Showers with Thunder over many areas

Sigh. What does this mean?

I've never felt this low before. It does seem like i'm not meant to race anymore. OSIM brings back bittersweet memories. I totally bombed out on my first Olympic triathlon last year, but have since improved and been doing better times for subsequent races and ultimately ended with a high with last month's Ironman.

I continued training hard and felt that i could overturn this OSIM jinx and made 2010 the best standard distance race ever.

Then right at the most crucial point, my entire week of training got disrupted. So that flushes all my training down the latrine. While i'm gotten over the past week, physically i'm in a mess. I tried doing a short run yesterday and i was not feeling good.. just eight minutes. Not good.

I'm feeling like a lamb brought to the slaughter tomorrow. And frankly, i'm thinking of just pulling out of the race. But thinking about that makes me really want to kick myself and i'm already feeling like crap for wanting to.

And now. The rain is pouring down. There is no way they're going to do an open water swim in these conditions. So the race might be cancelled anyways. But that's not helping me either.
This just sucks. If i race, i'm going to bomb it. If i don't it's cos i chickened out or the weather didn't let me. Either way, it's not going to be a happy ending.

What. The. F.