Fat, Fatter, Fattest

I put on weight. 3kilos to be exact. I've stepped up training and been increasing my distances steadily.

Longer runs and swims mean that my appetite is insatiable and i've been eating everything and anything. It's weird.


I'm actually running more but i'm getting fatter. I know that i haven't been watching my diet; i've been eating whatever i can get my hands on. Like by the time i finish my 2 hour runs, i'm only left with ordering Macs. Either that or instant noodles. And i eat ALOT, to satisfy my hunger.

My tummy is back.

So my body is burning more fuel but i've been putting in crap to (over)replace the burnt storage. No wonder i've put on weight. (note: my exercises are all cardio, no weights, whatsoever) Think i really need to buck up on the diet part, especially when i'm training harder than before.

I keep telling myself this too, but i really gotta start cutting down on the late nights and the vices that come with it...

... but i've just gotten to know Mister Mac.

Kiss & Tell...

I'm not one to kiss & tell. So...i'm not telling. Moving right along, that was one helluva weekend. I know i said i wouldn't do alot of things; but i did. And many things i didn't know i can do; i did.

I still got three 15km runs to complete by this week and i plan to do one after work today. My knee is the last thing i'm actually worried about. My lungs and my liver/stomach..i hope they hold up tonight man. Yikes..

What a weekend...




... how about it...one more time?

Very Careful Now

I'm being very careful. If it means i'm getting smarter, then it's a good thing i've become more selfish and not be so open to just about giving attention, money, favours and most of all, my love, so easily.

Going to focus that attention and not risk further injury. I'm really grateful to those who have showed me concern. Yes, i'm easily touched, i wish i can reciprocate but i can't. Not yet. While its nice to see people turn up at races to show support, it's the people who are there during rehabilitation and the unglamorous times (during injury) who really care.

Money has never been a problem for me, i guess i don't live a lavish lifestyle. I could finally pamper myself on a pair of Newtons and then Oakleys. It's only right for a gentleman to pay on a date, but only if she's a lady. It's shocking to see girls expecting to be impressed and have the extravagant dinner date and shopping paid for (even on the first date). I've been 'poor' before, and when i see a girl who's willing to stand by a guy during the bad times, she deserves nothing but all that i've got. But i need a new pair of running shoes.. better break into them before my upcoming races!

I'm not going to give favours away as easily as i used to. Sometimes i feel like people just wanna make use of your connections - to know your good-looking or famous friends. That's bloody shallow. But i guess it's normal when it's called 'networking'. Yeah, lose weight, gain friends.. but are those 'real' friends? Anybody can be part of the crowd, cheering you when you're a champion, but true friends are the ones beside you when you're limping to the finish line at last place.

By being selfish, i hope i'll be selfless when it comes to love. Being nice to just about everyone is wrong; the girlfriend needs to feel exclusive. I can't decide if i love running or swimming more, but she must definitely feel like i love nobody else more.

i heff all i need..

I need to be more careful now. I've already risked my knee, can't afford to break another part of my body... the heart. :)

Down

My worst run, tonight. Depressed. Didn't finish the run. Busted the knee.
F*ck.

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Updated on 22/07/2010:

Physically alot better. I can't keep my right knee bent for more than a minute before it starts to hurt. Manual driving was a real bloody torture. Sigh.

Ok, it's not so bad. I'll be physically better. Water-exercises later will help sooth the pain. I'm still really sore (no pun intended) about not being able to finish the run. The feeling of quitting is alot worst than losing. I almost finished, i had 2km more and i gave up. I f*cking quit.

Been telling myself it's only a run, don't risk permanent (or isit already?) injury, there's more chances to run, etc etc...but it's like consoling myself. So how am i supposed to do to get better if i don't break this barrier?

I'm planning to do a OD tri on 3 Oct before the 42 in Dec. I need to push myself to another level or it's just gonna be the same results again, again..again.

Feeling like crap. I can't even imagine feeling worst than this.. perhaps after my first OD tri in 2009? Talk about that..CRAP...dammit, angryy... !#%^*

ROAR!!!!!

One or Two

I'm (kinda) glad nothing happened last night. Was so tired from work, i totally collapsed. Bad news is i didn't run and i ordered Mac's. At least i got enough rest and i didn't put the 'real' bad stuff into the system.

And because i had sufficient rest last night, i should be good to do a long run AND a swim. While i was packing the gear this morning i was thinking about the days when i did all three. I ran in the morning, swam in the afternoon and biked in the evening. It's not easy (totally crash on the bed after a day like that) but the feeling you get from accomplishing a full day of exercise is very rewarding.

I miss that.

I don't even know if i can attempt to do a swim or run later. It's almost time to knock off work; I plan to do the 15km run in the afternoon (since the sun is not out yet) and maybe hit the pool in the afternoon. Really hope to get abit of sun while i'm at it.

I looked back at my old photos and i want to go back to be like how it was...

except that i'm moving forward with this.

Paint me my ending...

Yes, i'm listening to emo songs. So sad. Well, perhaps it's the fact that i haven't touched cholrine water in 3 weeks. I know what's gonna happen when i hit the pool later...my lungs will feel like they shrank by 74%

I'm gonna feel like i'm completely made of lead. Probably sink right to the bottom. Darn. How could this be? I used to love swimming; not just it's a break from running, but i really enjoy stroking, toning the arms and legs and expanding my lungs. Oh man, what am i gonna do now..

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UPDATED (16/07/2010): So nice to finally touch water again. Yes, as expected, my arms couldn't pull as efficiently as they should and my shoulders + back are aching from the 30 laps of (mostly) pulling and kicking.

I'm apprehensive about tonight. No, not about doing the (15k) run later, but what's gonna happen after that. I got a feeling that i won't get enough rest, then i'll turn up to work tomorrow like a zombie and won't be able to get my afternoon swim done. Needlessly to say, there goes another precious opportunity to get some sun.

I'm really disgusted with my paleness.

'Ooo..me so sexay'

Damn, if i get any whiter, i'm going to glisten under sunlight ala Edward Cullen. FML.

Inspired

When training gets mundane, it's time to get yourself motivated again. But for some, it's more than being motivated, it's finding inspiration...



And it's more than just training; it's about life and how we are going to live what's left of it. For me, i'm taking it every kilometre at a time for as long as these knees will let me.