Kiss & Tell...

I'm not one to kiss & tell. So...i'm not telling. Moving right along, that was one helluva weekend. I know i said i wouldn't do alot of things; but i did. And many things i didn't know i can do; i did.

I still got three 15km runs to complete by this week and i plan to do one after work today. My knee is the last thing i'm actually worried about. My lungs and my liver/stomach..i hope they hold up tonight man. Yikes..

What a weekend...




... how about it...one more time?

Very Careful Now

I'm being very careful. If it means i'm getting smarter, then it's a good thing i've become more selfish and not be so open to just about giving attention, money, favours and most of all, my love, so easily.

Going to focus that attention and not risk further injury. I'm really grateful to those who have showed me concern. Yes, i'm easily touched, i wish i can reciprocate but i can't. Not yet. While its nice to see people turn up at races to show support, it's the people who are there during rehabilitation and the unglamorous times (during injury) who really care.

Money has never been a problem for me, i guess i don't live a lavish lifestyle. I could finally pamper myself on a pair of Newtons and then Oakleys. It's only right for a gentleman to pay on a date, but only if she's a lady. It's shocking to see girls expecting to be impressed and have the extravagant dinner date and shopping paid for (even on the first date). I've been 'poor' before, and when i see a girl who's willing to stand by a guy during the bad times, she deserves nothing but all that i've got. But i need a new pair of running shoes.. better break into them before my upcoming races!

I'm not going to give favours away as easily as i used to. Sometimes i feel like people just wanna make use of your connections - to know your good-looking or famous friends. That's bloody shallow. But i guess it's normal when it's called 'networking'. Yeah, lose weight, gain friends.. but are those 'real' friends? Anybody can be part of the crowd, cheering you when you're a champion, but true friends are the ones beside you when you're limping to the finish line at last place.

By being selfish, i hope i'll be selfless when it comes to love. Being nice to just about everyone is wrong; the girlfriend needs to feel exclusive. I can't decide if i love running or swimming more, but she must definitely feel like i love nobody else more.

i heff all i need..

I need to be more careful now. I've already risked my knee, can't afford to break another part of my body... the heart. :)

Down

My worst run, tonight. Depressed. Didn't finish the run. Busted the knee.
F*ck.

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Updated on 22/07/2010:

Physically alot better. I can't keep my right knee bent for more than a minute before it starts to hurt. Manual driving was a real bloody torture. Sigh.

Ok, it's not so bad. I'll be physically better. Water-exercises later will help sooth the pain. I'm still really sore (no pun intended) about not being able to finish the run. The feeling of quitting is alot worst than losing. I almost finished, i had 2km more and i gave up. I f*cking quit.

Been telling myself it's only a run, don't risk permanent (or isit already?) injury, there's more chances to run, etc etc...but it's like consoling myself. So how am i supposed to do to get better if i don't break this barrier?

I'm planning to do a OD tri on 3 Oct before the 42 in Dec. I need to push myself to another level or it's just gonna be the same results again, again..again.

Feeling like crap. I can't even imagine feeling worst than this.. perhaps after my first OD tri in 2009? Talk about that..CRAP...dammit, angryy... !#%^*

ROAR!!!!!

One or Two

I'm (kinda) glad nothing happened last night. Was so tired from work, i totally collapsed. Bad news is i didn't run and i ordered Mac's. At least i got enough rest and i didn't put the 'real' bad stuff into the system.

And because i had sufficient rest last night, i should be good to do a long run AND a swim. While i was packing the gear this morning i was thinking about the days when i did all three. I ran in the morning, swam in the afternoon and biked in the evening. It's not easy (totally crash on the bed after a day like that) but the feeling you get from accomplishing a full day of exercise is very rewarding.

I miss that.

I don't even know if i can attempt to do a swim or run later. It's almost time to knock off work; I plan to do the 15km run in the afternoon (since the sun is not out yet) and maybe hit the pool in the afternoon. Really hope to get abit of sun while i'm at it.

I looked back at my old photos and i want to go back to be like how it was...

except that i'm moving forward with this.

Paint me my ending...

Yes, i'm listening to emo songs. So sad. Well, perhaps it's the fact that i haven't touched cholrine water in 3 weeks. I know what's gonna happen when i hit the pool later...my lungs will feel like they shrank by 74%

I'm gonna feel like i'm completely made of lead. Probably sink right to the bottom. Darn. How could this be? I used to love swimming; not just it's a break from running, but i really enjoy stroking, toning the arms and legs and expanding my lungs. Oh man, what am i gonna do now..

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UPDATED (16/07/2010): So nice to finally touch water again. Yes, as expected, my arms couldn't pull as efficiently as they should and my shoulders + back are aching from the 30 laps of (mostly) pulling and kicking.

I'm apprehensive about tonight. No, not about doing the (15k) run later, but what's gonna happen after that. I got a feeling that i won't get enough rest, then i'll turn up to work tomorrow like a zombie and won't be able to get my afternoon swim done. Needlessly to say, there goes another precious opportunity to get some sun.

I'm really disgusted with my paleness.

'Ooo..me so sexay'

Damn, if i get any whiter, i'm going to glisten under sunlight ala Edward Cullen. FML.

Inspired

When training gets mundane, it's time to get yourself motivated again. But for some, it's more than being motivated, it's finding inspiration...



And it's more than just training; it's about life and how we are going to live what's left of it. For me, i'm taking it every kilometre at a time for as long as these knees will let me.

And now... for something new

I'm going to stop, really. There's no more excuse not to. My knee's recovered considerably, my fitness is back, i'm ready to go longer, faster and be fitter.

It's time i draw a proper plan and stick to it best i can. 4 runs, 3 swims a week. No meals after 10pm, no fried food, more fruits and fibre.

And while training for Dec's 42, i guess my IPPT before October will help me gauge my progress. Time to cash in on that four hundred.

I'm praying that from now til then, i stay injury-free and my schedule continues to allow my training. Feeling really good about all of it, i see everything falling into place and i'm really happy. Thank God.

I had this funny dream... that i was running the marathon with her. It's her first marathon and she's nervous, but i assured her that i'll run it with her all the way. And we did...round the bend, what a relief to see the finish sign.

The crowds on both sides are cheering us down the final 200 metres. And though she's tired, i can see her smile from accomplishing a gruelling 42km. Kinda reminded me of the feeling i had when i completed my first 42.

She's holding my hand now, looking straight at the finish and soaking up the cheers. I hold her hand and we jog slowly towards the final stretch. She is amazing; i can feel her pulling me along now, the pain a couple of hours ago seem to disappear as she's really enjoying her achievement.

Just a couple of steps away, i grip her hand tightly and i pull her back. She turns and i see that smile facing me now. I can't believe how beautiful she looks, even after running a friggin' marathon. Her smile fades and confusion sets in.

"What, why are we stopping in.."

I made sure she's looking at me. I looked straight into her eyes and suddenly the cheers become muted. The other runners running past us become shadows, a blur... as i see her face radiate with charm.

Perhaps it's my problematic knee acting up after five hours of running... i get down on one knee..

"I don't want to finish this race without you... I want to run the rest of my life's race with you; i'll be running behind you, cheering you on when you are tired. I'll be running ahead of you to help guide you, and i'll walk through every painful moment with you, your hand in mine."

I can see her eyes widening and i think i see a crowd staring at us. I think it's kinda moist, but i take out a silver band from behind me. (i think, 'thank goodness i didn't get an abrasion from carrying this')

"I want to cross, not just this finish line...but my life's finish line with you... will you let me?"

...Will you marry me?

The painful climb

It's been two weeks since i'm back and as expected, it's the painful climb to get back my fitness. I've only been running and it's really painful both mentally and physically. My lungs are like the size of my fists; i run out of breath after 15 minutes of running. I miss going 2hours non-stop.

I haven't even hit the pool yet and i already feel like i'm becoming translucent. I miss the healthy tan but i'm really lazy to swim and late nights have not helped either. At least i feel like the alcohol and bad stuff is coming out of the system. During my first few runs last week, i can almost imagine me sweating out beer. Slowly but surely, i'll feel clean and pure. (damn sounds like i got STD)

I believe the European diet is alot healthier. Though we have several courses per meal, the food there is never (or very seldom) fried. There's no chili like what we have in Asia, so there's no greasy/oily chili sauce. The only thing about the European diet is that it can get salty and is carbo-heavy. Well, the latter is good for the long endurance training right?

In terms of training motivation, i'm glad that i'm finding some renewed peace and joy. I know i used to channel all the anger and emo-ness into my runs and that really worked. But as all that negativity melts away, i find myself running with pure motivation to get stronger/faster. I take inspiration from the great Chrissie Wellington; she's such a joy (literally) to watch.

My life's not altogether perfect at the moment and there are still a few question-marks, but i'm focused on what i need to do and prepare for future races. I'm starting to find time to meet up with friends and family too, so what more can i ask for? I'm sorry if my training made you feel like you were not important. Hey, i promise that's all different now. I'm just a SMS away, let's meet up!

July

Half of 2010 has gone by. It's time to make the other half better! With only the December's marathon to train for, i will be missing the triathlon. However, i promise to sign up for next year's edition and my second Ironman triathlon. Perhaps, i will look forward to finally doing an overseas race!

On another note, i am experiencing technical difficulties. Many of my social networking sites are down/deactivated. And that is a blessing in disguise. It's good to keep things simple and spend more time with you - the people who really matter.

No more pretentious pictures, comments, tweets and 'likes'. If you need me, you've got my email at least. If you want to, you've got my handphone number and i'm just a SMS away.

I'd rather talk to you and meet up over a good meal/drinks. That's how serious i want to be with you!

If not, i'll keep myself busy with what else...training!