deserve to. Live life to the fullest and hold on the Truth.

Forever yours, Mike