Update!

Haven't updated this in like 4 months. Wow, felt longer.

Work has been occupying much of my time and i'm unable to get the training time i used to, but guess i'll have to make do.

Next race - the annual standard chartered singapore marathon! Always said that a marathon is the most mentally exhausting race - 6 hours of running, running and running can be challenging, but will be doing it for a good cause this year!

Will be racing the 42km in a bid to raise money for Operation Smile. More info here,

http://runforgood.giveasia.org/movement/42km_for_a_smile 

This trickled down to all my trainings - knowing that it's more than just self-gratification and i'm not doing it to prove anything to myself.

I'm really hoping to raise as much money as possible and i'm hoping the money will be put to good use to create for smiles!

NAKED

ARE YOU READING THIS?!

Currently Unemployed

First day of unemployment and the start of full-on-training. It was an incredibly painful 9km this morning...labouring to even get my breathing rhythm as early as 1km into the run. And my calves are hurting real bad.

Well, time to labour on and hit the pool for a slow 1.5km. And maybe perhaps the gym in the evening for some core.

Day one...so far so good!

A Race I'll Never Forget

I didn't complete last week's Ironman triathlon, and it was the first race i was unable to finish. Lots of mixed emotions and i've stopped entertaining the what ifs. In short and without any excuses, i let my training down due to carelessness. Thankfully, no permanent injuries.

In fact, i've had a good week of rest and recovery. It's time to train for my next sprint race in May. Good lead-up to OSIM in the second half of the year and i feel i need more races to be better prepared for the big ones.

I sure could use some distraction too. Looking forward to a new phase in life come April/May. Change is good, let's you know that you're moving on and not staying stagnant.

My Sweet Escape

Whenever i'm going through a tough time, i punish myself... by signing up for another race.

In September, when i wanted to forget someone, i signed up for the Ironman triathlon. Today, i signed up for May's metasprint triathlon.

Here comes the pain.

Almost there...

It's finally here. Just 5 more days to the big race. Mental note: Go easy, no rush, survive. I've done all the training i can and now it's all about resting well, carbo loading for what's going to be 7 hours of going on and on and on and on...

The biggest dread i have is the mental part. It's perfectly normal to feel fatigue, but the dreariness of having to continue will be the biggest challenge i foresee in this race.

But thankfully, then again, i might have enough "issues" to keep my mind occupied. The two biggest concerns, work and girl issues (again?!) are undergoing major changes.. and there's lots to reflect on and keep my mind and emotions away from the monotony.

So exciting.

Perspective

It's all about perspective and the past month has been a real eye-opener for me. Really blessed to have the right people or in this case, a particular friend who's been an important emotional and spiritual guide for me. It's one of those moments when you have the lids taken off your eyes and realise, "how couldn't i have not seen that all along?" 

In short, life's getting so much better and i'm so sure it can only keep going up.

In normal circumstances, i would be complaining about my lack of preparation for the big race in 2 weeks' time. But it's all about perspective and i'll keep doing what i should do and enjoy the journey. Even if i don't do it, there's going to be more oppotunities for me to race in other events. 

At this moment, i'm only clocking 28km runs, 40km bike sessions and 2km swims with a couple of weight sessions in between. Very very far off from being race-reader for a 70.2 ironman race if you ask me. 

Still enjoying the occasional tanning session at the pool. After a goo 2km swim of course.

But yes, it's all a matter of perspective and being emotionally and mentally stronger has helped so much. In racing or training, i've put aside motivation that spurs me to compete with others. There's no point putting myself against other racers, most of who i know are semi-pro and champions.. the only person i'm competing against is myself. And that cannot be any more true. It's that small voice that tells you, it's ok...you can stop. It's that voice of reason, that wisdom of self-preservation, that lazy part of you. It's evil.

And there's power in the spoken word. It may make you look mad, but hey, i tell myself audibly that i won't stop until i am done. i ran today, or i didn't..there's no tomorrow. Just. keep. moving. go. go. go.

Thank God for it all. In everything, He's the first and the last. In pursuing a new (old) career, in relationships, in all my success. Always seeking and putting Him before all else makes everything fall perfectly into place and it has given me the ability to love others better, become a better me.

There's no complains. It's gotten and will continue to get better. Looking forward to the big race in 2 weeks' time!

Lost the Plot

I feel so disgusted with myself. 4 months...4 friggin' months and look what i've become...

August 2011

December 2011

Screw the Chinese New Year goodies. I'm going hard and i'm going fast. Dammit.

I am a Runner

It's been a whirlwind end to 2011. The last couple of months had its ups and downs; coming out of it, i'm just glad there's abit more sanity to everything. But through it all, i (once again) lost sight of who i was and all the grand plans i had...

I gave up running the 42. I got distracted and stop training to pursue other interests and in the office, work just kept piling up. I was happy for awhile, then it got bad, then it got confusing...then it just got plain messy.

Fast forward to 2012, when i counted down to 11 weeks to the Ironman, i panicked abit. Then i did a slow 10km run...and panicked abit more. I did a 2k swim and totally flipped. Almost 2 months of snacking uncontrollably and zero training have resulted in me becoming a slug. I took a photo of my body and was totally disgusted.

<3

<3

err..yeah you get the picture

After a couple more runs, i'm mentally preparing myself to make the best of the remaining 10 weeks and i'm not expecting anything out of the race but to have fun and cross the line safe. And through the final training phase, i hope to discipline myself as it's getting harder to juggle work with training and alot on the personal side as well.

But i'm now optimistic, because when i started getting confused, impatient and self-righteous, i lost sight of myself doing what i enjoy and just being happy.

When i started running again, i found that little part of me. When i know who i really am, it became obvious what i want. When it was obvious what i want, i naturally knew how to get there. 

And even though whatever the decision and path i choose, it's not going to be a bed or roses and someone's bound to get hurt (including myself)... but isn't that what training is about too? It's not going to be easy, sacrifices gotta be made and when you finally cross that finish line, you'll know that it was all worth it.

I feel sanctified, i feel re-energized, i feel like i'm starting anew. I'm going to give this another shot, and this time, i'm not losing sight of who i am.

Argh

Didn't do the stanchart marathon and am still having withdrawals. It's irritaing to see people post their marathon experience on Facebook. Yes, i admit i'm a sore loser that way...so i deactivated my FB account. Ha!

Yeah yeah..childish. So what. It's my account and i wanna take a break from all the drama there.

Oh well, it's been a really horrible month with work sapping alot of energy and time. I've barely clocked any mileage and my belly is spilling over my belt.

Less than 4 months to the Ironman!

Giving 2011 A Miss

I will not be running the 42km this year after all. Decided a week ago to give this year's edition a miss. If anyone is interested to have a free slot, please let me know. I will be uncontactable next weekend. Time to look forward to the next big race, Ironman 70.3 in March.

Panic Attacks

I panic when i think about how it's effectively 6 weeks to 42km. I have been training but not for an endurance run. Instead, i've been clocking a fair bit of time on the bike, treadmill and strength/conditioning at the gym. I've only been covering 16km runs at least once a week. That's nowhere near the 21km-30kms i used to do the past couple of years. But then again, will the training on the bike and gym help? I'm not too sure. I doubt so. My breathing cycles have gone all haywired, i've been breathing for a 2hr run max. If i were to go for 5hours (or more) i definitely can't keep pace. Damn. Guess i really have to relook the training schedule for the next 6 weeks and salvage as much as i can! Oh and yes, i still haven't cleared my FRIGGIN' IPPT!!! ARGH!

Still shaky

My time's really divided on work and training. Sucks then when i'm done, nobody else is free or it's too late. But it's something i said i would do and i'm sticking to it. Also sticking to my decision made last week and so far so good. Doesn't feel entirely OK, and i don't expect everything to be a bed of roses, but at least there's a clear direction and i'm moving towards that. Definitely not worth my emotions and energy thinking too much about everything, but just keep my focus on the things that do! And for now, it's my last chance to pass my IPPT next week so i can focus on endurance training for the marathon and ironman!

Day 1

Your Registration Has Been Confirmed

18 March 2012 will be the day to look forward to – Ironman 70.3 Singapore. I’ve been thinking about doing the half –Ironman again for quite some time now, having missed out on this year’s edition. But i’ve been yearning to get my focus. I’ve been distracted for far too long now and i miss the simple life of putting all my attention and focus on training. The process is painful in most ways, but one thing is for sure – the feeling at the end of the day/race is absolutely rewarding.

I’ve had good and bad races, but they all come with a reward. There’s always something to take away from each and every race.

Work has been a real drag and it’ll be a challenge to balance work and training for the next 6 months. But it can be done. I’m guessing that my social life will take the biggest hit. I will definitely miss the time hanging out with friends but it’s something i have lived with a couple of years ago, i can do it again.

Preparation for this year would be challenging for me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Physically, i’ve totally lost the game and i’m nowhere near my fittest during the 09/10 season. Mentally, i’m not confident having not clocked enough mileage during trainings and emotionally – oh boy.. there’s just been so much drama, i have to admit that this race is a big excuse to just escape from it all.

Time to start feeling good about my body again, time to feel prepared going into the race and time to cut away silly distractions that don’t do me any good in the end.

Things are really simple now – a 42km in Dec and an Ironman Tri in March. Guess that means that...Training. Starts. Now.

Gotta keep running

Life is so much simpler if i just keep running..

Don't have much time left to my 4th full marathon. I'm still clocking 14km during trainings and i've not broken the 30km mark since...last year's race. I've been distracted with a particular personal issue, but i pray that it'll get settled sooner rather than later. Because i don't want it to drag on any further.

But back to racing. I'm very much inclined to sign up for Ironman 70.3 again. I miss every single minute of it - the hours training, the sacrifice, the pain and pleasure during the race itself. And all this just made me miss the friends and a particular someone who was always at my races and supporting me in just about every possible way. I do miss her and sometimes i wonder if i'll ever find someone as supportive as she was to me. Can't help but think i could have been better to her.

Wish life was alot simpler, but i do acknowledge that it's all part of growing up and coming of age. Yes, only one thing is needful, to keep seeking Jesus Christ and all these things will be added onto me. I just pray that i find a way to rid myself of certain negativities. Is it possible to be happy 24/7?

If my body could, running non-stop would do the trick for me. Haha.. 

But for now, it just makes the most sense to distance myself from certain emotions, relationship traps and preserve my heart, mind and soul for just work and training/racing. So help me, Jesus.

Singapore Bay Run

9 years on, I participated in my second Army Half Marathon, or a sexier name would be the Singapore Bay Run. In 2002, when I could barely survive the mandatory IPPT 2.4km run, I needed to run the 21km to pass out from my SISPEC course. I remember running up Sheares Bridge with literally a whole platoon of sweaty smelly army boys. The only thing that kept me going was my hormones.

You know how girls like to wear sports bras to races? In 2002, with 19km left, all I could do was to fixate my eyes on this girl wearing a black sports bra and did my best to keep up with her. Yes, every single dirty thought a hormone-raging, sex-depraved army boy could think of was manifested in me running after a pony-tailed girl in a black sports bra. I think I finished the race in slightly over 3hours.

This time, it was a girl in a white sports bra.

Before I get to that, I must say that doing 21km under 2hours has been my best result so far. And it can only be a miracle from God, because I almost didn’t make it to the race. Was chilling with friends the night before, and only had 2 hours to sleep before trudging down to the start line at for flag off at 5.15am.

I wasn’t sure if I could survive, much less complete the race.

Somehow my body felt good and despite my head telling my body that I’m going to fast at the early 5km mark, my body just kept going. Maybe it was still sleeping.

But I did feel abit of burnout in my lungs at about the 7km mark and the fact that I couldn’t shake the crowd, make it uncomfortable to breathe or pace properly having to keep overtaking. That’s when I thought I would just pace someone.

Someone wearing a white sports bra. To whomever you are reading this, thank you.
Pacing you for a good distance after the 10km mark definitely helped to get me past the first wall. And it was smooth sailing all the way to the finish line. Overall, it was one of the best races I’ve felt in a long time. Thank God. Best part was, I had enough energy to walk to town, take a cab back, have breakfast (yeah, I didn’t even eat for the race) and then go to church. Awesome awesome stuff.

Phew. I wouldn’t recommend what I did for anyone out there going for their next race, but hey. Jesus Christ saved the day, even for perverted runners like me who pace sports bras.

I hope there will be more sports bras in Dec for my next race, 42km!

Oh no.

21km this saturday but i'm nowhere near race ready. I'm still recovering from a bout of flu, fever cough. I barely did 4km today when my body decided to shut down.

It's bad. But at least i know i've got the drama out of my system - I can't handle all the girl drama so i'm doing what i do best, walking away. Sad thing is alot of friendships at stake is going out of the window. I guess i can handle that.

Got too much to handle at work and time to prepare for Dec's 42km.

Goodbye drama, hello focus.

Choices

My time is running out and i have to make a decision hard and fast. Usually a good run would help clear my mind and set my heart at peace.

This time, i don't even have the mood to run. I changed into my kit and just sat there - i couldnt even lift myself off the chair to lace up.

I'm not depressed, i'm not sad. It's a happy problem you could say - but i'm just afraid of making promises i cannot keep. Saying things that i have to take back.

Maybe not so bad la. But my focus has clearly been off. 21km less than 2 weeks' away, i need to get my focus back where it should - juggling between gym and distance running.

Always.