My thoughts exactly..

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm?
To feel my spirit calm?

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say - you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper...
I think I better leave right now

It's happening again

As i'm lamenting on how 'aimless' i have been, my prayers always get answered. Registration for the the Aviva Ironman Triathlon and Stan Chart Singapore Marathon are open.

Talk about the two most painful races i have done so far. I've done two full marathons and i'm still nervous about hitting the 30km mark, Maybe third time will be a charm, but the pain...oh boy.. the pain.

The Ironman Triathlon is no better. I still get the heebe-jeebies when i drive past ECP.. i will never forget cycling out of the Fort Road exit and climbing that hell of a slope pass MBS. That was the only time during a race i really wanted to cry. Yeah. Weep like a baby. When my car climbs that slope, i swear my legs twitch a little.

Wow. This post really helped to jog (no pun intended) the memory.

I think i should sign up for both, yes? Singapore Marathon 2010, Ironman Triathlon 2011.


Here we go again!

Where did it all go?

There was a time when all i did was come back from work and train for my races. It was a simple, fulfilling time.

I can't run away from reality anymore. I have to face experiences in life that sometimes are beyond my control.

Maybe this time, i will run towards it. I pray that the Lord will continue to give me the strength i need, to fill my very being with the wisdom and love i need; not for myself but for the people i can and cannot care for.

Running isn't so simple now that i'm running in a different direction.

It's all coming back

Did anyone tell you that re-training is a bee.eye.tee.see.heych.?

One month after my last race, i slacked and ate couple of quarter pounders. I certainly put on more than a half a pound in weight lor. I'm getting back on the training program and my fitness has dropped drastically. It feels like a rubber band around my lungs when i run and i'm out of breath after 15 minutes. It's demoralising when your belly jiggles too. And i don't know what's worst, having to wear a sports bra for your bouncing man boobs or the fact that you've got man boobs.

I'm not going to end up like that again!

I'm going to run, swim and do crunches until i get abs. Either that, or i'll look like an African kid. Either way, i don't want to be a fattie.

But i gave it all away

I’m not alone when I say that not running has made me super grumpy, lethargic and emo. It has been like that for some time now and as always, I’ve been very good at hiding my real emotions/feelings in person but even that is in jeopardy. I might not be able to act all nice in front of you soon.

It’s all the bad juices have been storing up inside and if I don’t run or swim it out, it’ll just collect up and it will implode eventually. By then, it’ll be too late as I would have already hurt someone I didn’t intend to.

It’s funny when people ask me about my ‘retirement’. I guess I don’t want to. I feel aimless and although work has been busy and productive, I don’t feel the rush. Not like when I’m preparing for a race.

I’m not retired. But I don’t have anything to train for at the moment. Nothing to keep my mind distracted from the thoughts I’m having now; and I don’t want to decide if these thoughts are right or wrong.

Some people wait a lifetime for a chance like this
I’ve waited enough
Baby, no I won’t let you go
I’m sick of tears and bitter fears

It's a Secret

I haven't been running. Been rather distracted lately and sometime i do miss the simplicity in just working and training. I always joke about how training is the real distraction; my way of running (quite literally) away from growing up - planning my career, developing relationships and becoming wiser in all aspects. It doesn't seem like a laughing matter now.

When i took a long break, i'm left with facing them now. I miss training, but i have to face some of these emotions, alone. Maybe when i run tonight, i'll think about why i'm feeling this way and before the end of it, i would have convinced myself to do the right thing.

But what is the right thing?

A pound of flesh

Oh no, it's back.

Having stayed away from the cheeseburger for the past couple of months, Mac's is back..with a vengence. I've been eating well for the past 1.5 weeks, but the Quarter Pounder is back.

And it doesn't look good. I think i'm going to be very tempted to order one after my run later tonight.

I mean, now i'm not really training for any specific race, i can take it easy right?

..like why. so. serious?