My Race

Lost the Plot

2012-01-11T22:09:00.002+08:00

I feel so disgusted with myself. 4 months...4 friggin' months and look what i've become...

August 2011

December 2011

Screw the Chinese New Year goodies. I'm going hard and i'm going fast. Dammit.

I am a Runner

2012-01-09T22:11:00.001+08:00

It's been a whirlwind end to 2011. The last couple of months had its ups and downs; coming out of it, i'm just glad there's abit more sanity to everything. But through it all, i (once again) lost sight of who i was and all the grand plans i had...

I gave up running the 42. I got distracted and stop training to pursue other interests and in the office, work just kept piling up. I was happy for awhile, then it got bad, then it got confusing...then it just got plain messy.

Fast forward to 2012, when i counted down to 11 weeks to the Ironman, i panicked abit. Then i did a slow 10km run...and panicked abit more. I did a 2k swim and totally flipped. Almost 2 months of snacking uncontrollably and zero training have resulted in me becoming a slug. I took a photo of my body and was totally disgusted.

err..yeah you get the picture

After a couple more runs, i'm mentally preparing myself to make the best of the remaining 10 weeks and i'm not expecting anything out of the race but to have fun and cross the line safe. And through the final training phase, i hope to discipline myself as it's getting harder to juggle work with training and alot on the personal side as well.

But i'm now optimistic, because when i started getting confused, impatient and self-righteous, i lost sight of myself doing what i enjoy and just being happy.

When i started running again, i found that little part of me. When i know who i really am, it became obvious what i want. When it was obvious what i want, i naturally knew how to get there.

And even though whatever the decision and path i choose, it's not going to be a bed or roses and someone's bound to get hurt (including myself)... but isn't that what training is about too? It's not going to be easy, sacrifices gotta be made and when you finally cross that finish line, you'll know that it was all worth it.

I feel sanctified, i feel re-energized, i feel like i'm starting anew. I'm going to give this another shot, and this time, i'm not losing sight of who i am.

Argh

2011-12-12T15:38:00.001+08:00

Didn't do the stanchart marathon and am still having withdrawals. It's irritaing to see people post their marathon experience on Facebook. Yes, i admit i'm a sore loser that way...so i deactivated my FB account. Ha!

Yeah yeah..childish. So what. It's my account and i wanna take a break from all the drama there.

Oh well, it's been a really horrible month with work sapping alot of energy and time. I've barely clocked any mileage and my belly is spilling over my belt.

Less than 4 months to the Ironman!

Giving 2011 A Miss

2011-11-27T23:03:00.001+08:00

I will not be running the 42km this year after all.Decided a week ago to give this year's edition a miss. If anyone is interested to have a free slot, please let me know.I will be uncontactable next weekend. Time to look forward to the next big race, Ironman 70.3 in March.

Panic Attacks

2011-10-11T11:32:00.000+08:00

I panic when i think about how it's effectively 6 weeks to 42km. I have been training but not for an endurance run.Instead, i've been clocking a fair bit of time on the bike, treadmill and strength/conditioning at the gym. I've only been covering 16km runs at least once a week. That's nowhere near the 21km-30kms i used to do the past couple of years. But then again, will the training on the bike and gym help? I'm not too sure. I doubt so. My breathing cycles have gone all haywired, i've been breathing for a 2hr run max. If i were to go for 5hours (or more) i definitely can't keep pace.Damn. Guess i really have to relook the training schedule for the next 6 weeks and salvage as much as i can!Oh and yes, i still haven't cleared my FRIGGIN' IPPT!!! ARGH!

Still shaky

2011-10-08T19:33:00.001+08:00

My time's really divided on work and training. Sucks then when i'm done, nobody else is free or it's too late. But it's something i said i would do and i'm sticking to it.Also sticking to my decision made last week and so far so good. Doesn't feel entirely OK, and i don't expect everything to be a bed of roses, but at least there's a clear direction and i'm moving towards that.Definitely not worth my emotions and energy thinking too much about everything, but just keep my focus on the things that do!And for now, it's my last chance to pass my IPPT next week so i can focus on endurance training for the marathon and ironman!

Day 1

2011-10-02T19:55:00.001+08:00

Your Registration Has Been Confirmed

2011-09-21T14:57:00.001+08:00

18 March 2012 will be the day to look forward to – Ironman 70.3 Singapore. I’ve been thinking about doing the half –Ironman again for quite some time now, having missed out on this year’s edition. But i’ve been yearning to get my focus. I’ve been distracted for far too long now and i miss the simple life of putting all my attention and focus on training. The process is painful in most ways, but one thing is for sure – the feeling at the end of the day/race is absolutely rewarding.

I’ve had good and bad races, but they all come with a reward. There’s always something to take away from each and every race.

Work has been a real drag and it’ll be a challenge to balance work and training for the next 6 months. But it can be done. I’m guessing that my social life will take the biggest hit. I will definitely miss the time hanging out with friends but it’s something i have lived with a couple of years ago, i can do it again.

Preparation for this year would be challenging for me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Physically, i’ve totally lost the game and i’m nowhere near my fittest during the 09/10 season. Mentally, i’m not confident having not clocked enough mileage during trainings and emotionally – oh boy.. there’s just been so much drama, i have to admit that this race is a big excuse to just escape from it all.

Time to start feeling good about my body again, time to feel prepared going into the race and time to cut away silly distractions that don’t do me any good in the end.

Things are really simple now – a 42km in Dec and an Ironman Tri in March. Guess that means that...Training. Starts. Now.

Gotta keep running

2011-09-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

Life is so much simpler if i just keep running..

Don't have much time left to my 4th full marathon. I'm still clocking 14km during trainings and i've not broken the 30km mark since...last year's race. I've been distracted with a particular personal issue, but i pray that it'll get settled sooner rather than later. Because i don't want it to drag on any further.

But back to racing. I'm very much inclined to sign up for Ironman 70.3 again. I miss every single minute of it - the hours training, the sacrifice, the pain and pleasure during the race itself. And all this just made me miss the friends and a particular someone who was always at my races and supporting me in just about every possible way. I do miss her and sometimes i wonder if i'll ever find someone as supportive as she was to me. Can't help but think i could have been better to her.

Wish life was alot simpler, but i do acknowledge that it's all part of growing up and coming of age. Yes, only one thing is needful, to keep seeking Jesus Christ and all these things will be added onto me. I just pray that i find a way to rid myself of certain negativities. Is it possible to be happy 24/7?

If my body could, running non-stop would do the trick for me. Haha..

But for now, it just makes the most sense to distance myself from certain emotions, relationship traps and preserve my heart, mind and soul for just work and training/racing. So help me, Jesus.

Singapore Bay Run

2011-09-13T17:02:00.000+08:00

9 years on, I participated in my second Army Half Marathon, or a sexier name would be the Singapore Bay Run. In 2002, when I could barely survive the mandatory IPPT 2.4km run, I needed to run the 21km to pass out from my SISPEC course. I remember running up Sheares Bridge with literally a whole platoon of sweaty smelly army boys. The only thing that kept me going was my hormones.

You know how girls like to wear sports bras to races? In 2002, with 19km left, all I could do was to fixate my eyes on this girl wearing a black sports bra and did my best to keep up with her. Yes, every single dirty thought a hormone-raging, sex-depraved army boy could think of was manifested in me running after a pony-tailed girl in a black sports bra. I think I finished the race in slightly over 3hours.

This time, it was a girl in a white sports bra.

Before I get to that, I must say that doing 21km under 2hours has been my best result so far. And it can only be a miracle from God, because I almost didn’t make it to the race. Was chilling with friends the night before, and only had 2 hours to sleep before trudging down to the start line at for flag off at 5.15am.

I wasn’t sure if I could survive, much less complete the race.

Somehow my body felt good and despite my head telling my body that I’m going to fast at the early 5km mark, my body just kept going. Maybe it was still sleeping.

But I did feel abit of burnout in my lungs at about the 7km mark and the fact that I couldn’t shake the crowd, make it uncomfortable to breathe or pace properly having to keep overtaking. That’s when I thought I would just pace someone.

Someone wearing a white sports bra. To whomever you are reading this, thank you.
Pacing you for a good distance after the 10km mark definitely helped to get me past the first wall. And it was smooth sailing all the way to the finish line. Overall, it was one of the best races I’ve felt in a long time. Thank God. Best part was, I had enough energy to walk to town, take a cab back, have breakfast (yeah, I didn’t even eat for the race) and then go to church. Awesome awesome stuff.

Phew. I wouldn’t recommend what I did for anyone out there going for their next race, but hey. Jesus Christ saved the day, even for perverted runners like me who pace sports bras.

I hope there will be more sports bras in Dec for my next race, 42km!

Oh no.

2011-08-30T21:27:00.002+08:00

21km this saturday but i'm nowhere near race ready. I'm still recovering from a bout of flu, fever cough. I barely did 4km today when my body decided to shut down.

It's bad. But at least i know i've got the drama out of my system - I can't handle all the girl drama so i'm doing what i do best, walking away. Sad thing is alot of friendships at stake is going out of the window. I guess i can handle that.

Got too much to handle at work and time to prepare for Dec's 42km.

Goodbye drama, hello focus.

Choices

2011-08-23T00:21:00.004+08:00

My time is running out and i have to make a decision hard and fast. Usually a good run would help clear my mind and set my heart at peace.

This time, i don't even have the mood to run. I changed into my kit and just sat there - i couldnt even lift myself off the chair to lace up.

I'm not depressed, i'm not sad. It's a happy problem you could say - but i'm just afraid of making promises i cannot keep. Saying things that i have to take back.

Maybe not so bad la. But my focus has clearly been off. 21km less than 2 weeks' away, i need to get my focus back where it should - juggling between gym and distance running.

Always.

2011-08-11T10:57:00.000+08:00

OSIM 2011

2011-08-10T15:52:00.000+08:00

Time for my race update! In short, I not only failed to improve my timing, I clocked slower and dropped in rankings. Depressed? Nope.

Firstly, there are legit reasons I could use as an excuses to explain the drop in timing. This year’s waves were tough. I found my strokes and rhythm all over the place, bobbing up and down and tossed off course. I found my swim leg down by a whopping 3 minutes.

The bike leg was surprisingly painless. Although I did clock a time 2 minutes slower, compared to last year’s race, my legs still felt fresh after the 40km. Oh did I mention that I only found out it was a 4 lap bike leg at the very last minute before the horn went off? A friend I met (Thanks KK!) at the start line casually wished me all the best for the 4 laps on the bike – say what? 4?!

Then on the bike leg, I actually asked fellow cyclists if it was 4 or 6 laps. Some said 4, others said 6. In the end, based on plausible timing, I settled for 4. Pity those fellas who said 6 and actually did it. That’s extra 20km on the bike. Wa. Might as well go do Ironman. Suayamakalaosai.

Anyway, back to the race. By the time I racked my bike, my legs were surprisingly fresh. I glanced at my watch and I knew I needed to do a hell of a run to make back the time. At about the 2km point, I figured I couldn’t beat the clock at the risk of burning out of air too soon. So I decided to just screw it, take my time and enjoy the race. Since I can’t beat the clock, let’s make this a race to remember.

And remember I did.

Race lesson #356 – Never try a power gel for the first time at the race itself. Sublime Lime flavor my arse! Rar!

That lime-flavored gel gave me the runs. I getting the runs while I was running. I was seriously fighting the urge to go take a poop. I was farting uncontrollably midway during the race. But heck I was too tired to care about people giving me stares or pinching their nose at me in disgust.

I clearly remember trying to psycho myself saying, “you can’t sh*t…you can’t sh*t…cos got no toilet paper..cos got no toilet paper”.

Don’t laugh. It worked.

And other than the minor breaks in running rhythm to break wind, overall I’m glad I kept pace throughout the run and viola! I managed to cut my run time.

So all in all, I clocked 3 minutes slower than last year. As I said, I could blame it on the choppy waves and tummyache, but that should be acceptable in every race and I’m not kicking myself about it. I’m glad I kept a good pace throughout and that, more than anything else, has motivated me (not out of anger and disappointment) to race better, train harder.

Next up in 3 weeks… 21km!

Sick To The Max

2011-07-24T19:32:00.003+08:00

What rotten timing - Got sick the past week and a half... and with race day next week, i'm really gonna race on a miracle.

Only clocked 3 runs of a total of 32km, 1 swim of 2.5km this week. No bike. Best part is...even with a throat and nose full of phlegm, i'm still indulging in junk food and late nights...

I'm way beyond panic now - just gonna wing it next Sunday. Oh man oh man...

Panic Attack...

2011-07-17T21:43:00.004+08:00

I'm having a panic attack. It's effectively one more week to race day (taking taper period into consideration) and i haven't been on my bike since...last year's race.

Physically, i was prepared to wing it - longer runs and swims should improve my overall stamina. Yes, agreed - but when i was going through the race route in my mind, i realised i could be really rusty in handling my bike now. Especially the steep upward turn 50m in front of the Bike Out.

I've seen people crashing at that turn. I personally think it's the dumbest idea to have a sharp turn so close to the transition area and where earlier waves of bikers are coming in hard and fast from a long (overtaking) lap. Stupid.

But excuses aside, i should have, could have done more to train. Oh well.. as race day approaches, physical training always tapers down, while mental preparation ramps up.

Whether i've done enough, it's too late to debate that now. I'll just trust in whatever i've done and use whatever i've got to swim/bike/run an injury-free, fun and fulfilling race come Sunday after next.

So help me, God. :)

3 more weeks

2011-07-11T21:06:00.001+08:00

Not sure if there's anything much to do...with only 3 weeks left. Must keep my focus, be in good emotional and mental form.

I must not let anything distract me. Not now.

I may have gotten everything else wrong..

2011-06-28T23:00:00.003+08:00

.. but you will always be the only thing i got right. :)

It's not easy juggling my time, emotions and energy at work..with running/swimming for July 31. It's tough when i'm physically worn out, emotionally drained but mentally buzzing. I have selfishly pursued my own passion and dreams, i admit i don't have time to even give you attention - but you stand by me and support in ways, big and small.

Yes, sometimes i overlook them.. i don't notice until i stop in my tracks and look back at where i've been and where i'm going. But i'm not perfect. I'll do what i can,

But thank you. :)

Down in the Valley

2011-06-22T19:17:00.002+08:00

Feeling like it's the absolute pits. Was hoping to bring the training up to speed but since i crashed on Sunday, i haven't done anything. Anything but work.

I've been posted inhouse. So effectively, my time is split between client and agency. Effectively doing two jobs at two different locations. All that on top of new accounts. And as if that's not enough, alot of people have been missing for various (legit) reasons. It's absolutely insane. Actually it's manageable - except that it's taking up ALL my time.

Say what? Another event? pffffft..

I don't even want a break to train. I just wanna take a break to go on a holiday. Thinking of Bali? Or maybe that dive trip i've been wanting to take for years, finally be a certified diver. Woohoo!

But the OSIM triathlon coming up and the army half marathon beckons. How like that you tell me? I'm super pissed and frustrated.

And that distraction is back. Oh gosh.. it's going to be a test, cos when at my weakest, even the simplest of words can sound like sweet honey.

Gotta keep calm, stay strong, focused and persevere. If you're not going to help me, then stay away.

So what's next

2011-06-19T22:02:00.003+08:00

So it's been a fairly good 3 weeks.. did (mostly) what i set myself out to do. Was really tied down with work and i couldn't help but feel i neglected some time with my friends.

Work is going to take a huge change - Frankly, i didn't think i had a choice in it and given that the new post would start on Tuesday, i guess my bosses couldn't say 'no' to the client right? Well, since this 4 month stint is already in place, i guess i'll take it in my stride and make the best of this opportunity.

Thing is i've gotta make training work. I've got my sights set on OSIM triathlon in July, Army Half Marathon in Sept and of course the StanChart Marathon in Dec.

Speaking of which, 3 weeks and i find myself struggling with the normal 12km yesterday. Perhaps i was just tired out but i couldn't help to think that all the long runs did sh*t for me. Felt really demoralised, i overate this weekend and it certainly didn't make me feel better.

Sometimes, the news at work, the lows in training and the fact that i've given so much/sacrificed alot for all this with no returns just makes me feel so stupid and just wanna throw in the towel.

But i'm not weak. Maybe i won't see the results just yet. Or maybe i need to rethink what i'm doing wrong. Even if the work situation is proving to be a difficulty, there's always a way. I gotta keep my chin up and face it like a man...like the athlete that i set myself out to be, like the athlete i am.

Condemned..

2011-06-16T23:30:00.003+08:00

Thing about running long distance is your feet gets sweat-soaked for 3-4hours every run. Yeah, after couple of runs you live with the discomfort..but the i think it's come to a point when there's no saving my toes..

warning: the images below may be disturbing to some. viewer discretion is advised.

Ok, looking at these photos...i'm kinda grossed out by my own feet. Yucks.

2 down, 1 more to go..

2011-06-12T21:53:00.002+08:00

It's been a good 2 weeks. In summary, i did regular 20ks, got my swimming arms back and still managed to find some time to meet up (although not as regular) with the peeps. Work has not been kind though. I've found myself taking the lead for alot of accounts due to colleagues/bosses taking long leave and sick leave.

Even having to work late many nights, i don't know how, but i still manage to squeeze in (recovery) runs! Awesome i say.

So 2 weeks down, 1 more week of intensive training to go.. then it's a whole new regime for the big day - July 31.

I've stopped thinking about my target. I'm enjoying my training now and i'm learning a whole new perspective of it - discipline.

I get injured, failed to lose weight, slow improvement despite hard trainings..all because there's no discipline. I MUST do my warm-ups and cool-downs proper. I MUST watch what i am putting in, and i've just learnt that i MUST do recovery sessions.

And i'm enjoying all that! Whee!

Quickie

2011-06-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

5 days into June, so far so good. Training has been up, i've done regular 22 -26km runs. Unfortunately the latest one on Friday night really killed the knee, i actually walked back for a good 10km home. Yikes..

I read that runner's knee is due mostly to uneven development of the quad and hamstring muscle. Guess i should do more strengthening for my hamstrings!

Anyway, it was a really depressing walk home from ECP that night. But that's when i remembered when i crashed on my living room floor, the afternoon i got home from my first Olympic tri.. and she was there to put a ice towel on my head and stood by to take care of me even when i just K.O-ed from utter fatigue.

Hmm, i really missed that. Guess it was one of the things i took for granted - as i pursue my goals, it's really nice to have someone to support you that way.

Well, time to suck it up and recover quick cos i got more long(er) runs, swims and rides to do in prep for July 31!

Seeya Suckers!

2011-06-01T16:41:00.000+08:00

I’d rather be physically and mentally exhausted from running a marathon than being emotionally drained from handling all drama and office politics.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just excommunicate yourself away from all the drama because I find that burden totally unnecessary. For whatever reason, friends do not talk, innocent people get dragged in, camps form within the office and emotions run high. The only running that should be high is the one that involves pounding the pavement every alternate night.

Oh well, what a fitting way to start 7 weeks of intensive training. I’m really going to miss the company, laughs and support I’ve been getting from my peeps. Suddenly it seems like everyone’s gone! (for reasons, good or bad) But I guess my shoes, that lonely track and that start line remain.

Oh, I know you’ll never leave me…even when I neglected you for so long. Felt good to do long runs. I hope I’ll make the 20kms a regular session – every alternate night. And I felt a familiar soreness in my arms after doing 1.5km pulling at the pool for my main set. Oh my, how I have neglected my swim.

You may call all that my distraction; running away from my feelings and emotions. I look at it as running into something that gives me great pleasure and joy.

Where's Mikey?

2011-05-26T21:26:00.003+08:00

My latest 22km running route. i guess i'll keep running this route until my heart or my knees tell me not to. Whichever tells me first.

Peace, not like the world gives...

2011-05-23T23:15:00.003+08:00

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch like me. Let it be known that on any other circumstances, i would be a total wreck; depressed, emotional and melancholic. But through our weaknesses, God's strength is glorified.

I..am...HYPED. I seriously cannot ask for more. I've been experiencing favour upon favour at work. When i thought i was going to drown and die, time and time again, i get pulled out by some miracle and everything turned out well.

I've had enough time to train and it's slowly getting better. But i'm not giving myself the pressure to perform. I believe i'll hit my target. But most importantly i'm going to enjoy each and every session as i'm reminded that that's my joy, my passion - to train, to race.

And it's been one hard month, but i finally broke my no-alcohol rule. (I can so hear you snigger right about now. Oh shut it already)

Yes i had a beer. And then i had wine in the evening. Might as well go all out right? But there shall therefore be no condemnation! And i'm back to running 12km this evening. And it felt soooo awesome. I can't wait to do consistent 14ks for regular runs with a weekly 20-24km!

I'm glad. Work and training has taken a huge uplift and the reason for that is i started trusting in God, talking to Him and turning to Him with every single worry, care and emotion..i just kept throwing it at His feet.

And through that, He's heard my heart, soothed it and have given me a clear mandate to trust Him and only Him with it...well, for now. It'll take alot to get it back. But at least i know that she would have needed to get it from Him..and i trust noone else to take care of the keys to my heart than God.

Time to keep moving on!! Time to keep running on!!

The One About Food..

2011-05-15T22:44:00.002+08:00

I live in Singapore, so much good food..

Must. Control. Got no time already. 2:35 is less than 8 weeks away. Must. Focus.

Long Weekends

2011-05-03T12:58:00.003+08:00

Gotta love long weekends. No work means running in the late morning, getting a swim in at lunch time and leaving the rest of the day to chillax.

Work sucks. It just takes up the entire day, drained you mentally/physically and gotta rush home to run or to the pool to swim.

I had fun the past week..managed to have good food with awesome friends even with all the training in is so, so awesome.

Yamcheon meat!

best French toast i've tasted yet! at Mimolette!

Things are improving. There are still some ups and downs but it's getting better and sooner than i expected actually. Holding steadfast to my goals and beliefs.. keeping my heart safe, my mind sharp and my body in health for the challenges ahead...yeah, the challenges emotionally and physically.

It's already May. 3 more months.

Any other changes?

2011-04-26T11:08:00.000+08:00

I’m not a professional athlete. I’ve come to terms that I will never be. Injury, age, time and potential have all passed me by. But that doesn’t mean I am not committed to the sport. Neither am I just there for the fun. I still want to better my time and never stop improving.

In the process of doing so, I’m giving up on a lot of other indulgences. And even though there are no tangible returns, at least not the money, fame and glory the pro athletes get in return, I am just riding on pure pleasure.

It’s funny how the past 3 years have undoubtedly defined who I am. I never thought I would do/say the things I did and picked up a sport that I absolutely am addicted to.

And now that I see myself not changing (in terms of character and personality) anymore, I can safely say this is who I’ve become and I’m finally grounded on my beliefs, goals and desires.

I may never win a world championship. And that isn’t my motivation. I just love what I’m doing and will keep on doing it. That’s who I am and will always be.

Do you know who you are?

Focus.

2011-04-24T22:05:00.002+08:00

Tough times are ahead. Tough times that i must endure. I am an endurance athlete, so i damn well better endure.

Discipline, determination, focus and strength. All by the grace of God...

The Breakdown

2011-04-18T11:03:00.004+08:00

So the target is a 2:35 timing for 31 July 2011. Surely, that must be a very realistic target considering that I’ve hit a 2:46 last year. I believe 2:35 is a very conservative time and if all things go smoothly, I might do even better. Referring to last year’s rankings and timing, a 2:35 timing will put me in a top 20 spot. My swim is comparable with some of the top finishers, my run time is not too far away and I should see improvements with the training that is to come but the bike leg is the obvious spoiler.

Yes I admit I haven’t been on Felicia for a decent amount of time, let alone be race-ready. But I hope to change that during the last 2 months leading up to the big race. It’s a no-brainer that in a triathlon, the longest distance and time-spent on the race is on the bike. I need to put in SOME effort into the bike.

So here’s my ‘realistic’ breakdown for 31 July,
1.5k swim – 0:25 (-2mins)
40k bike – 1:18 (-5mins)
10k run – 0:52 (-3mins) TOTAL – 2:35

It may look easy, like it’s just a couple of minutes, but in a quick environment, especially on the bike, one second can actually cover quite a distance. I still believe it’s a realistic target to achieve but it’s definitely not a walk in the park, literally. Focus, focus, focus. 2:35, top 20 position.

All things made new

2011-04-17T23:01:00.003+08:00

Awesome sermon this morning. Learnt so much about resentment, bitterness, showing love and undeserved Grace. It was a good wake-up call for me.

Most importantly, it assured me of my decision. No more striving, no more expectations, i'm going to enjoy the ride. I've made my choice and i'm going to miss alot of things/people... but there's only one thing on my mind now. And that is..

2:35

This blog is a training log and that's what it should always have been. two, thirty-five. Let's do. Here we go.

:)

2011-04-15T18:25:00.002+08:00

They say all good things must come to an end...

... honestly, i wish it never did. Maybe we could start. But i guess i'll never know.

in 5 hours

2011-04-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

I should be asleep but i can't. I gotta be up in 5 hours to prepare for the 12km run later. I have half the mind to just skip it. Main reason being travelling and logistics will be such a chore. I've lost my motivation to race.

This is bad. It was a good week leading up til this weekend until last night. I realise now how far away i am from what i was over a year ago.

But life is too short for regrets and for wasting more time. I gotta make up my mind, put on my shoes and run with it.

Away from all the distractions and all the futile efforts that i know will eventually amount to nothing. Time to run along.

Over view

2011-03-31T17:09:00.000+08:00

My first race of 2011 will be the 2XU 12km Compression Run happening in 10 days time. Like most other races, I do not feel prepared for this event. With an average of three 12km runs a week, I am highly doubtful of doing a personal best, although finishing it will not be a problem.

I have no problem being mentally ready for a 12km run race as well; having done marathons before, I still find the latter more mental than physical. So my only wish for this race is to kickstart my motivation to train hard again.

I used to remember training 6 times a week, alternating between running, swimming and abit of cycling to prepare for triathlons. Those days made me sacrifice a lot of time with close friends. During the start of the year, I’ve admittedly neglected training by catching up with these friends and making new ones in the process. I have no regrets and someday perhaps I can say that I found that happiness by growing that special bond with a special someone.

Growing that special bond would mean spending more time and emotional investment. Will I be ready to do that when the opportunity really presents itself? I know I will not say ‘no’ when that happens, but not because I’m easy (I can hear your sniggers), but because if I’m already at that stage, it means I’ve already given it enough thought to know that that is what I want. And as selfish as it may sound, I want a happy relationship, to always have a good laugh with my peeps, and a healthy career.

Although it does not feel like it has been only three months (feels so much longer), I’m glad I’m back at a challenging environment that is giving me a lot of opportunity to improve, and prove, myself. I’m learning so much and am constantly being exposed to industry experts and am soaking up the experience. I have toyed with the idea that since I’m still young and single, I’ll gladly accept an overseas posting if given the opportunity to.

But all these plans to further develop my career overseas and training hard will take a backseat if I ever get into a relationship again. Will i?

Going up and going out

2011-03-30T22:13:00.002+08:00

It was my best training shoe yet...

so when i saw the next edition in bright yellow...

i just couldn't say no.

Had my first run with the Gel Cumulus 12 and i must say the chunky size was something i didn't miss, but the cushioning was a good welcome for me.

Plus... my shuffle and nano are ready for collection, so that means music will be back. I'm hitting a plateau at 12km, i'm hoping the music will help me break it to 14km again. With OSIM just months away, i need to bring up the pace.

Guess i had been distracted the past month, but i foresee a slow winding down where i'm accepted situations better, understanding myself better and beginning to see clearer too.

And with acceptance, i'm learning to be more patient. My time is now.

Seven Days

2011-03-20T09:59:00.003+08:00

In the past week...

My Nano died. Seriously. Nothing left but a black screen and no volume.

Short trip to Kuala Lumpur again...

... and had the good old hawker food that's slowly disappearing in Singapore.

Busy but fun times at work. Lotsa getting to know the team even better amidst all the crazy deadlines and client requests.

And of course, the usual weekend session.

So...i really need to train more!

Another junction

2011-03-11T23:14:00.003+08:00

Time flies. Before we know it, March is over..end of Q1 2011. Can you even remember that incident in 2010? Seemed like yesterday right? You can almost picture yourself in that very situation, with that very same emotion. So what exactly has happened for you this 2011?

In the short span of 2.5 months, i've missed 3 major races i had planned for. I've been distracted mentally and emotionally. I can't say that work is responsible. It's been mad busy with days of phone calls, meetings, reports, planning, more phone calls, more meetings...but i've always managed to knock off before 8pm on (not all, but) most days.

So i have no excuse to not put on the shoes and go for a run. It's been recently that i'm slowly getting back to fitness. I just have to keep my focus and remain disciplined.

I can safely say i've systematically rooted out the problem, found a solution and now it's time for execution. Slowly and surely, it's gonna be (another) new chapter that's definitely alot calmer, happier, more fun perhaps and it'll be...

AWESOME.

For The 1st Time

2011-03-06T00:23:00.003+08:00

There's nothing a good run can't fix. That may not be totally true now, and that's very frightening. Perhaps my runs have finally met their match in the biggest situation, yet.

I didn't know what to say and i didn't know how to say it. What is it that you want me to say? Just tell me what you want to hear, and i can give all my secrets away.

But what's the point in saying it when i know what the answer will be? And when i thought i would have sorted all this out after a good 12km, i was terribly wrong.

Now i'm wide awake, unable to get to sleep, aching and more confused than i started. But with a banged up knee and a restless heart, i can't run this off now.

Gotta find a new way to get this outta my head. For good.

My One & Only

2011-02-27T22:01:00.004+08:00

31 July 2011. It looks set to be the one and only standard distance i will be doing this year. So i'm all ready to make the best outta it.

It's never too early to start preparations. I might burn out too early, but given my work schedule, i'd say i need to start doing it now.

It's going to come with alot of sacrifice. Going to have to give up alot of rest, alot of my favourite food and perhaps alot of fun times with my buddies.

But it's going to give me alot of time to think about life and reflect on what needs to be done. I'm tired of being emotional and setting myself up for more disappointments. It's funny isn't it? We actually can see where the path is going, but what makes us want to continue going down?

"It's not the person you can live with, it's the person you can't live without"

2005

2011-02-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

Surreal.

The End

2011-02-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

Coldplay - The Scientist
Uploaded by EMI_Music. - See the latest featured music videos.

I Found It

2011-02-17T00:02:00.002+08:00

Dear God, i know You have forgiven me for these emotions. But i absolutely am not regretting them right now..

I am so wanting this feeling right now. I want to race. I need to race.

This confusion, loaded with doubt. A hint of self-pity. With a dash of remorse and helplessness. Mixed together to have a taste of helplessness and captivity...just makes me want to run, run, run.

This feeling is back, it's what drove me out of immobility, overcoming the inertia and into consistency.

I have the tools i need now - the images of the past and future. Images to make my present stronger.

I found it again, and i'm going to ride it harder than ever before.

2011-02-15T22:19:00.003+08:00

Looking back at old posts...

FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2009
After that concussion on Monday...

Tue: Interval training, Running
Wed: Long Running
Thursday: Swimming
Today: Running...

And i did the 8 laps in an all new 47minutes 30sconds! Maybe i shouldn't keep thinking about when i'm going to hit the plateau. Maybe the one thing i should quit is that defeatist attitude and if i can keep going faster, then so be it.

I'm keeping in mind that i have two Olympic distance triathlons coming up in August and September. An IPPT to do in October that i'm aspiring to get gold (yes, i never got a gold in IPPT, but that has got to change. If there's a time to break that duct, it is now)

Tomorrow: Swimming and (hopefully) Cycling

Is it just me, or is cycling in Singapore tough? To be fully prepared for a Olympic distance triathlon, that's 40k of cycling. Is there any decent route in Singapore to clock that kind of mileage without the crazy traffic? And the right timing to juggle work hours in? Yeah, i thought so.

Need to step up the training! OSIM international triathlon, Tri-Factor triathlon, Stan Chart Marathon... oh! and did i mention..

Aviva Ironman Triathlon 2010!

Has anything changed? I had a good run up to the IM2010. I remember telling myself i must do better. What happened to that vow i made to myself?

I broke away, thought i had found a reason to stop training/racing, but that reason has continually left me. Maybe someday i will believe in it again, and this time, it will come back to me.

But i guess for now.. it's time i give it all up and go back to where there is freedom...even if it's just for that 10km on the road, alone and loving noone else but myself.

I am coming back...

Really need to..

2011-02-13T23:18:00.002+08:00

Missed the Singapore Biathlon this weekend and i missed training all week while recovering from a flu.

And tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I don't think i've ever celebrated Valentine's Day much. Even when i was attached, i don't think i did anything extravagent. Guess i'm just cynical about a day that has become over-commercialised.

So in my individual attempt to mock the day tomorrow, i've gotten all ready to run my legs and lungs out. Just me and the tracks...

I admit that every time a good thing comes my way, i am afraid to believe in it, or to act on it. I just run away. I don't have the patience to wait for it to mature. I just run.

I know better now than to fill my head and heart with useless emotions. I'll just plug in to my new toy and do what i do best...

OMG, it has a friggin pedometer installed in it! If this sweet baby can live past a year, i'm more than happy.

Maybe two weeks of hardcore of running and swimming will get me back in physical shape, emotional stability and back to race-ready fitness.

Here we go..

Input vs Output

2011-02-04T16:55:00.001+08:00

So far, still no races planned for 2011. Was supposed to sign up for couple of runs in March, but i have missed the registration deadline in January, so i'm left races-less.

Once again, Chinese New Year is the season to overeat and spend all day visiting relatives. I'm glad i managed to eat only 2 meals a day (big meals nonetheless) and got a run in this afternoon.

But it's been really hard to stick to a firm training schedule. More often than not, i'm working til late during the weekdays, and sometimes missing meals. I can't remember how many times i've had snickers for lunch.

Yup, i even stocked up on snickers. That's bad it is.

With whatever remaining time i have left, i've been hanging out and meeting my babes and dudes cos i really miss them. With great company, comes great food...

Oh gosh, i really do need my peeps to just chillax and forget about the weekday grind. :) Mucho lurve to them.

But i guess there are consequences. Been 6 days since my last run and this is what happened...

Epic Fail. Hahaha...

I believe it can be done and it's definitely been done before. Juggling work, friends, family and training. I'm sure you know someone who is doing it. It's not easy, but it can be done.

I'm gonna learn, suck it up, get disciplined and do it all over again. Hopefully, i'll be one of those guys you know who can work, train and make time for all my awesome friends!

You win some, you lose some...

2011-01-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

I said i'll not do it, but i did it..again. I ran.

It's been so long since i felt this way, running. Then the memories came rushing back when you're near exhaustion. Even after a long tiring day, i'm glad i did.

Cos sometimes, that 10km run does more than take your breath away (literally).. it makes you dig deep within yourself to find that one true desire you have inside you. It peels away all the peripherals and superfluous. It mercilessly throws away those feeble attempts to motivate yourself with petty anger and fears, and forces you to drag out the deepest demons and ride on them as if you force your body to limits you never thought you could reach.

Then the memories and emotions play like a movie...

I have forgiven, but i will never forget...

Everywhere i'm looking now...

2011-01-06T21:18:00.003+08:00

Almost to the end of the 1st week of 2011. Wasn't the start i expected, but i guess some changes are good. Sometimes, it's best to just let things go out of plan, go thru that ride, experience the journey, have a story to tell others at dinners and just be surprised...

I still think about the aussie trip.. i must say the withdrawal for this trip is one of the worst i've had. It just felt like this coming back to spore is totally new and the life i should be living was back there in melb/syd.

of course, it would be a different feeling if not for these guys...

miss them loads.

I thought that i would start 2011 training again. I was really inspired during the road trip around beautiful australia - inspired to do a race there. The beaches are beautiful (despite the cold and merciless water and tide), sand is so smooth, and the roads are perfect for the bike and run.

Where the skies have no end, the heavens meet the earth... i really hope to be racing in such picturesque beauty someday..

Unfortunately, it's been 5 days now, and i'm still having menstrual cramps. Yes you heard me right - menstrual. The doctor gave me menstrual pills cos i have "abdominal cramps". FML.

So i haven't been training for a month. And i don't know if it's the bloatedness or just fats.. but my tummy is really bloated. It's freaky. I look like those starving african kids.

I just hope to recover quickly and get back to training again. I haven't signed up for any races this year, no Ironman, no biathlon, duathlon, OCBC cycle.. i'll just focus on the OSIM tri, Stan Chart marathon and maybe one more Olympic tri, maximum 3 races.

But then again, not everything goes according to plan, right?

Remember those walls i built?

Well, baby they're tumbling down...

New

2011-01-04T10:28:00.002+08:00

Went on an awesome trip with the dudes to melbourne/sydney. Didn't do much touristy things cos most places were closed during the Christmas/New Year season, but having their company and alot of laughs were the best part of the trip.

I'm not looking back at 2010 and list the things that i've accomplished.. but looking forward to this new phase.

Ironically, i'm on MC on my second day. My table's not packed and everything is in a mess. Damn.

Well, not the perfect start to 2011, but it's a start nonetheless..

Time is Flying...

2010-12-15T19:40:00.004+08:00

Third time's not a charm. Not only did I not do a PB 10 days ago for the 42, i was 3 minute slower than what i clocked last year.

But it wasn't an entirely disappointing race as i reached a new threshold of 35km, still feeling fresh and keeping pace. Training picked up well, (but still insufficient in my terms) and i've been running 20kms regularly. Experience also played a part as i was not bothered much about discomfort, blisters and hydration.

I managed to keep time til the 37km mark until the heat and humidity got the better of me and i was walking up the unsheltered and uncompromising ECP next to MBS. Saw many dropping out at the sides during this time and there was very little mental encouragement at that point of time.

I'm also very thankful that the knees held up. With both my knees and ankles taped up, there was surprisingly no ache. Well, at least not until the past 3 days when i've started running again!

All in all, the race went well and i know i've said that this could be my last. But how could i go out with timings slumping with each passing year? Even my triathlon hero, Chris McCormack proved that point. He came back to from 2007 to win the World Ironman Triathlon title in October.

It's a fantastic year for me with many memorable races. Going to end the year off with a bang! Looking forward to a couple of trips and then it's going to be a new year with a great new team, growing new friendships, maturing with the old ones and finding her!

At the meantime, i'll just keep running and chasing that lovely dream!

Back from the Dead

2010-12-09T12:49:00.006+08:00

Yes, i did drag my lazy ass out of bed to run my third marathon. In summary, i did 5:25 in 2008, 5:55 in 2009 and 5:56 in 2010.

I'm not too disappointed though. I managed to run at a good pace til 35km when i started the run/walk cycle. Glad that most of my training paid off, but there's still so much to be desired to get my body more prepared for a longer race.

I shall give my customary race report in time to come. For now, i'm just glad to be back from the dead. Fell really ill on Monday evening and took the next couple of days to fully recover. So yes, i'm back!

And i can't wait to get to running again!

*
I see some photos of friends who ran on Sunday.. whether it's the 10, 21 or 42.. i feel inspired by each and every one of them.

The person who ran the 10, now feels inspired to run the 21. The person who overcame the odds and did the 21. The person who completed his goodness-knows how many gazillionth 42. Each and every one of them had an inspiration to run and i can't help but be inspired by these ordinary people with an 'ordinary' reason to do something extraordinary.

Thank you for your inspiration.

grumpy...

2010-12-01T10:17:00.010+08:00

3 days to to race day and i've finally gotten down to planning the logistics. It sucks.

Consider the fact that you'll not only be on your feet for the next 5hours, you'll be running. And in my case, with a really bad knee. So you'll definitely want to plan well and get to the race and home safely, easily and in one piece.

It's going to be a challenge this year.

I'm not spoilt, i have done the marathon all by myself, without any support, before. But the biggest curveball here is that the start and finish line aren't at the same place. Let me lay it out for you.

Driving there? It won't help much because start and end are at different locations. Yes, there are shuttle buses to get you back to the start but with 2,000+ runners? Good luck with waiting.

I drove last year and at least i could dump my belongings in the car and just carry the carkeys. Since i'm not driving, where am i to put my barang barang? There are bag collection points. But once again, consider the crowds. Plus, the fact that the 42km baggage collection point will be at the F1 building; quite a distance from the finish line.

All that, and the fact that you just completed 42km?

Oh gawd... i might as well crawl my way home.

[ok, that was a really grumpy post. but don't worry, the writer is fine. He is looking forward to a long overdue break from work/technology; spending the final weeks of 2010 travelling!]

Not All About Running

2010-11-26T14:36:00.006+08:00

I'm actually glad that amidst all the training and dieting, i am still able to find some time to chill with close friends and have a few drinks (in moderation).

(pictures have been blurred to protect the identities of those caught on camera)

i'm happy to see my peeps happy!

Frankly, i won't say i'm completely prepared for next Sunday's race. But then again, will i ever be? I'm actually pleased with being able to steadily complete 22-24km during my regular runs. The longer runs, even up to 30k, should be ok; breathing still in control. But it's the ache in the knee(s) that is the problem. I hate those sudden sharp jerks - makes me look like i got some spasm. Pretty embarrasing stuff if you ask me.

I've been heavily taping my knees and ankles. But even with the tape, i still feel my joints, creaking - that's definitely not a good sign. I only have a few more long runs before the 42k. It's gonna hold up. Oh God... it will.

What now?

2010-11-19T16:57:00.003+08:00

Does this mean i can't run the 42km in 2 weeks' time?

My knee is not in good shape. Sigh.

UPDATE:

Sigh.. i just got photos from this year's OSIM tri. Made me miss racing and training.

Had a good friend leave a comment on an old facebook photo album; an album of my first sprint triathlon. I thank him for his encouraging words..

Guess it's all part of the Big Daddy's little way of cheering me up and getting me motivated again.

22 in 2:22

2010-11-15T23:00:00.005+08:00

Running has evolved for me over the past 3 years. I remember starting out doing 3km runs, 3 times a week around my neighborhood (well, 3km is just one round around the block la...pfffft) to lose weight. I progressed to doing 5-7km in preparation for my first few races. Some discipline finally paid off and i started enjoying being fitter.

During these races, i saw many familiar faces and thought, 'if they could do it, why can't i?'. I guess that's when my obsession started. I admit that vanity and ego played their part; I signed up for longer distances and trained my knees out for them.

Now, after having completed couple of full marathons, a handful of Olympic triathlons, some duathlons, many biathlons/runs and an Ironman, i find myself running for a different reason.

I run because i want to get away from everything else. Some quiet time thinking about the challenges ahead and enjoying God's presence. And during one of my longer runs tonight (i did about 22km?) I had couple of prayers answered...

The verse, Psalm 68:19 "Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits..." finally sank in. The words 'loads', 'daily' and 'benefits' just popped out at me and despite the new year/challenges coming up, i'm reminded to take things one day at a time.

I've also prayed about being in love again. Remembering all my past relationships and looking at couples around me, it dawned on me that being in love meant not drawing my identity and security from my partner. My needs of love, attention and affection must ultimately be grounded on God. Being in love means being selfless, but every man/woman gets depleted somehow. Not when they keep drawing from God.

I realised i've been too selfish in my past relationships. I've not been fair (to say the least) to all those who have given me nothing but support, understanding and love. They've either left me, or due to my (selfish) needs, i've let them down. I may not realise it then, but the reason i got upset/angry at my partner(s) then was i expected something from them. If you become less selfish of your own needs, you'd genuinely care for your partners, there won't be any infidelity and alot more understanding and less anger/fights.

I agree that the world's divorce rate would be cut in half if husbands and wives become less selfish and actually start giving.

I owe that to the next girl who captures my heart. All i will do is to love her. She don't have to worry about me, cos God's covered my needs. My only and best reward will be to see her happy.

As 2010 winds down, i'm going to miss many things. The colleagues and (strange) friends i've made during the last three-and-a-half years at work. The deeper bonds i've made with my schoolmates. Especially when we guys fell out of our relationships like dominos. Hey, at least one good thing came out of that!

And lastly, i'm going to miss running.

My Asics when i first got it. It has served me through two Olympic triathlons, one biathlon, one marathon and the Ironman. It's dying now..the seams are splitting.. but let's do it one more time k? one last 42?

It seems like this year's 42km will be my third..and my last. Sadly, my knees don't seem to agree with me anymore.

2 hours and 22 minutes is alot of time to think, reflect and pray. and that's what i did this evening.

Done

2010-11-12T17:32:00.002+08:00

Everything is going to change.

Keeping My Eyes Open

2010-11-10T12:53:00.002+08:00

Finally ran 19km last night. Surprisingly, it wasn't that painful. The knees starting aching during the last couple of rounds, but overall it was a smooth run as i wasn't left panting.

Made sure i ate well and stretched to recover well. But with only 4 hours of sleep, i'm really struggling to stay awake today..

.. oh i was so tired i even forgot to get coffee. Will probably grab some during lunch before the afternoon meeting.

Hmm..and i'm starting to feel the aches in my thighs. I want to do another 19km tonight and i need to do some late-night shopping.

Please, let it be so!

The sinner seek Devotion

2010-11-09T09:39:00.000+08:00

I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, this salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
We are redeemed
I'm believing, trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
To take up my cross and follow You Lord

When You stand, the tall tress and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees
I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, this salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
We are redeemed
I'm believing, trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
To take up my cross and follow You Lord

When You stand, the tall tress and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

Died to My Dreams...

2010-11-07T22:19:00.002+08:00

..and i surrendered to God.

After a hard week training, nothing was as welcoming as a long weekend away from work. I had some quiet time to do more runs, pray about the big decision i am about to make and ultimately getting back up to where i belong.

The pressure of training and performance during races destroys the joy and passion i have for the sport. The expectations at work and home ruins relationships that should be enjoyed. All my hopes and dreams, i surrender them all.

In a Blink of an Eye

2010-10-27T10:00:00.001+08:00

So i turned a year older over the weekend...

Thanks Guys!

Can't imagine we're all the age we're at. It seemed like yesterday when we were doing the craziest sh*t 10 years ago. Hey wait, we're still doing it. Guess some things never change.

Now that all that partying is out of the way, i really really have to get down to business. 42km is just 5 weeks away.

A usual sight, almost every night

I have to put in more hours into training. Not just for the 42km in December, but hopefully for the Ironman Tri in march. The only thing that's stopping me from registering is i don't see a point in taking part when i'm not fully committed to train for it. Over 50% of the field has been snapped up...gotta decide soon!

Time is slipping by. Another year has passed, i've gotten a year older, we're almost to a new year and before i know it, i'll be at that starting line...

...

2010-10-20T10:58:00.002+08:00

sigh.

On my Knees

2010-10-16T12:47:00.003+08:00

The eternal debate on running wrecking your knees,

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/13/phys-ed-do-marathons-wreck-your-knees/

A long but interesting read. The article publishes test studies and tries to present an unbiased opinion by presenting both sides of the arguement. I say 'tries' because the test was already skewed to prove that running marathons do wreck the knees.

But does that mean every single marathon runner is destined to have arthritis?

With proper diet, warm-up/stretching and a steady training programme, runners need not punish their knees. Post-training and race recovery is just as important.

The only uncontrollable condition would be genes. But you can do a body analysis (expensive) and have a training programme specially crafted to your current condition to train within your physical limits.

I have to admit, i'm afraid that with my current knee condition, i may not be able to go as far or as long as i want to. But then again, just like any other form or exercise, it is meant to strengthen and condition the body. So i'm all for proper training to strengthen my knees.

So train hard, train well, train safe. See you at the finish line!

"Pain is weakness leaving the body" - Guerrero, Oklahoma City University

just what i needed

2010-10-05T16:44:00.003+08:00

Had a really contented week. Did most of my shopping, met up with the ex-colleagues for another sushi buffet on thurs, met the doodes for movie-night on sat and topped it off with an awesome race-day-sunday.

There was a heavy storm on saturday night and i almost decided to give the race a miss when it was still drizzling on Sunday morning.

The Battlefield

Although it wasn't the best condition for racing, i'm glad i didn't miss it in the end. The transition area was muddy, the waters were the roughest i've ever swam in and the bike leg was dangerously crowded (the kids race shouldn't have been flagged off that close to the adult races).

Surprisingly, i managed to do a sub 2:50 timing! I cramped up with 6km of running left, but managed to keep running with nothing but mental. Remembered praying alot, talking to God to distract the pain and i clearly remembered saying if God will let me finish the race without walking, i'm definitely going to church later.

And He really did.

I even got to meet a good friend during church and had a nice time catching up with her. Awesomeness.

Well, it's gonna be another awesome week. When my legs finally recover, i'm gonna hit the road with my new shuffle and new shoes!

42km, here i come!

:)

2010-10-02T16:31:00.002+08:00

Finally did some shopping! I guess this is how the ladies feel when they get a couple of nice dresses or designer bags?

I'm all hyped to train even more..i've got my music, a new kit, new shoes and even Felicia got new trainers! Hyped up!

Isolation

2010-09-29T15:51:00.004+08:00

Finding serenity in isolation. I've been sticking close to my training and diet, mostly due to this Sunday's race at ECP. But i'm absolutely loving the effects.

Been running and swimming every other day. The diet is good, enough carbs for training, no alcohol. And with enough rest (no late nights), i'm physically and mentally satisfied.

To give myself a pat on the back...

i got me the new shuffle!

And, I'm planning to go get a new pair of racing shoes tonight! I'm eagerly waiting for my blue shuffle. It should be coming any day now. Finally gonna put some music into my runs, which should be getting longer.

More importantly, i feel very much contented doing these 'simple' things. The past ten days have been quiet but this simplicity has been sweet. No more crazy sh*t, no more schoolboy emo-ness and even though the circumstances may sway every now and then, they become irrelevant when you've got your head screwed on the right place.

Ha. I think i've finally grown up. It's time to go live life to the fullest... the REAL life.

Glad my training's back on track. So. Very. Glad.

Stomache

2010-09-24T16:00:00.003+08:00

"Oooo...i don't feel so gooood"

I got myself carbon pills, i hope my tummy gets better so i can be ready for next weeks' race. It sure looks like this weekend will be a quiet one for me.

I have to make sure there's a toilet (stocked with toilet paper!) within a 500 metre radius. Other than my errands, i think i'll just stay at home and watch the F1. Was planning to chill with friends, shop for tech/clothes and finish up my training before tapering. Looks highly unlikely now.

Sigh, there goes the weekend. I feel really shitty now. No pun intended.

I just had to share this

2010-09-20T11:00:00.002+08:00

Breaking away from tradition, today's message was really powerful and i needed to share it.

Don’t Let Your Past Rob You

Philippians 3:13–14
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Are you living a life of regrets thinking, “If only…”? “If only I had that college education… If only I had married the right girl… If only I had taken up the other job… If only I had not made that stupid mistake…”

Is your past robbing you of the joy of today?

Then forget your past!

You might say, “But Pastor Prince, you do not know what I have done in the past!”

Consider Paul. If the devil had anything to bring against Paul, it would be reminders of how he had persecuted the early church and caused the deaths of many, including Stephen, the first Christian martyr.

Paul had done horrendous things that were hard for him to forget. But he had such a revelation of God’s awesome forgiveness that he could say, “forgetting those things which are behind… I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.

Beloved, God has forgiven you of all your sins. He has completely forgiven you and declared, “Your sins and lawless deeds, I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17)

Like Paul, you can forget your past, the wrongs you have done and the hurts you have caused others or been through yourself. God can take the tears of yesterday and transform them into the miracles of tomorrow. He can restore to you in all abundance what you have lost. He can cause all things, even the painful events of your past, to work together for your good. (Romans 8:28)

God’s Word says, “The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” (Isaiah 58:8) His glory will cover your past. Wherever you go, His glory covers your past. It is no longer the same past that you know of because His glory has descended on it. Your past is past. It has been wiped out. It is gone! So don’t let your past rob you of today’s joy any longer!

Ding Dong

2010-09-20T10:47:00.002+08:00

Less than two to weeks to my first Olympic triathlon since May. Not satisfied with training to do a personal best, but i'll enjoy the race anyway. Training during these last weeks (before tapering) were going good. Not until the past weekend!

Blooie's!

Diet was totally out the window. Had Dim Sum to celebrate Grandma's birthday, had couple of beers, burgers, popcorn, chicken rice, belgium waffles with ice-cream and prata! [don't worry, i still managed to avoid pork/beef..the burger is chicken]

After a commendable attempt at climbing back up the fitness ladder, i'm now having diarrhea probably from the sudden overdose of oily junk food during the last two days.

I'm still going to run tonight, swim tomorrow, run again, run somemore then swim. Even if i have to poop in my pants!

...i am determined to.

Motivate

2010-09-15T17:45:00.003+08:00

There's no secret to it - stagnate and perish. If i don't continue training, i'll backslide. And it's very painful to climb back up to a reasonable fitness level.

Last night's swim was painful. My arms were sore in the middle of the swim, when the aches usually come the next day. So you can imagine my arms, neck and back today at work. Sigh.

You would have thought that after all this training, it should be getting easier. I've accepted the fact that it never will. If it does, that would mean stagnating. Even champions don't remain status quo, you keep going until you can't go on anymore.

I've said before that if i had the choice and more importantly - the talent, to become a professional athlete, i would. I guess it's OK to complain every now and then (training is tiring, so sian, etc) but at the end of it all, it's the passion of 'doing' that will drive me to keep going.

I read in the papers that an Australian runner is planning to run from North to South pole for the Red Cross. It's these little bits that help remind me why i'm risking my knees, wasting my evenings in solitude and spending most of my salary on equipment/events to 'torture' myself.

But just for tonight... i take my motivation from UFC fighter, Tito Ortiz's comeback.

Today is just today. Tomorrow is another matter altogether. Tonight's run is just tonight's run.

Eid Mubarak

2010-09-11T10:30:00.005+08:00

It's been a long month, but i've not eaten pork and had alcohol during this time. I doubt i'll be at peak performance in 3 weeks' time, but at least my training is slowly picking up.

This week marks the end.When ramadan comes to an end, and the holy month of fasting is over.When all the incense paper is burnt, the hungry ghosts return to the underworld...

...all except the ghost of Mambo.

"waddarp yo! gao says it's time to partayy!"

No hangover the following morning, but it was one of the most uncomfortable day at work. Not to mention the next run i had. alcohol and training definitely don't go together.

Well, it was a fun night nonetheless...but it's back to training! 1 oly triathlon and 1 full marathon for 2010!

2010-09-07T17:15:00.004+08:00

"Full steam for HP-Trifactor triathlon"

Full-steam-your-head la. Yeah, that was written in my diary couple of months back when i was charting my training for October's race.

I'm still feeling slack and i've less than 4 weeks to race day. I've never been this unprepared, ever. I've not touched chlorine water for 10 days. My bike tyres have gone flat. I've not ran more than 18 km during the past 10 days.

It'll be a miracle if i can finish in a decent time. If this laziness keeps up, it'll be a miracle if i can even finish the race.

Worst part is, i have the motivation of a couch potato.

... i can't even be bothered to bend over and pick up that book.

Haunting

2010-09-03T12:56:00.002+08:00

Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh reckless abandon,
Like no one's watching you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

Songs of desperation
I played them for you
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While our bloods still young
It's so young, it runs
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A moment, a love (won't stop to surrender)

-Sweet Disposition, The Temper Trap

i wet myself...

2010-09-02T11:06:00.006+08:00

Ok, suddenly i feel anxious. IPPT is in couple of days' time and i've been eating well...too well. Going to have a feast on Friday night with the colleagues, a buffet tonight with the ex-colleagues, and had a food tasting session at the Shang last night...

That's three consecutive nights of stuffing myself. And then IPPT on Saturday morning. The thing is, i still feel the same as i did 5 years ago when i was at my fitness-worst. Knowing i do Ironman triathlons, you must be thinking 'wtf la.. IPPT is what compared to your races, still scared for what? then people like me so fat and never exercise can just go and die la'.

Wait, wait, wait...

Let me explain. You see, it doesn't matter whether i'm a couch potato or an olympic champion. IPPT is still a test, it is still a form of 'race' in which i am expected to perform. So naturally, i would want to perform well. I do agree that if i'm the latter, perhaps i wouldn't be as as anxious, knowing that i can probably get the gold incentive... (but then again, if i'm the former, i wouldn't be anxious at all and just screw the test altogether and sign up for Remedial Training immediately...cue *FML*)

So you see, i believe that feeling anxious is inevitable. And i guess that applies to everything in life as well; especially at work, like meeting deadlines, clients, appraisals. Perhaps this even applies to when you're going out on your 14,724th date.. you still feel that anxiousness?

If it's unavoidable, might as well embrace it. After all, it's this anxiousness can help spur us psychologically (if contained at the right level). At least i know for sure that it does povide the adrenalin to push the body beyond its normal limits. Just that as of now, i'm trying to contain it to a good level...

Can't be helped that i don't feel as prepared as i should with so much feasting just before the test, and this week basically derailed the training schedule for October's triathlon and December's marathon. Sigh.

Oh well, as for saturday's IPPT, even if i don't get the gold incentive of $400, at least the gahmen is giving me $10,500 for the National Service Recognition Award. So i should learn to just chillax!

Thank you la, Mr. Lee..*wee weet* So hamsum!

So How Now, Brown Cow?

2010-08-30T16:54:00.005+08:00

IPPT this Saturday. I feel more motivated to get the cash because it's going to go to my nanny's family. It's sad to hear of (yet another) death in her immediate family. Mother-in-law, husband and sister... all in the span of 2 months. Well, even if i don't get the monetary incentive, i'm going to give anyway. :(

And even with the three consecutive dinner-meetings this week, i believe i'd be in good form for the test. I figured that even if i can't do my runs, i can still allocate an hour at night to do 200 sit-ups and 100 push-ups. Heck i can even do it in my room, half nekkid.

Yes, i'm building on my core. But it's kinda challenging. I'm feeling the ache in my upper body and i like it. But i can't seem to feel anything at my abs. It's THAT bad... i actually did 200 sit-ups in the park yesterday, until i 'struggled' to lift myself up. Was expecting to feel sore today, but noo... i feel BLOATED. How come like that?!

I'm motivating myself to get some definition with this photo...

2008 OSIM triathlon.
Don't you just want to reach in and pinch that layer of giggly lard? *Mmmm*!!!

Concentrated and Focused

2010-08-24T11:43:00.005+08:00

At the end of it all, if there's only one thing that matters, one thing you can change - what would that be?

If there's one thing i've learnt, it's to be focused. Most times, our judgement and problems get clouded by our 'innate intelligence' that brings in too many factors, possibilities, different outcomes and 'what if's. Work problems, relationship issues and now my training - i see that getting to the root of the problem and addressing it solves the problem quickly, effectively and with alot less heartache.

I can safely say that i've maintained my fitness to a good level. I can complete Olympic triathlons and finish marathons without (major) injury. But pushing up my rankings and doing personal bests requires me to get out of this plateau.

I've been increasing my distances steadily, but my body is not responding too well. My knees are getting busted and now i feel it at the ankles too. I know something's amiss when physically, my body is not getting into the shape it's supposed to be (to perform) on top of all these injuries.

It's my core. I believe i've been neglecting my core all this while. I should do adaquete warm-ups/stretching (aiyar, i admit i lazy sometimes...ok, most of the time) to loosen the core and prepare the body for work and after my runs, strengthen it with more crunches and planks.

not only because it looks good, a body like this means you got a 'core'. I want.

... addressing the one thing that is truly needed and everything else will naturally fall into place.

A Lame Excuse

2010-08-13T12:43:00.003+08:00

One week of inactivity for me is like a decade of hibernation. It's been a really rotten week after monday's holiday when i was all set to achieve a challenging training program this week.

Of the years i've been running on this route, i finally had my first fall. I was really pissed at that chinaman who didn't bother sharing the walkway with me. I should have just rugby-tackled him. But i skipped onto the grass patch to avoid him, and who the hell throws a multiple plug adapter in a park?! Some idiot did and my left foot landed right on it, causing my ankle to overpronate and i couldn't believe what happened next.

I remember tumbling forward, then rolling onto my back into the drain. I could feel sand, twigs, dried leaves in my hair, stuck on my perspiring body. i was flat on my back looking up. Then i felt it. A sharp pain through my left ankle.

F*CK.

Then i sat up and my natural reaction was to grab the ankle tightly. "Sh*t, cannot run already" was my first thought. That's when i saw him.

That friggin' chinaman was couple metres in front of me now, staring down the drain at me. I looked at him, clenching my teeth in pain. He looked at me. I wasn't sure if i said "help" because i was dealing with the searing pain and was still in abit of shock. But that mofo just stood there. Best part was, he looked around to see if anybody was nearby.

Noone. Then he looked at me. And..walked off.

It's been couple of days now and i still don't believe it...
1. You didn't bother to at least lean aside so we both could pass each other.
2. Who the fark throws a plug in a park.
3. You looked around to get help. ...NOT.
4. You left me sitting in a ditch.

FML.

Fat, Fatter, Fattest

2010-08-05T15:22:00.003+08:00

I put on weight. 3kilos to be exact. I've stepped up training and been increasing my distances steadily.

Longer runs and swims mean that my appetite is insatiable and i've been eating everything and anything. It's weird.

I'm actually running more but i'm getting fatter. I know that i haven't been watching my diet; i've been eating whatever i can get my hands on. Like by the time i finish my 2 hour runs, i'm only left with ordering Macs. Either that or instant noodles. And i eat ALOT, to satisfy my hunger.

My tummy is back.

So my body is burning more fuel but i've been putting in crap to (over)replace the burnt storage. No wonder i've put on weight. (note: my exercises are all cardio, no weights, whatsoever) Think i really need to buck up on the diet part, especially when i'm training harder than before.

I keep telling myself this too, but i really gotta start cutting down on the late nights and the vices that come with it...

... but i've just gotten to know Mister Mac.

Kiss & Tell...

2010-07-26T17:29:00.003+08:00

I'm not one to kiss & tell. So...i'm not telling. Moving right along, that was one helluva weekend. I know i said i wouldn't do alot of things; but i did. And many things i didn't know i can do; i did.

I still got three 15km runs to complete by this week and i plan to do one after work today. My knee is the last thing i'm actually worried about. My lungs and my liver/stomach..i hope they hold up tonight man. Yikes..

What a weekend...

... how about it...one more time?

Very Careful Now

2010-07-23T10:36:00.011+08:00

I'm being very careful. If it means i'm getting smarter, then it's a good thing i've become more selfish and not be so open to just about giving attention, money, favours and most of all, my love, so easily.

Going to focus that attention and not risk further injury. I'm really grateful to those who have showed me concern. Yes, i'm easily touched, i wish i can reciprocate but i can't. Not yet. While its nice to see people turn up at races to show support, it's the people who are there during rehabilitation and the unglamorous times (during injury) who really care.

Money has never been a problem for me, i guess i don't live a lavish lifestyle. I could finally pamper myself on a pair of Newtons and then Oakleys. It's only right for a gentleman to pay on a date, but only if she's a lady. It's shocking to see girls expecting to be impressed and have the extravagant dinner date and shopping paid for (even on the first date). I've been 'poor' before, and when i see a girl who's willing to stand by a guy during the bad times, she deserves nothing but all that i've got. But i need a new pair of running shoes.. better break into them before my upcoming races!

I'm not going to give favours away as easily as i used to. Sometimes i feel like people just wanna make use of your connections - to know your good-looking or famous friends. That's bloody shallow. But i guess it's normal when it's called 'networking'. Yeah, lose weight, gain friends.. but are those 'real' friends? Anybody can be part of the crowd, cheering you when you're a champion, but true friends are the ones beside you when you're limping to the finish line at last place.

By being selfish, i hope i'll be selfless when it comes to love. Being nice to just about everyone is wrong; the girlfriend needs to feel exclusive. I can't decide if i love running or swimming more, but she must definitely feel like i love nobody else more.

i heff all i need..

I need to be more careful now. I've already risked my knee, can't afford to break another part of my body... the heart. :)

Down

2010-07-21T21:26:00.004+08:00

My worst run, tonight. Depressed. Didn't finish the run. Busted the knee.
F*ck.

###

Updated on 22/07/2010:

Physically alot better. I can't keep my right knee bent for more than a minute before it starts to hurt. Manual driving was a real bloody torture. Sigh.

Ok, it's not so bad. I'll be physically better. Water-exercises later will help sooth the pain. I'm still really sore (no pun intended) about not being able to finish the run. The feeling of quitting is alot worst than losing. I almost finished, i had 2km more and i gave up. I f*cking quit.

Been telling myself it's only a run, don't risk permanent (or isit already?) injury, there's more chances to run, etc etc...but it's like consoling myself. So how am i supposed to do to get better if i don't break this barrier?

I'm planning to do a OD tri on 3 Oct before the 42 in Dec. I need to push myself to another level or it's just gonna be the same results again, again..again.

Feeling like crap. I can't even imagine feeling worst than this.. perhaps after my first OD tri in 2009? Talk about that..CRAP...dammit, angryy... !#%^*

ROAR!!!!!

One or Two

2010-07-17T12:37:00.004+08:00

I'm (kinda) glad nothing happened last night. Was so tired from work, i totally collapsed. Bad news is i didn't run and i ordered Mac's. At least i got enough rest and i didn't put the 'real' bad stuff into the system.

And because i had sufficient rest last night, i should be good to do a long run AND a swim. While i was packing the gear this morning i was thinking about the days when i did all three. I ran in the morning, swam in the afternoon and biked in the evening. It's not easy (totally crash on the bed after a day like that) but the feeling you get from accomplishing a full day of exercise is very rewarding.

I miss that.

I don't even know if i can attempt to do a swim or run later. It's almost time to knock off work; I plan to do the 15km run in the afternoon (since the sun is not out yet) and maybe hit the pool in the afternoon. Really hope to get abit of sun while i'm at it.

I looked back at my old photos and i want to go back to be like how it was...

except that i'm moving forward with this.

Paint me my ending...

2010-07-15T16:33:00.006+08:00

Yes, i'm listening to emo songs. So sad. Well, perhaps it's the fact that i haven't touched cholrine water in 3 weeks. I know what's gonna happen when i hit the pool later...my lungs will feel like they shrank by 74%

I'm gonna feel like i'm completely made of lead. Probably sink right to the bottom. Darn. How could this be? I used to love swimming; not just it's a break from running, but i really enjoy stroking, toning the arms and legs and expanding my lungs. Oh man, what am i gonna do now..

###

UPDATED (16/07/2010): So nice to finally touch water again. Yes, as expected, my arms couldn't pull as efficiently as they should and my shoulders + back are aching from the 30 laps of (mostly) pulling and kicking.

I'm apprehensive about tonight. No, not about doing the (15k) run later, but what's gonna happen after that. I got a feeling that i won't get enough rest, then i'll turn up to work tomorrow like a zombie and won't be able to get my afternoon swim done. Needlessly to say, there goes another precious opportunity to get some sun.

I'm really disgusted with my paleness.

'Ooo..me so sexay'

Damn, if i get any whiter, i'm going to glisten under sunlight ala Edward Cullen. FML.

Inspired

2010-07-14T12:38:00.003+08:00

When training gets mundane, it's time to get yourself motivated again. But for some, it's more than being motivated, it's finding inspiration...

And it's more than just training; it's about life and how we are going to live what's left of it. For me, i'm taking it every kilometre at a time for as long as these knees will let me.

And now... for something new

2010-07-11T23:18:00.007+08:00

I'm going to stop, really. There's no more excuse not to. My knee's recovered considerably, my fitness is back, i'm ready to go longer, faster and be fitter.

It's time i draw a proper plan and stick to it best i can. 4 runs, 3 swims a week. No meals after 10pm, no fried food, more fruits and fibre.

And while training for Dec's 42, i guess my IPPT before October will help me gauge my progress. Time to cash in on that four hundred.

I'm praying that from now til then, i stay injury-free and my schedule continues to allow my training. Feeling really good about all of it, i see everything falling into place and i'm really happy. Thank God.

I had this funny dream... that i was running the marathon with her. It's her first marathon and she's nervous, but i assured her that i'll run it with her all the way. And we did...round the bend, what a relief to see the finish sign.

The crowds on both sides are cheering us down the final 200 metres. And though she's tired, i can see her smile from accomplishing a gruelling 42km. Kinda reminded me of the feeling i had when i completed my first 42.

She's holding my hand now, looking straight at the finish and soaking up the cheers. I hold her hand and we jog slowly towards the final stretch. She is amazing; i can feel her pulling me along now, the pain a couple of hours ago seem to disappear as she's really enjoying her achievement.

Just a couple of steps away, i grip her hand tightly and i pull her back. She turns and i see that smile facing me now. I can't believe how beautiful she looks, even after running a friggin' marathon. Her smile fades and confusion sets in.

"What, why are we stopping in.."

I made sure she's looking at me. I looked straight into her eyes and suddenly the cheers become muted. The other runners running past us become shadows, a blur... as i see her face radiate with charm.

Perhaps it's my problematic knee acting up after five hours of running... i get down on one knee..

"I don't want to finish this race without you... I want to run the rest of my life's race with you; i'll be running behind you, cheering you on when you are tired. I'll be running ahead of you to help guide you, and i'll walk through every painful moment with you, your hand in mine."

I can see her eyes widening and i think i see a crowd staring at us. I think it's kinda moist, but i take out a silver band from behind me. (i think, 'thank goodness i didn't get an abrasion from carrying this')

"I want to cross, not just this finish line...but my life's finish line with you... will you let me?"

...Will you marry me?

The painful climb

2010-07-09T17:49:00.006+08:00

It's been two weeks since i'm back and as expected, it's the painful climb to get back my fitness. I've only been running and it's really painful both mentally and physically. My lungs are like the size of my fists; i run out of breath after 15 minutes of running. I miss going 2hours non-stop.

I haven't even hit the pool yet and i already feel like i'm becoming translucent. I miss the healthy tan but i'm really lazy to swim and late nights have not helped either. At least i feel like the alcohol and bad stuff is coming out of the system. During my first few runs last week, i can almost imagine me sweating out beer. Slowly but surely, i'll feel clean and pure. (damn sounds like i got STD)

I believe the European diet is alot healthier. Though we have several courses per meal, the food there is never (or very seldom) fried. There's no chili like what we have in Asia, so there's no greasy/oily chili sauce. The only thing about the European diet is that it can get salty and is carbo-heavy. Well, the latter is good for the long endurance training right?

In terms of training motivation, i'm glad that i'm finding some renewed peace and joy. I know i used to channel all the anger and emo-ness into my runs and that really worked. But as all that negativity melts away, i find myself running with pure motivation to get stronger/faster. I take inspiration from the great Chrissie Wellington; she's such a joy (literally) to watch.

My life's not altogether perfect at the moment and there are still a few question-marks, but i'm focused on what i need to do and prepare for future races. I'm starting to find time to meet up with friends and family too, so what more can i ask for? I'm sorry if my training made you feel like you were not important. Hey, i promise that's all different now. I'm just a SMS away, let's meet up!

July

2010-07-04T18:55:00.002+08:00

Half of 2010 has gone by. It's time to make the other half better! With only the December's marathon to train for, i will be missing the triathlon. However, i promise to sign up for next year's edition and my second Ironman triathlon. Perhaps, i will look forward to finally doing an overseas race!

On another note, i am experiencing technical difficulties. Many of my social networking sites are down/deactivated. And that is a blessing in disguise. It's good to keep things simple and spend more time with you - the people who really matter.

No more pretentious pictures, comments, tweets and 'likes'. If you need me, you've got my email at least. If you want to, you've got my handphone number and i'm just a SMS away.

I'd rather talk to you and meet up over a good meal/drinks. That's how serious i want to be with you!

If not, i'll keep myself busy with what else...training!

Munich, Salzburg & Vienna

2010-06-27T20:49:00.004+08:00

I'm back from Germany/Austria. Although it was a 'work' trip, i'm glad i had some pockets of time to enjoy. Overall, it was the people i was with that didn't make it feel like work. Thank God for that.

That's George, one of my roomies. He's European (durh) so he's like the perfect companion. Got to appreciate the culture abit better thanks to him.

I was with the cutest bunch of kids; kids who say the darnest things. They made the trip more memorable and fun.

And of course, there were loads to drink. Actually, i drank every single night i was there. I dont remember drinking much water. In a single day, i had five different alcoholic drinks. Beer was like standard beverage at lunch, red wine during dinner and all sorts of hard liquor (like whiskey) after dinner.

It was fun the first couple of nights, but at the third, it was just tiring. We had to work the next day too, so that was bad.

The diet was mostly mashed potatoes, pork, salad, soup and alot of freshly made bread. Surprisingly, i think it was a better diet than what i've been having in Singapore (apart from the carbs).

So it was a good break and i'm supposed to start training all over again tomorrow. Sigh.

At least when i train, i remember the clear waters and long roads i saw during this trip. Makes me wanna come back and do a race here someday...

Break

2010-06-17T16:18:00.002+08:00

"Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When i won't have to leave alone
About the times, i won't have to say.."

I'm leaving on a jet plane. Be back in 2 weeks.

Bed-ridden

2010-06-12T23:34:00.002+08:00

For the past 12 hours, i've been planted on my bed, only to get up for meals and trips to the toilet. And i hate this.

It's a good break from running and swimming every other day. I think i'll be good for a swim tomorrow and soak in some sun. I'm gonna miss training as i'll be away in Germany/Austria and i hope i don't backslide too much. Yikes.

But for now, i just need to get out of bed. In a way, i did deserve it. Got kinda upset, had a long night (us four, finally!) and this is what you get. Worst morning/afternoon ever. Gosh if i can remember, i think i was really quiet in the corner and just kept pouring.

Argh, no comments. I'm just looking forward to the time i'm totally immune to all of it. Won't be long i guess. I can feel it coming. Tricky thing is, i might slide the other way. Nothing exactly wrong with that, but it just ain't the most 'acceptable' lifestyle. You know what i mean?

Stop imagining la. It's not what you think it is, you sick perverts.

Just Two.

2010-06-09T10:20:00.005+08:00

I'm thankful for whatever life is throwing at me; i'm taking everything as a learning phase and it's all about becoming a better person at the end of the day. I've come to realise that i've found stability in two things - Jesus Christ and training.

I don't doubt that everyone has a conscience and know when they made a boo-boo. Guilt and fear is a clear indication. Worry is the subtle cousin that tends to come before that.

I know i haven't exactly been the best role model at times; i curse when some driver cuts my lane, to being a total jerk when it comes to people's feelings. The best part is that it's not about me, but how great is a God that knows how much i am failing and with the purest form of love, He forgives and turn my screw-ups around to bless me abundantly.

"God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more abundant." - Romans 5:20

I'm really comforted and loved to have that assurance.

Running/training has also given me so much in keeping me sane. It takes on so many different forms for me. A run after a busy, emotional draining day just lets me spend time alone, collecting my thoughts in prayer and getting my bearings right for the task ahead.

On other days, the anger is displaced when i pound the road or crawl up and down the pool during the evenings. Better than keeping it inside and going crazy, a run/swim always helps to diffuse the frustration.

I know i've neglected my two loves from time to time. The best part is, they've always been there even when i haven't. Everytime i need to, for as long as my knees can take me, the track will always be waiting for me to visit. I thank God that He'll never leave nor forsake me too. He's really awesome and is always just a whisper away.

I'm really blessed to have the two with me. But somehow, i got the feeling that there actually might be a 'three'...

...all along.

Hallelujah

2010-06-04T10:12:00.000+08:00

The way to my heart is through my legs

2010-06-02T11:06:00.003+08:00

...sounds wrong, i know. Haha!

I was in a dilemma; Wondering if i should sign up for a half or full marathon this December. But i eventually decided to sign for the latter. How?

Because a girl asked me to.

Hahaha..I guess i better start training so i don't embarass myself.

On a more serious note, I remember the last race i did with a 'friend', it was with you. 31 August 2008. I've done many more races since and it's never been the same without you; seeing your smile, cheering and greeting me along the routes/transitions, pushing me til the finish line. I'll always remember those times.

I've had new good memories since, and i'm thankful for each and every one.

But somehow, the new ones never seem to work out. The feeling just isn't there. The timing just isn't right. Even when everything is perfect, there's always just this little bump that i can't ignore.

So even as i run this 42km..perhaps with someone new.. i'll always carry you as a sweet memory with me, and i know that whoever i will be with next, is nothing less than God's precious gift to me, to care for, nurture and love for the rest of my remaining days.

Dropped off your keys last night,
The front door still unpainted.
You were polite like ice,
I, once could melt it.
You took our pictures down,
And you left them on the ground
Its like you wiped all the memories,
Of what we used to be...
You and me, before it all crashed down.

I heard your voice break, when you said,
"well I hope you're happy".
Nothin' to say, I'll stare, straight into my coffee.
Then the conversation changed,
How we talked around the blame,
And the pain of losing.
All of the good times lost,
When it all crashed down.

Well I'm here if you need me,
I know you don't believe me.
well I'm so sorry,
For all the pain I've caused.

And I know I never told you,
That I love you,
Now its all too late.
And I don't know how to hold you,
But I want to,
I don't want to leave this way.
All I know,
Is broken.

What My Runs Are Like

2010-05-29T11:27:00.007+08:00

What i have been thinking about during my recent runs...

1. Why is this happening again?
2. My conscience is sprinkled with Righteousness, Thank God.
3. I need to book IPPT soon. It should be a comfortable $400.
4. I should treat someone to a good meal with that money, but who?
5. So far, so good. Wait for the pain to set in, then we'll see.
6. Ok, here comes the pain.
7. What you said.
8. What we did.
9. Why is this happening again?

Then it goes blank for awhile. If you run pass this 'blank', you reach a heightened sense of awareness and (almost irrational) emotions..

10. I should just do it. Let it fall where it may, perfect Love casts out all fear.
11. Shit, i really should get a knee transplant. Bloody pain.
12. If i die, will anybody care?
13. I need to pick up the guitar again.
14. I love you. I said it?!
15. Why is this happening again? Danger.
16. You.

Then it all becomes a real mess. But i'll feed off whatever's eating me inside and push the body to go faster and stronger. I think i just revealed my very intimate thoughts, but of course...you won't really know what i'm talking about. Unless you really know.

So far, this lasts for a good 15km run and abit into the static stations i usually do after my runs. I miss doing 20km runs. It takes alot more to motivate me after second 'blank'. But i remember what motivated me to do it.

But i'll save that for another intimate time...

6pm.

2010-05-26T15:19:00.003+08:00

I'm so glad i'm back to training. I think i'll be even more hyped when i get down to registering for my third Standard Chartered Full Marathon. (I should be doing the full; I have a 'score to settle'.)

I'm hoping to shed more weight and tone up around the arms and tummy. I want to be race ready by December. I'm want to do 20km runs comfortably for each session.

Thankful that things are starting to look up once again. I really believe there's a good work that has started in me and it'll soon bear fruit and then even more abundant fruit. I only have one source to thank for that.

Also i have this special drawing hung on my bedroom wall that reminds not to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; acknowleding Him in all my ways and He will direct my path. such absolutes give great assurance.

Even as i run, i am not focused on where the demand comes from. Every beat of my heart, every breath i take, i focus on the supply. It comes from the Lord and He will keep me running.

It's 6pm. Time to run.

Status Quo

2010-05-22T18:13:00.005+08:00

I like the feeling of a half-filled stomach and muscle-weakened body. I've found my status quo again; after six continuous days of running and swimming, i've ran 35km and swam 7.5km in total.

Mentally, i'm focused on training again. Emotionally, i've cut myself away from all distractions. It's a real roller-coaster ride the past couple of months. I've been to many funerals, weddings and baby showers. Today, i went for a baby shower in the morning and i'm headed to an ex-colleague's wake later. News of my Inang's husband's passing last week is still fresh in my mind; my heart, thoughts and prayers going out to her and the family in Philippines everytime i run/swim.

It puts life into perspective. People celebrate, then they die. All too quickly. So make the most of it.

Emotionally, i've hit both high and low in love. After my swim earlier, i realised that i've had the blessed opportunity to know what love feels like, i've tasted utter rejection and despair and i know what it's like being 'loveless' and comfortable.

I take the three words, "I love you" very seriously. And i can't remember the last time i said it (though i can remember who i said it to), but when i do, it'll be the day i give my love away again. For now, under all these circumstances, i'm going to be comfortable with 'loveless'.

I'm stronger now. I appreciate celebrations like birthdays and weddings. I see them in better perspective and maturity. I have come to terms with departures and know that life may be brief for many, but its worth living.

Running with hope in my heart, i'll swim against the tide just to tell you, 'i love you'. Off to more runs and swims, training and prayer; putting everything in perspective.

My thoughts exactly..

2010-05-20T23:21:00.003+08:00

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm?
To feel my spirit calm?

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say - you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper...
I think I better leave right now

It's happening again

2010-05-19T16:26:00.004+08:00

As i'm lamenting on how 'aimless' i have been, my prayers always get answered. Registration for the the Aviva Ironman Triathlon and Stan Chart Singapore Marathon are open.

Talk about the two most painful races i have done so far. I've done two full marathons and i'm still nervous about hitting the 30km mark, Maybe third time will be a charm, but the pain...oh boy.. the pain.

The Ironman Triathlon is no better. I still get the heebe-jeebies when i drive past ECP.. i will never forget cycling out of the Fort Road exit and climbing that hell of a slope pass MBS. That was the only time during a race i really wanted to cry. Yeah. Weep like a baby. When my car climbs that slope, i swear my legs twitch a little.

Wow. This post really helped to jog (no pun intended) the memory.

I think i should sign up for both, yes? Singapore Marathon 2010, Ironman Triathlon 2011.

Here we go again!

Where did it all go?

2010-05-17T00:40:00.002+08:00

There was a time when all i did was come back from work and train for my races. It was a simple, fulfilling time.

I can't run away from reality anymore. I have to face experiences in life that sometimes are beyond my control.

Maybe this time, i will run towards it. I pray that the Lord will continue to give me the strength i need, to fill my very being with the wisdom and love i need; not for myself but for the people i can and cannot care for.

Running isn't so simple now that i'm running in a different direction.

It's all coming back

2010-05-11T17:44:00.002+08:00

Did anyone tell you that re-training is a bee.eye.tee.see.heych.?

One month after my last race, i slacked and ate couple of quarter pounders. I certainly put on more than a half a pound in weight lor. I'm getting back on the training program and my fitness has dropped drastically. It feels like a rubber band around my lungs when i run and i'm out of breath after 15 minutes. It's demoralising when your belly jiggles too. And i don't know what's worst, having to wear a sports bra for your bouncing man boobs or the fact that you've got man boobs.

I'm not going to end up like that again!

I'm going to run, swim and do crunches until i get abs. Either that, or i'll look like an African kid. Either way, i don't want to be a fattie.

But i gave it all away

2010-05-06T17:44:00.005+08:00

I’m not alone when I say that not running has made me super grumpy, lethargic and emo. It has been like that for some time now and as always, I’ve been very good at hiding my real emotions/feelings in person but even that is in jeopardy. I might not be able to act all nice in front of you soon.

It’s all the bad juices have been storing up inside and if I don’t run or swim it out, it’ll just collect up and it will implode eventually. By then, it’ll be too late as I would have already hurt someone I didn’t intend to.

It’s funny when people ask me about my ‘retirement’. I guess I don’t want to. I feel aimless and although work has been busy and productive, I don’t feel the rush. Not like when I’m preparing for a race.

I’m not retired. But I don’t have anything to train for at the moment. Nothing to keep my mind distracted from the thoughts I’m having now; and I don’t want to decide if these thoughts are right or wrong.

Some people wait a lifetime for a chance like this
I’ve waited enough
Baby, no I won’t let you go
I’m sick of tears and bitter fears