Lost the Plot

I feel so disgusted with myself. 4 months...4 friggin' months and look what i've become...

August 2011

December 2011

Screw the Chinese New Year goodies. I'm going hard and i'm going fast. Dammit.

I am a Runner

It's been a whirlwind end to 2011. The last couple of months had its ups and downs; coming out of it, i'm just glad there's abit more sanity to everything. But through it all, i (once again) lost sight of who i was and all the grand plans i had...

I gave up running the 42. I got distracted and stop training to pursue other interests and in the office, work just kept piling up. I was happy for awhile, then it got bad, then it got confusing...then it just got plain messy.

Fast forward to 2012, when i counted down to 11 weeks to the Ironman, i panicked abit. Then i did a slow 10km run...and panicked abit more. I did a 2k swim and totally flipped. Almost 2 months of snacking uncontrollably and zero training have resulted in me becoming a slug. I took a photo of my body and was totally disgusted.

<3

<3

err..yeah you get the picture

After a couple more runs, i'm mentally preparing myself to make the best of the remaining 10 weeks and i'm not expecting anything out of the race but to have fun and cross the line safe. And through the final training phase, i hope to discipline myself as it's getting harder to juggle work with training and alot on the personal side as well.

But i'm now optimistic, because when i started getting confused, impatient and self-righteous, i lost sight of myself doing what i enjoy and just being happy.

When i started running again, i found that little part of me. When i know who i really am, it became obvious what i want. When it was obvious what i want, i naturally knew how to get there. 

And even though whatever the decision and path i choose, it's not going to be a bed or roses and someone's bound to get hurt (including myself)... but isn't that what training is about too? It's not going to be easy, sacrifices gotta be made and when you finally cross that finish line, you'll know that it was all worth it.

I feel sanctified, i feel re-energized, i feel like i'm starting anew. I'm going to give this another shot, and this time, i'm not losing sight of who i am.

Argh

Didn't do the stanchart marathon and am still having withdrawals. It's irritaing to see people post their marathon experience on Facebook. Yes, i admit i'm a sore loser that way...so i deactivated my FB account. Ha!

Yeah yeah..childish. So what. It's my account and i wanna take a break from all the drama there.

Oh well, it's been a really horrible month with work sapping alot of energy and time. I've barely clocked any mileage and my belly is spilling over my belt.

Less than 4 months to the Ironman!

Giving 2011 A Miss

I will not be running the 42km this year after all. Decided a week ago to give this year's edition a miss. If anyone is interested to have a free slot, please let me know. I will be uncontactable next weekend. Time to look forward to the next big race, Ironman 70.3 in March.

Panic Attacks

I panic when i think about how it's effectively 6 weeks to 42km. I have been training but not for an endurance run. Instead, i've been clocking a fair bit of time on the bike, treadmill and strength/conditioning at the gym. I've only been covering 16km runs at least once a week. That's nowhere near the 21km-30kms i used to do the past couple of years. But then again, will the training on the bike and gym help? I'm not too sure. I doubt so. My breathing cycles have gone all haywired, i've been breathing for a 2hr run max. If i were to go for 5hours (or more) i definitely can't keep pace. Damn. Guess i really have to relook the training schedule for the next 6 weeks and salvage as much as i can! Oh and yes, i still haven't cleared my FRIGGIN' IPPT!!! ARGH!

Still shaky

My time's really divided on work and training. Sucks then when i'm done, nobody else is free or it's too late. But it's something i said i would do and i'm sticking to it. Also sticking to my decision made last week and so far so good. Doesn't feel entirely OK, and i don't expect everything to be a bed of roses, but at least there's a clear direction and i'm moving towards that. Definitely not worth my emotions and energy thinking too much about everything, but just keep my focus on the things that do! And for now, it's my last chance to pass my IPPT next week so i can focus on endurance training for the marathon and ironman!

Day 1